Men, would you do this if you're married?

[Meemaw2011,]

I think I know the answer that is right for me, but really want to know what others would do in this situation or what you think your wife would/should do. I've been married eight years. My husband has always been all about me, as far as wanting to make sure I'm happy (although in kind of a wimpy way) He always wants me to make deicisions and he'll do things to make sure I will be happy with the outcome, but it is always very obvious it's because he doesn't want to make a decision and have it be the wrong one... Anyway, all that to say that for the most part, he puts me first. He has had issues with telling the truth in the past, not on a regular basis but in the past would say things and then if I found out it wasn't the truth, he would make it seem like he had to lie to make me happy, or didn't want to hurt me, or cause me stress, that kind of thing. It hasn't been a huge issue though and really only was towards the beginning of our relationship, mostly having to do with the kids (kids he had from a previous marriage) Although there have been a couple of other lies or omitting of truth that had to do with other things.

What has happened today has completely thrown me and I really don't know what to do. I am a very strong person, have been through a lot and am quite intelligent. I am also extremely perceptive and know when I am being lied to. I can spot a lie five miles away, can see it on a person's face, hear it in their voice, all of it. Today I hadn't been home long and he received a phone call. I was in the next room and noticed he answered much differently than he usually would. Then I heard nothing. Not give minutes later, I was in the kitchen with him and his phone rang again and again he answered it differently than usual and immediately left the room. Now he's done that at times, if he needs to go get in front of his computer when its about work or something. However today I could just feel it- I knew something was up. He came back and I just could feel it. So I made a comment about it and asked what that was about and what he needed to have a private conversation for. He said it was just about an invoice mix up for work. I said "well it didn't seem like that. It was more than something with work." He made some comment disregarding that. My feelings got much stronger very quickly. I made another comment and said that obviously something is going on. He knew then that I knew something was up- he knows how perceptive I am and that I KNOW things. He said "ok, come here I'm going to tell you" He said first of all he needed to tell me NOTHING like this has ever happened before. He's NEVER done anything like this. Kept going on and on. I stopped him and told him to just tell me. So he informed me that the night before, while he was out "working" (he has a side job where he does some food delivery) he was bored and so he went on to Craigslist under the "casual encounters" section. (where you look up women looking for me or vice versa, or people looking for threesomes, etc. He found an ad from a woman who'd posted a pic of her genatalia and said she wanted to be ....(I'll let you use your imagination on what she wanted) So in a McDonalds Parking lot, he took a pic of his genatalia and sent it to the phone number in the ad. He said the ONLY reason he did that was because he was wondering why the phone number was all "jumbled" up in the ad, like right in the middle of the ad, and wanted to see if it was for real since the number was in a weird spot. (yep a ridiculous excuse and not unlike an excuse I'd completely expect from him- and the sad thing is he actually thinks I'll believe he just needed to see if it's real)

This is where it really gets bad. So this morning, He received a text from a VERY ANGRY mother. Her 12 year old daughter had received that picture! My husband had gotten one number wrong from the ad and so it went to another phone instead (I saw that for myself- he actually didn't know anything about it being a child's phone, as he typed in a 9 instead of an 8 in one spot)
He ofcourse freaked out about this being a child. The mother and later the father were taking it up with the police. The police had found the ad, even though it had gotten taken down by this point, and they could see that my husband did put one number in wrong. It definitely had accidentally gone to the childs phone. Nonetheless, a child is involved and these parents are MAD and I don't blame them one bit!! The cop called my husband (this is in a different state) and told him this would be a felony if they decide to arrest and he could be on the sex offender list. Later, the cop apologized for being so mean to my husband as it became clear that he had no clue this was a child's phone and that he typed in one number wrong. But again, a child is now involved and the cop CAN press charges. He said he is probably not going to but will think about it for the weekend. The dad has sent many texts to my husband and my husband apologized all over the place to him. But none of that matters to me. Frankly, in my mind, the freaking out my husband has had to do is KARMA he deserves for trying to correspond with this woman by sending her nude pics. Of course he tells me he was NEVER going to ever correspond with her again and just wondered if it was real. Of cousre I know better and if she had responded who knows how many times they would have gone back and forth. Granted he probably would have never actually done anything physical with her- she's out of state, etc. The thing that bothers me a lot is that he and I have talked a lot about fantasies. To me, they are just that. Fantasies. Not necessarily to be carried out but to fantasize about. He thinks that's silly. He thinks they should be followed through with , otherwise there's no reason to fantasize. If I have ever dared let him in on a fantasy of mine, he talks to me constantly about actually doing it no matter how many times I tell him it's JUST a fantasy. So that part of all of this worries me. I am wanting other people's opinions on this, on what you think about this, what you would do, what your opinion may be on what I should do etc. I mean I can't look at him the same or think of him the same and definitely not listen to his garbage about how we're soul mates. Ugh. I just don't even want to look at him right now but this is no way to live either!

[solarion]

To answer your question directly, the answer is no, I'd not do what your husband did...married or otherwise. It's distasteful, disrespectful, and mind numbingly stupid when one doesn't even know who's getting said pics, whether they're trustworthy, or what they intend to do with said compromising images.

Apparently your husband is seeking something he knowingly or unknowingly believes is missing in your marriage. Given your refusal to act out fantasies with him, it shouldn't be all that surprising if/when he eventually seeks to fulfill these desires elsewhere. If you believe the bit about him sending the pic to a child's phone on accident...then learn to let it go, stand by your husband, and deal with the actual problem instead. That being that your husband's needs are not being met.

BTW cops do not press charges...DAs do that. They're political creatures, don't like to lose, and they almost surely would lose a jury trial given the facts in evidence. Apologize to the kid's parents and tell the ahole cop to FO and eat another doughnut.

[Wakeup]

^^ lolzzz

Op: Have you booked a therapist appointment to help you husband with what ever TF his issue is and a marriage counsellor for the two of you? If you haven't or either of you refuse to get the help y'all need, then you might as well kiss this marriage goodbye.