Emotional Cheating?

[basilandthyme]

Wakeup, I'm really uncomfortable with you calling the OP mentally handicapped. She's obviously got some emotional issues (or is a very good troll), but a learning disability isn't apparent. And if she does have a learning disability, being rude about it is not a nice thing to do.

[Lilly328]

Hmm how about this ?

Well I am hoping to be a better Girlfriend and meet what he wants.

[TheEvilJester]

Or is it because you believe what you have with him is love so you put up with his petty bullshit?

I suspect this could be the case, or at least in part. I absolutely, in no way, mean that as a slight against treehugger. I think many of us have had the experience of loving the wrong person. Love can be a wonderful, beautiful thing, but given to the wrong person it can also be a terrible thing. I learned that from experience myself. When you believe the love you have with somebody is real, it can be hard not to want to look past their wrongdoings. Sometimes, that is okay. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes.

The problem, though, is when you forgive too much, or forgive things that should not be forgiven. When you get stuck in your love and don't want to give it up, so you look for any way to excuse the person's poor behavior, poor attitude, etc. to convince yourself it is worth it to stay with them.

Is that what treehugger is doing? I don't know, because I'm not her, and I'm not her fella. It could be, though. So, back to treehugger now, just be careful to be sure you do not fall into that trap. You'e posted a lot of threads that personally have me leaning towards thinking this guy isn't right for you. That really is your decision, though. I can't know that for sure, and neither can any of us here. Just, please don't get yourself into that trap of so badly not wanting to let somebody go that you just put up with their crap and settle for an unhappy relationship. IF that is the case, you would honestly be better off alone than you ever would stuck in an unhappy relationship. Good luck.

[Lilly328]

To me, both of them have trust and insecurities issue that they need to work it out together to try to get rid or cope with. He is insecure of her ex, while she get jealous of female friends.

Ah yes, tree, are you ever happy on this relationship and can you go on for a few more years like this (with these problems)? You don't have to answer it, but you should think about it.

[Wakeup]

Wakeup, I'm really uncomfortable with you calling the OP mentally handicapped. She's obviously got some emotional issues (or is a very good troll), but a learning disability isn't apparent. And if she does have a learning disability, being rude about it is not a nice thing to do.

Well, that's odd. Compels me to say its a good thing that my post isn't about you or how you are uncomfortable or not. Sorry you are uncomfortable basil but,

If she is "mentally handicapped" then why would calling her what she is even be an issue? A rose by any other name is still a rose. If she wasn't mentally dysfunctional then she wouldn't be posting what she does.

There is more to her then "emotional issues" She is clueless in just about everything she shares with us (troll or not)

[basilandthyme]

If, in my work as a teacher's aide or as a support worker, I said to my charge "if you weren't mentally handicapped you'd......" I'd likely be out of a job. Or at the very least, hauled over the coals. If a person said that to my son, they would no longer be in our lives.

However, if a person was sad about not being able to achieve something because they had trouble learning, I'd acknowledge the fact that it's difficult for them and talk about the things they are good at and discuss achievable goals. Kindly acknowledging the fact is different to saying it in a blaming manner.

Also, we stopped using the phrase "mentally retarded" back in the '80's. Perhaps it's different in Canada.

[dontaskme]

In the US, we call it "mentally challenged".

Ah, back to you OP, you're in your mid twenties, live with your parents, jobless, and couldn't figure life. What is the issue with you? Tell us the real story behind tree hugger who's been hugging love forum lately.

[Wakeup]

Who called her "retarded?" I will say that Her emotional maturity is retarded to that of a 13 year old.

Op: Are you ready to admit that you have a mental/emotional issue and that is why you are moving close to middle age, don't work, live with and are spoiled by your parents and you stay with a man that you don't get along with?

Perhaps if you came right out and told us what your "challenge" is, you'd get more sympathy then what I am caring to give you.

[basilandthyme]

My bad. You said "mentally handicapped". We don't say use that term either anymore.

- - - Updated - - -

Who called her "retarded?" I will say that Her emotional maturity is retarded to that of a 13 year old.

Op: Are you ready to admit that you have a mental/emotional issue and that is why you are moving close to middle age, don't work, live with and are spoiled by your parents and you stay with a man that you don't get along with?

Perhaps if you came right out and told us what your "challenge" is, you'd get more sympathy then what I am caring to give you.

I think she'd be a psychotherapist's dream....

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[smackie9]

Your BF always changes his demands because he is hoping it will become so unbearable you will finally leave. You are clingy, needy, and insecure that it is driving him crazy. He knows if he tries to end it you, youwill be clinging onto his leg as he tries to walk out the door.

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Tip: you don't try and fix a bad BF, you get rid of them.

[TheEvilJester]

That is most definitely also a good point I hadn't seen anybody else consider. It could be possible he is tiring of the relationship but doesn't want to be the one to break it off for whatever reason(s). So, he tries to be a complete insufferable prick instead hoping that you will be the one to finally cut off the head of the snake.

....Or it could just be that he actually IS as insufferable as your threads would make it sound. Either way, do either of those options sound like somebody with whom you want to be in a relationship? Nobody deserves to be stuck in an unhappy relationship. Maybe you have your own stuff to work through, maybe not. Either way, you can't do that while clinging to a miserable relationship. Good luck to you, really. I hope you are able to find happiness in yourself, and then soon thereafter find somebody who will feel like your other half.

[treehugger101]

I am happy with myself. And I am happy in this relationship finally. Him and I got together and talked everything through as we always do and this time around, things will be better and have changed. I do see the changes in him and he is treating me better. He told me, he doesn't want anyone else, he really wants me. If he didn't care for me or love me, he wouldn't have came over or done any of the stuff he has done lately. He also said himself, if he wanted to leave the relationship he would but he wants to be with me, and I do make him happy. He see's the big heart in me and how much I do care for him, with all of these chances I keep giving him, because I know he can change and be the person he truly is.

[basilandthyme]

I am happy with myself. And I am happy in this relationship finally. Him and I got together and talked everything through as we always do and this time around, things will be better and have changed.

It's only been a week or so since you were unhappy. A week of not fighting does not make a relationship good.

If the two of you can keep this up for three months, then it's time to think that the relationship may be a good one.

[Wakeup]

"Three months?" ahhhhhh, yes. Three months without another thread from TH about her shitty relationship and candy-ass boyfriend would be nice.