Feeling like my life is falling apart

[ConfusedL]

Hi,

I'm 23 years old and in February me and my girlfriend will be together for 3 years. (she is the same age as me)
One of her distant friends asked me for help in a mental situation that I passed a long time ago and we started a friendship relationship, but last weekend we set at her place and we started to kiss.(she is 19 years old)

I love my girlfriend, but I do have strong feelings for that other girl.

In the last month me and my gf have fought twice in situation that she said she wanted to break up and then said sorry and she was just seeking for attention also I asked her for a weekend off to think on things on my side but I decide I wanted to stay together (this happened before I kissed the other girl), we have small fights which now feels like every day, I can positively say I still love her and I did in the past saw a future with her, we wanted to move south in the country to live together while I study there and we did thought on marriage in the 2-3 years from now.
My gf get stressed from a lot of things and upset really easily.

The other girl is sweet , we have a lot of things in common and I have a lot of fun to talk to her (sometimes I feel like being with my gf for an hour or two and go sit with my friends), she is cool and relaxed most of the time and she is right now only stressed with what I will choose.

In the last week it feels hard for me to say I love you to my gf although I do love her, just because what that happened, I feel like a son of a bitch and I hate myself.

I don't know what to do, I'm afraid that if I will choose one of them I will making a mistake and lose the other forever.

I'm not asking for an answer "go with her" or "you are the worst!" I truly ask for help to see how can I decide , both of them are amazing but I don't know.

[Wakeup]

One of her distant friends asked me for help

Some friend *rolls eyes* if she'd get herself involved with you like she has when she knows her friend is your girlfriend.

Do yourself a favor and distance yourself completely from this so called "friend" of your girlfriend so that you can clear your thoughts and happy pants from her long enough to put your focus back on your girlfriend. Right now you are cheating on her and you can't make a proper decision as to who you want to be with when you're screwing around with one and pretending to be in a true relationship with the other.

if after a good length of time (you decide the limit) you find you are not happy with your current g/f, if you find you are still bickering all the time then it's best you leave her and not keep up a farce of a relationship with her. Don't mistake the habit of having her in your life as love. If you're going to leave her do it because you know being with her is never really going to make you happy... certainly don't do it for the infatuation of a girl that is willing to help you cheat on her friend. Ugh... where are her personal boundaries? Where is her loyalty to her friend? She may be "fun" and you may be lusting after her but she's not good people in general.

[TheEvilJester]

I couldn't agree much more with Wakeup if the words had come from my own mouth.... err... fingers, I guess. So, I don't really have a whole lot to add to what Wakeup said. Pretty much covers exactly everything I was going to say....

So, let me just help you put things in perspective a little more.

You are currently fighting with your girlfriend, so naturally that causes you to doubt the relationship. Then, you see this other girl who was a friend to you, but now things have become "complicated." You look at her and think "She is so sweet and nice. It is easy to get along with her....." etc., etc.

The thing is.... you probably thought the same things about your girlfriend early on in the relationship/when you were pursuing her in the first place. You probably thought she was so sweet, so nice, that you had so much in common and could talk for hours and hours.

What's my point? You always feel that way right off the bat. You certainly shouldn't leave your girlfriend simply because you think things may be better with this new girl. For two major reasons, really. One, maybe you'd be throwing away what could have been a great and long lasting relationship for a simple passing crush. Two, for all you know, in time when the "honeymoon phase" runs out with the new relationship, you could be facing the same thing.

All relationships hit a rough patch now and then. It COULD mean it is the wrong relationship for you and you would be best to move on..... but it COULD just as easily just mean you have things you need to work through, and then everything will be fine.

As Wakeup suggests, this other "option" is only clouding your judgment. It would be best to keep your distance from her and deal with your relationship with your girlfriend. You need to seriously work out whether or not you want to remain with your girlfriend, and you cannot have some outside influence clouding that decision. You need to make that decision as though you have no "option" in mind, because that is the only way you can be honest with yourself as to whether the things you are fighting about can be/should be fixed, or if it is just time to call it quits.

Frankly, IF you decide your current relationship needs to end, you really shouldn't jump into one with this other girl, or anyone for that matter, before taking some time to grow and heal. When any relationship ends, it is important to take time. You need to discover what you may have done wrong, what your ex may have done wrong, what can be done better in a new relationship? Otherwise, you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes. You could make the same mistakes you made in the past, or make the mistake of not realizing the same red flags you should have in past relationships.

Once you are truly ready to date again, then maybe revisit this other girl if you truly do think you want to do so. Personally, I kind of lean towards agreeing with Wakeup. She doesn't strike me as that great of a person if she is willing to participate in you cheating on your girlfriend.... even more so considering she is HER friend.

Good luck to you either way.