Why would he, or any guy, do this?

[heartbroken088]

I met this guy in April of 2014 on facebook. Okay, we went to high school together, but we never talked to each other. Anyway, he came out on night so we could meet for the first time and things went well. I admit I wasn't interested at first. I was if-y. But the more we hung out, the more I was liking him after getting to know him. We eventually got together and we got along very well. But he was on leave from the army and had to go back to base 2 weeks after we met. We eventually ended up together(little fast, I know) but I felt a string connection with him that I couldn't ignore. After he left, we texted constantly for 2 weeks but after that, he was lacking communication on his end and it was diminishing. I confronted him about it and he said he was busy and hes got things going on with his dad. His dad was really sick and in the hospital. I just broke up with him a month after we got together and he agreed. We both were going through alot. His dad was dying and so was my grandma. It was bad timing so we were going to try after he got discharged from the army. But afterwards, I still kept trying to talk to him. I would blow up his phone. I dont mean texting by the minute but maybe every 2 to 3 hours. He told me hes just busy and I told him I'm getting paranoid and thinking worst thoughts(thinking he was cheating). But he told me we just need to wait til he got back because I think the worst when hes gone. But me "blowing up" his phone eventually annoyed him and he started ignoring me. He told me "as I'm always about to text, you text me right before I do". Why couldn't he just go ahead and text? Anyway he ended up changing his number and blocking me on facebook. I cant remember how I contacted him but he gave me his new number and I just really left him alone from there. Respecting his wishes and giving him space. I would ask him how he was once I a while but that's it. Back I July he asked me to dinner but I was working so I couldn't. We hung out one night the next week and he stayed since he lives an hour away. After he left, I asked if he wanted to come over again sometime and he said of course. Well that week I hardly heard anything from him. The weekend after, he tells me that hes decided to move out west and was going to right after the army but he had to come back and take care of his deceased dads house. I asked him why he would want to try for another relationship if he wanted to move out west and he said he wasn't 100% sure at the time. And I started crying. I asked him how he could just leave me like that after knowing the hell we've been through last year and that I waited over a year for him. Which I did. He told me my feelings are just drama pretty much and that hes apathetic and until they make a pill that makes him care about anything, hes not going to. I go "so you're just going to pretty much leave everyone and everything behind and go on with your life like your past never existed? Youre just going to vanish?" And he said "thats kind of the point". I recently found out he changed his number again and I'm just devestated. Why am I hanging on to him? Hes my 2nd shortest relationship(if thats what you call it) but yet I feel strongly for him and have the passed year and a half. Can someone please tell me what's going on? I just need an outside view to all this. Please. Thanks in advance!

[basilandthyme]

Heartbroken, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Letting things go is always the hardest part.

However, I strongly suspect that if we ask this guy his point of view he'll talk about how you were neurotic and needy and drove him away. It sounds like he did try again with you, but by this point he'd lost that feeling for you an moved on. It's a shame you waited for him after a fairly flimsy sounding plan, but you can't change history.

I would suggest you look at this as a learning experience. And read the book "He's Just Not That Into You". Learn how to recognise when to let a guy go.

[heartbroken088]

I understand I need to move on but I just cant. Hes the only one I truly want. Its been that way for the passed year and a half. I just dont see how one day can male him determine whether or not things will work out. I hardly ever got the chance. This time I had no chance. First time I hardly did before he left. I want to prove him that i can be worthy and I've obviously been loyal, without the relationship. I figured that would tell him something. I'm sure there's at least something i can do than to just let it go this easily. I feel like it can work out. We've gotten along so well last year and i saw the potential. I want that back..for us to just get along and just leave the past in the past and act like the bitterness never happened. If i have to let him go, it will be a long while but I just want a real chance.

[basilandthyme]

Sweetie, you may see it as having gotten on so well....but don't forget that he blocked you on FB and changed his numbers. I don't think he'd agree with your view

[basilandthyme]

Adding further comments:

He wouldn't have just looked at 'one day' to determine his future with you. He would have taken into consideration all the previous interaction he's had with you. He's actually had a lot of time to look at how you interact with him.

Did he ask you to stay single and wait for him? If not, your loyalty means nothing.

I'd say that he doesn't trust you enough to let go of the bitterness he holds. The fact that you can't understand why he would decide to not have a relationship with you now kind of underscores his point.

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