Is She Testing Me?

[caleb1689]

To get right to it, I have known a girl for quite some time now, over 5 years.

Initially we had a long distance relationship and something happened between us which caused me to walk away from it all. The piece of c**p I admit I am, I left her without saying a word.

Recently, years after the fact, I tried to re-establish something with her and while her initial response was unpleasant (I deserved every bit of it), she is slowly warming up to it now.

BUT, she is throwing a lot at me. For example, if I say, "I prefer this, this and this in a girl", she will make herself to be the exact opposite of that. Not too long ago, she admitted that some of the things she shared with me were not true. She expressed amazement that despite knowing all that, I am persistent and have not walked away from her. In fact, she even went on to say that she would not judge me if I were to walk away from her again.

What I am getting at is this. I think she is testing me by making herself out to be someone who is totally opposite to my ideals, by saying things I almost abhor, to see whether or not I stay true to her or dip like I did in the past.

So, do girls actually lie to test a guy?

[melancholia]

This just sounds weird and immature on both your parts. She is displaying passive aggressive, manipulative behavior that absolutely appears to be "testing" you to see if you will walk away from her like you did last time. Why exactly did you walk away from this person before? Is your relationship still long distance? I am curious as to why you would attempt to rekindle something that you decided to give up on earlier.

[Wakeup]

If you're still long distance then your whole interaction with one another is just a load of Crap. Why are you wasting your time and hers?

[caleb1689]

Truly appreciate the responses. It is understandable that all this comes across as waste of time but I have plans to set things right this time around. What really is a concern are the things she has said some of which she has taken back (and admitted that they were not true).

Good to know that I am not alone in believing that she is testing me.

[melancholia]

So let me get this straight: You were in a long distance relationship before and for some undisclosed reason, you decided to just stop talking to her and move on. Then you decided to just randomly start talking to her again, to which she seemed to be apprehensive about. After coaxing her back into a semi-form of a long distance relationship, she has admitted she's lied to you about aspects of who she is and you are sitting here wondering what the problem is?

Maybe you just need to focus on finding someone better matched for you than her. Not only does this sound like a huge waste of time, it sounds like you don't really trust her or like her very much.

Again, I am asking: What made you decide to pursue things with her a second time? And secondly, what are you doing differently this time around to ensure there isn't a repeat of what happened before?

[Wakeup]

Truly appreciate the responses. It is understandable that all this comes across as waste of time but I have plans to set things right this time around. What really is a concern are the things she has said some of which she has taken back (and admitted that they were not true).

Good to know that I am not alone in believing that she is testing me.

She's not testing you, she's fvcking with you and likely lol'ing at your continued attempts to be with her.

I would hope that She has no interest in an asshole who just went radio silent on her. If she does have real interest in you after you doing that, then she's not going to be a woman worth having if you ever did get with her. She has slack personal boundaries at the very least and possibly much worse personality issues if she'd trust someone like you after what you did.

Why are you pursuing someone who is long distance anyway. What's wrong with you that you can't get a girl where you live and you are trying to recycle someone who you obviously were not that into to begin with if you would ghost her like that?

[caleb1689]

So let me get this straight: You were in a long distance relationship before and for some undisclosed reason, you decided to just stop talking to her and move on. Then you decided to just randomly start talking to her again, to which she seemed to be apprehensive about. After coaxing her back into a semi-form of a long distance relationship, she has admitted she's lied to you about aspects of who she is and you are sitting here wondering what the problem is?

Yes.

Maybe you just need to focus on finding someone better matched for you than her. Not only does this sound like a huge waste of time, it sounds like you don't really trust her or like her very much.

Actually, I like her very much.

Again, I am asking: What made you decide to pursue things with her a second time? And secondly, what are you doing differently this time around to ensure there isn't a repeat of what happened before?

I do not know what made me decide to pursue her a second time but it is what I wanted and I still do. Also, this time around, I am being honest with her and doing everything possible to regain her trust. I care a lot about her.

