ADHD’s Impact on Relationships

[treehugger101]

Have any of you ever dated someone an adult 18 and up who has suffered from ADHD and had to take medication for it? I came across an article online that was called ADHD’s Impact on Relationships: 10 Tips to Help. Go have a read of it and tell me your thoughts. But has anyone dealt with someone like this, what did you do. or would you do?

[megvoh]

First bf had OCD and ADD ( close enough to ADHD ) he never took dr. medications for it though.
Didn't help he did other drugs.

[treehugger101]

That sucks I am sorry to hear it.

[solarion]

My ex-wife ADHD. Ritalin + Adderall = disaster(think depression & suicidal thoughts). Ritalin + Wellbutrin = controlled demolition.

what did you do. or would you do?

I DID try to be understanding and to offer guidance to adjust dosage. I WOULD run in the opposite direction knowing what I know now.

[megvoh]

Thanks, I was okay with his OCD and ADD but the ADD made it hard for him to be in the moment so that caused more issues, but adding drugs for paranoia and overall uselessness made more problems.

[treehugger101]

That sucks. My guy is dealing with ADHD and when he is off his meds he always says mean things, he says he doesn't mean them but sometimes I think he does.

[solarion]

That sucks. My guy is dealing with ADHD and when he is off his meds he always says mean things, he says he doesn't mean them but sometimes I think he does.

What kind of mean things? Can you proffer an example? What meds is he on? How long is he off them before he turns into Mr. Hyde? Is he a caffeine junky? Need info to offer anything approaching reliable guidance.

[smarta$$]

I deal with people in my line of work that are taking ALL sorts of psych medications. It's not a lifestyle I would choose for my private life.

[basilandthyme]

That sucks. My guy is dealing with ADHD and when he is off his meds he always says mean things, he says he doesn't mean them but sometimes I think he does.

He probably does mean what he says.....but he doesn't mean to say it out loud. My son's ADHD meds increase his ability to think before speaking/acting - but they don't change his actual outlook.

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That being said, most would expect their partner to stay compliant with their meds if they are to stay in the relationship.

Why does he stop taking meds when he knows that doing so brings out his worst?

[solarion]

Well stated b&t. In some ways it is like alcohol in reverse. Meaning that the meds increase inhibitions rather than lowering them. It was certainly so with my ex wife.

I don't trust people that get nasty when they drink any further than I can toss them, because it nearly always means that they're nasty at heart and are just checking themselves and the booze is just removing their safeguards.

[treehugger101]

He takes the medication and once the medication wears off, he acts up and he can't take more medication until later or the next day.

[solarion]

He takes the medication and once the medication wears off, he acts up and he can't take more medication until later or the next day.

Can you be a whole bunch more specific? "says mean things" and "acts up" convey very little. Frankly he sounds like a pre-schooler when you put it like that. Suggest a time-out in his room.

[Lwalter]

It was an interesting read. ADHD is something pretty hard to deal with and this gives you more perspective.

[sammylu]

My partner has ADHD but refuses to take prescribed medication for it. He instead takes supplements which I have to say only help in short spurts and he forgets to take it ALL. THE. TIME. So a lot of ups and downs. I totally get what you mean about your partner saying mean things. For me, my partner says mean things in response to feelings of guilt or anger. Like when I tell him he hurt my feelings, instead of being nice and comforting he lashes out because he feels like a jerk and his way of coping is to shut it down immediately. I have to be honest that I am not always strong enough to remember this and it hurts me deeply.

I read the article you posted and the child-parent dynamic is SO on target. I do take on more than I should. For instance, I will ask him to unload the dishwasher and he will but only 70% of it because he will get distracted. This happens every week, without fail. So I have to constantly remind him OR I just do it myself and try not to be bitter about it. This applies to a lot of our relationship... bills, cleaning, intimacy... it is really hard but when you love someone you try to push through, right?

I mentioned in another post that I have been currently struggling with the fact that my bf has changed his mind about getting engaged this year and how it has been upsetting to me, rocking our foundation, causing me to feel unsure and insecure, etc... before I was able to see passed his ADHD easier because I felt secure about our relationship. But now that he has told me he doesn't want to make any commitments to me I can see that his ADHD is really taking a toll on me and my feelings for him. I am frustrated, angry, and feeling very alone. It is like he turned on the lights and now I am seeing all of the ugly in our relationship.

So not really an answer to your question... because my bf refuses to take meds despite knowing since he was much younger that he has ADHD. But it is a different perspective I guess and lets me vent... lol. Thank you for sharing the article and for reading my thoughts.

[sammylu]

My partner has ADHD but refuses to take prescribed medication for it. He instead takes supplements which I have to say only help in short spurts and he forgets to take it ALL. THE. TIME. So a lot of ups and downs. I totally get what you mean about your partner saying mean things. For me, my partner says mean things in response to feelings of guilt or anger. Like when I tell him he hurt my feelings, instead of being nice and comforting he lashes out because he feels like a jerk and his way of coping is to shut it down immediately. I have to be honest that I am not always strong enough to remember this and it hurts me deeply.

I read the article you posted and the child-parent dynamic is SO on target. I do take on more than I should. For instance, I will ask him to unload the dishwasher and he will but only 70% of it because he will get distracted. This happens every week, without fail. So I have to constantly remind him OR I just do it myself and try not to be bitter about it. This applies to a lot of our relationship... bills, cleaning, intimacy... it is really hard but when you love someone you try to push through, right?

I mentioned in another post that I have been currently struggling with the fact that my bf has changed his mind about getting engaged this year and how it has been upsetting to me, rocking our foundation, causing me to feel unsure and insecure, etc... before I was able to see passed his ADHD easier because I felt secure about our relationship. But now that he has told me he doesn't want to make any commitments to me I can see that his ADHD is really taking a toll on me and my feelings for him. I am frustrated, angry, and feeling very alone. It is like he turned on the lights and now I am seeing all of the ugly in our relationship.

So not really an answer to your question... because my bf refuses to take meds despite knowing since he was much younger that he has ADHD. But it is a different perspective I guess and lets me vent... lol. Thank you for sharing the article and for reading my thoughts.