When do I tell my new partner about my past?

[Helpbigtime2015]

I've met an incredible woman and we both seem to click and get on great, and after only a week I feel our relationship could continue for the foreseeable future.
My problem is I have a history involving mental health problems and during this time I committed a serious crime which led to a long recovery in hospital. My problem is at what point do I talk about this? In the space of a week I've already talked about my mental health problems but not what resulted from it. I feel I should be open and honest and talk about this early on before strong feelings develop. I now lead a normal life with no hint of previous problems after making a full recovery. At what point in a new relationship should I talk through this? Would be grateful of other peoples opinions on this. Thanks

[topazlight]

Being upfront and honest is a good character trait and can be respected and if your past is your past and she isn't judgmental it could be okay to tell all you want or need to disclose. Do you want to say the serious crime or not share here? Tell what she needs to know clearly before you sleep together also. Best of luck.

[solarion]

It depends on the term "serious crime". For instance, if this term means aggravated assault against a former significant other, then yeah I think it'd be best to come clean and probably pretty soon. If it's a violent crime against someone weaker than you it's not likely going to be well received, but that doesn't mean it'll be an automatic deal breaker. Someone that's voluntarily upfront, open, and honest deserves the benefit of the doubt imo. I don't think you really have an obligation to share the gory details of your past immediately with anyone, but if what you're keeping from her could make her feel in some way unsafe around you, then you're far better off if she hears it from you.

[Helpbigtime2015]

Thanks, I'm very aware I need to tell her early on, definitely before we sleep together. Fortunately we're taking things slowly and I've said there's more to tell her about my breakdown. She told me when I feel ready so I now have to pick a time and place where we're both comfortable to go through it. It was not a sex related crime but is still serious and resulted in a long stay in hospital.

[Helpbigtime2015]

I realize I haven't mentioned that we've known one another for nearly two years, recently getting to know one another better as friends. The friendship was really great and then she asked me out. I suppose I'm hoping she sees who I am now, It's a chance I have to take with any relationship!

[megvoh]

Well she likes you that's one positive you know since she asked you out. Why haven't you been able to tell her the whole story in that full 2 years of knowing each other?
That might be a negative against you, that you are only just telling her after 2 years.

[Helpbigtime2015]

It's only recently that we've become friends and the two years was knowing her through my work. I have quite a few friends who know nothing about my past, It's only partners I feel that need to know. She knew nothing of my illness or breakdown until last week when I told her, I just need to tell her the rest. I just wanted to see how we were together, I suppose a case of seeing if there was anything between us to risk telling her everything and seeing if she still wants to be In a relationship with me.

[topazlight]

Are you hesitating because of how much you like her and would be devastated if she backed away from you when you are fully honest with her? Or for other reasons? Best of luck for when you do disclose.

[Helpbigtime2015]

I told her everything and we are still together, she is finding it difficult to imagine the place I was in at the time so needs to understand more about it. We are moving forward very slowly and to help her I've been able to arrange a meeting to talk to a professional to explain the illness. Finds it difficult to understand seeing me as I am now, well and leading a normal life. I was worried about timing telling her, I had to at some point as my feelings were growing and we both click so easily. Thanks for the advice, I spoke to other people about this as well but it's nice to have a few opinions, thankfully on this occasion they were the same as mine, couldn't live a lie with someone I really like and respect.

[topazlight]

That is good news, Helpbigtime2015. I am pleased it all worked out for you both and I hope you continue to bond closer from now on. With the truth comes respect, you earned hers.

[Helpbigtime2015]

Thanks, It's early days and hopefully we will continue to be together and see what's ahead for us both!

[MeetMeOnLevel4]

That's great news! I am happy for you. I would continue to treat your relationship with the same care and concern that you took with telling her this information, in other words, as you continue to grow and evolve, always make sure you are communicating with her and sharing all the things you feel, think about and value. This way, you will continue to be very close and grow closer together as we share more life experiences.

[Helpbigtime2015]

Thank you, I will! After going through so much already in such a short space of time It can only continue in the same way and see where we go from here.

[smackie9]

Good for you.....this is a lesson to be learned.....learn to trust her. When you can do that, you will not have to worry about fear again.