I must say those were some tough questions you put forth; I don't know if I answered them satisfactorily.

[melancholia]

I do not know what made me decide to pursue her a second time but it is what I wanted and I still do. Also, this time around, I am being honest with her and doing everything possible to regain her trust. I care a lot about her.

I must say those were some tough questions you put forth; I don't know if I answered them satisfactorily.

Fair enough. However, there must be a reason why you chose to reach out to her again. What exactly happened the first time that prompted you to just stop talking to her altogether?

[caleb1689]

Lets just say I was really stupid and immature back then.

[melancholia]

Did she explain why she lied to you about whatever it was she lied about? You mentioned that she seemed shocked that you would still be interested after she admitted that she lied, yet you are still interested in her, as you've already established. Have you continued a normal conversation/behavior after this or are you finding difficulty in trusting her at this point?

[caleb1689]

She did not explain why she lied to me but sort of hinted that she wanted say to repulsive things to see if I take off again. She retracted most but maintained that the rest of what she said was "true".

We have been conversing normally and behaving fine ever since. We talk often and I do not find difficulty in trusting her. I am not ready to believe her story though. With her, I go by gut feeling and so far, my gut feeling has always been on point. I have this feeling that the rest of what she has said, which she claims to be true, is not really true. It is just to test me.

[melancholia]

We have been conversing normally and behaving fine ever since. We talk often and I do not find difficulty in trusting her. I am not ready to believe her story though. With her, I go by gut feeling and so far, my gut feeling has always been on point. I have this feeling that the rest of what she has said, which she claims to be true, is not really true. It is just to test me.

Okay, so what you are actually saying is that you do not trust her. You obviously like her, but in the same breath you used to say you do trust her, you negate that comment immediately and say you don't trust her. So here are your options: Get over what's happened in the past and forget about the lies she's told and take whatever she says from this point forward at face value. Trust her until she gives you another reason not to trust her again. OR you can decide that she is not trustworthy and you don't want to be involved with someone who you cannot trust.

To me, I think her behavior is silly. It's manipulative and very immature for her to make up some strange stories and then come at you and tell you she was lying only to challenge you and "test" your levels of interest. Why people don't just give up on the relationship when behavior like this begins, I have no idea. Since you are asking for advice here, I think your best options are to to either move on completely or forget about the lies and accept her for who she is at this time.

[Wakeup]

Lets just say I was really stupid and immature back then.

... and lets just say that not much has changed. Why don't you try and find a girl that isn't long distance instead of wasting your time and energy on someone, that even if she re-starts something with you, she will still be long distance... which means you won't be able to nurture the relationship enough for it to last.

[caleb1689]

Okay, so what you are actually saying is that you do not trust her. You obviously like her, but in the same breath you used to say you do trust her, you negate that comment immediately and say you don't trust her.

To clarify what I stated, I trust her with everything I have. But she told me things about her past, about her personality, etc, some of which were not true (she admitted she did so to see how I would react to it). The rest, she says, is true. I feel the bit she says is true is also not true. And I wanted to know if it is normal for girls to do this; to throw a lot at a guy to see how he handles himself and the situation.

[melancholia]

To clarify what I stated, I trust her with everything I have.

Here is where you say you trust her.

But she told me things about her past, about her personality, etc, some of which were not true (she admitted she did so to see how I would react to it). The rest, she says, is true. I feel the bit she says is true is also not true.

Here is where you contradict the first statement and you say you don't trust her. You literally said that you do not trust the information she is telling you, therefore you do not trust her. Plain and simple.

And I wanted to know if it is normal for girls to do this; to throw a lot at a guy to see how he handles himself and the situation.

No. It's not normal for people to trick their significant others. That is classic manipulation 101 right there. Whether she is doing it to get back at you for how you treated her before, or she is just a weird person who lies and then takes the lie back. Regardless, it's ridiculous and immature behavior. You should be re-evaluating this relationship because neither of you seem to be equipped or mature enough to be in one.