Long Distance Relationship

[ldrgirl]

I met a guy online. Everything was going so well. We decided to try and make it work even though we are a long way apart. We met in person three times now. The first few months we talked all the time and text and sent facebook messages and instagram and snap chat and skype. We were in communication constantly. Slowly over the last few weeks, it has went down a lot. I really think this guy could be the one for me. I don't want to push him away. I know LDR are really tough. Is the communication lessening normal? What kind of things can I do to make sure he knows how much I care about him?

[friendsfirst]

From what I understand, what you are going through is "normalization." At the beginning of a relationship, it's the "honey moon" phase where you can talk endlessly about nothing, and then things get normal. All those hours spent communicating have dramatically reduced the things you have to converse about. Essentially this is going to be the normal everyday type of relationship you have. If you get to this point and still feel the same way for the person, than it's likely your relationship is headed in the right direction. I do know it is REALLY hard to get use to not talking and communicating so much though, so stick with it...

I'm sure he knows you care about him, but I personally(I'm in a LDR too) try to let him know each day I appreciate him, and love him. I post cute sayings on his FB wall. I try to read about something he mentioned, or watch something on TV he's interested in. For instance, I watched a sporting event my SO was interested in last night, while he was watching it, so he could explain some of things I don't understand to me. You have to find things that work for the two of you. Best of luck!!!

[ldrgirl]

Its confusing because I feel like hes losing interest with me. Why else would he go from talking to me all the time to a lot less? Could it really be a good thing?

[friendsfirst]

The only thing I know to tell you is, if he's going to lose interest in you, it wouldn't matter about the distance or anything, because he would find someone else. Be okay with losing him. I know that sounds absolutely insane, and it's not easy, BUT if you get all clingy and crazy insecure about losing him, you're going to drive him away. What's going to be is going to be. Calm down, and just see what happens. You were okay before you met him, and if something happens and it doesn't work out, you will be okay. In my own situation, I just remind myself, I am a better person for having loved him and having him loved me, and if it doesn't work out, than sure it will be sad, but I'm thankful to have been loved by such a wonderful man.

[ldrgirl]

So you dont think he will find someone closer to him?

[geena7176]

Hi, I would say (although its harsh) that his interest might be waning. However he might be interested again in future. Appear busy and happy on social media, he will look for you online if he is still interested, dont contact him again until he contacts you first. You may appear too needy and 'too available'. A busy and contented person will always appear attractive, it will either ignite his passion (or that of someone closer) so you will win either way. Be patient and play a long game, I know its hard, Im in a ldr myself, best wishes xx

[Wakeup]

Its confusing because I feel like hes losing interest with me. Why else would he go from talking to me all the time to a lot less? Could it really be a good thing?

The first time you met him did you have sex with him?

[ldrgirl]

The first time you met him did you have sex with him?

Yes I did.

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Hi, I would say (although its harsh) that his interest might be waning. However he might be interested again in future. Appear busy and happy on social media, he will look for you online if he is still interested, dont contact him again until he contacts you first. You may appear too needy and 'too available'. A busy and contented person will always appear attractive, it will either ignite his passion (or that of someone closer) so you will win either way. Be patient and play a long game, I know its hard, Im in a ldr myself, best wishes xx

Thanks. I think it is getting better now.

[Wakeup]

Yes I did.

Well, that's why his interest is waning. He no longer has a goal.

You'd do well to turn him down next time he wants to get together and actually be busy rather then just SAY you are busy. I suspect you are not the only one he's doing. No proof of course but its very clear when a guy wants you for more then booty because he actually makes plans to see you again and he talks to you in between because he doesn't want you losing interest in him.

You'd do well to keep dating while you're seeing him so that you're not putting all your eggs (emotions) in one basket.

Its hard enough having an established relationship and then one or the other has to go long distance for a period of time. It's almost impossible to maintain a relationship with someone where it started out long distance and you've not really gotten the chance to learn about the other face to face. Having sex with him on first meet often (more times then no) takes away all the intrigue and motivation to be together.

I think you'll find he picks up his interest when he's wanting to have sex again only for that interest to wane again once he's gotten it.

[ldrgirl]

Well, that's why his interest is waning. He no longer has a goal.

You'd do well to turn him down next time he wants to get together and actually be busy rather then just SAY you are busy. I suspect you are not the only one he's doing. No proof of course but its very clear when a guy wants you for more then booty because he actually makes plans to see you again and he talks to you in between because he doesn't want you losing interest in him.

You'd do well to keep dating while you're seeing him so that you're not putting all your eggs (emotions) in one basket.

Its hard enough having an established relationship and then one or the other has to go long distance for a period of time. It's almost impossible to maintain a relationship with someone where it started out long distance and you've not really gotten the chance to learn about the other face to face. Having sex with him on first meet often (more times then no) takes away all the intrigue and motivation to be together.

I think you'll find he picks up his interest when he's wanting to have sex again only for that interest to wane again once he's gotten it.

why would he make me his booty call when im hundreds of miles away? that makes no sense. i dont get the feeling he would cheat on me. he just isnt like that. we decided to only date each other. why would i date other people?

[Wakeup]

why would he make me his booty call when im hundreds of miles away? that makes no sense.

It makes lots of sense. He gets to do you when you see one another and doesn't have to deal with you in a relationship. You've done him already so you've told him in actions that you will screw him without any commitment.

i dont get the feeling he would cheat on me. he just isnt like that.

How would you know? You hardly know him for goodness sakes and what you do know of him, is based on words he's spoken without any actions to back them up as his truth.

we decided to only date each other. why would i date other people?

It's why would he that is the question. Thing is, he may not be physically cheating on you but he is likely meeting other girls that he may form a true connection with because he is able to be face to face with them. You've been face to face with him three times. You don't even know him or really, anything about him except what he's told you.

He may just be getting bored with the idle chit chat and no real one on one time with you in the real world, who knows but I have to ask YOU: Why wouldn't you have tried to form a connection with someone when online dating that is close enough for you to see regularly and who you could REALLY get to know in person BEFORE you have sex with them?
This forming something from long distance is doomed more times then not, from the beginning.