Trust

[twirling]

What do you do if you know someone you are in a relationship with is lying, but to reveal how you know they are lying would also be a betrayal of trust?

I found out by accident when she had logged into my laptop using Gmail and I never use that account for email other than to use youtube. I was surfing youtube one day and clicked on my account and the email tab and realised i was in her account, and before I logged out, and I did immediately, I saw a subject that said that she had a calendar reminder for seeing her ex boyfriend one night last week.

I tried to put it out of my mind, but also remembered that she had said she was seeing "a friend" that night and so I asked her who it was and she said again 'a friend' but when I asked twice she mentioned another male friend who she knows.

I asked if she had seen her ex recently because she still had to let him know that she and I were now in a relationship.

No trust, no relationship right?

Well, last night, due to this lack of trust, I accessed her phone and read her messages, which proved that the two of them (her ex boyfriend and her) had actually spent the evening together.

I have tried to find every possible way of being ok with this, but for some reason my mind is saying - if she can lie to me once about something so trivial then what else could she be hiding?

I am not against her seeing her ex, that is ridiculous, nor do I have any issue with her seeing anyone else, it is just the fact that she cannot tell me what she has done, and after several talks about it she continues to not admit it.

Am I being insane here? I mean I know I cannot tell her the reason I know she saw him otherwise I am admitting that my jealousy got the better of me and I am also breaking her trust - but why can't she just tell me she saw him and then it is done?

Thanks for reading and for any advice you can offer :O

[megvoh]

I wouldn't worry about betraying trust of someone who betrayed your trust first. Who cares if she knows how, if was me I'd let her know and the proof of how too.
Do you not want to say how, because you want to keep the high ground? or because you are scared if she knows how she'll break up with you?

[friendsfirst]

I agree. Confront her with the knowledge and ask her why she feels the need to hide something from you. You portray yourself to be an extremely understanding non-judgmental boyfriend, so she shouldn't have a problem fessing up. Keeping it a secret is going to be poison to any relationship you might can save.

[Wakeup]

Am I being insane here? I mean I know I cannot tell her the reason I know she saw him otherwise I am admitting that my jealousy got the better of me and I am also breaking her trust - but why can't she just tell me she saw him and then it is done?

Your logic is flawed. What, pray tell, is the point of snooping if you're not going to discuss what you found once you snooped?

Talk to her, tell her exactly what you told us instead of shit testing her and watching her fail at it which makes you even more anxious and angst ridden then your discovery has made you.

You cannot trust an untrustworthy person so ask her why she felt she needed to lie because her answer may very well be she did it because she knew that you could not handle the truth.