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Thread: Would a woman who see's me platonically act this way

  1. #1
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    Would a woman who see's me platonically act this way

    Been reading the forum for a little while, first time posting. I really appreciate the help. I have a female friend who got out of a relationship some 6 months ago. Anyway since then we got a lot closer (initially she was obviously on the rebound but then we were apart for a while and now I think she's mostly over it). Anyway I fell for her (bad idea to fall for a girl whose rebounding but my heart is not very compliant) and I'm trying to figure out if she feels the same. The past actions are from last weekend when we hung out (we had dinner and drinks one night then lunch the following day then pre-gamed for a football game that evening with her friends).

    We hugged upon meeting and at dinner we both both complimented each other on clothes/jewelry a few times and we kind of stretched out the meal as long as possible (mutually) but eating, talking then ordering dessert later, after the dinner bill had come. Then we decided on the spot to go get drinks at a bar. When we got there she did something dumb and I told her she was cute when she was a junk show and hugged her, she didn't draw away and hugged me back. At both the bar a restaurant our legs were sort of in subtle "accidental" contact most of the time and we shared a lot of eye contact. At both we took turns paying the bills and hugged before we left.

    The next day I had a meeting in the morning and texted her when it was almost over to see if she wanted to get lunch. We met for lunch and it was similar to the previous night, she rested her foot on my leg most of the meal, even saying "oops I thought that was the table" at one point. She was playing with her hair most of the time we were there, to the point that she even commented that she was 'shedding' after which it kind of became a joke between us (recently she has always been playing with her hair when we are together, and me being a clueless guy, can't remember if she did this before but I think not...). At one point some of her hair blew into her mouth and I reached across the table to brush in out of her face, she seemed to be fine with that as she didn't recoil or anything. After our meal she suggested we walk around the block then she talked me into splitting a donut at a pastry place. Again on parting we hugged and each expressed how much fun we had.

    The few things that might be red flags: she mentioned in passing some other guys but was quick to point out that it would either never happen or mentioned it as something that happened in the past. The other this is that she is less affectionate around other people. Although she always carves out alone time for the two of us, she is also invites me to come join when she is with her friends but she splits her time between us (only natural I assume as she's somewhat shy. I don't really see her being as forthright around others she knows)

    My questions is this: if she just saw me as a friend, would she behave like this? I want to ask her out/start something more with her but I really value our friendship and don't want to risk it if there's very little chance she feels the same.

    Thanks for your help!

  2. #2
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    I think that only a club to your head would make it more obvious that she's attracted to you.
    Last edited by basilandthyme; 14-10-15 at 11:08 PM.
    Never regret anything that has happened in your life. It cannot be changed, forgotten or undone. So, take it as a lesson learned and move on.

  3. #3
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    It sounds like she'd be open to dating you but the thing is, in this day and age of crossing platonic friendship boundaries, no one really knows for sure unless you actually make it clear that you want to take her on a DATE (use the word) and at the end of that date, if she is giving you the same signals, you move in for a kiss. If she kisses you back, then she's game for advancing your "thing" to that of a romantic nature (even though you've been doing romantic things all along (see what I mean by crossing platonic relationship boundaries?)

    If she fends you off from that kiss, then you know her signals have just confused you and you can apologize and tell her as much. No harm no foul but you should then distance yourself somewhat from her in order to get YOUR emotions under control. Its no fun being someone's friend when you want to be more then that.
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

  4. #4
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    Basilandthyme: sometimes a club to the head is just what the doctor called for.
    Wakeup: the degree to which lines are blurred is a what worries me. Obviously I wish I could ask her out with confidence in how she feels, as that's impossible, I'll settle for a high probability that she's interested (which it seems like she is from what you have both said)

    Thanks to both of you though. I know that 90% of the battle is approaching it confidently and that's why I'm seeking advice a second opinion here

  5. #5
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    Good luck. Let us know how it pans out,
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

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