Just how important is sex in a relationship?

[dealinwithit]

K here goes. So for the last while, it just doesn't matter what I do. Slow, fast, hard soft, my GF just does not get off. She keeps saying it's no big deal. I just can't wrap my head around how that can't be a big deal. We've been together over 10 years, she says that cuddles and kissing and spending time together is more important than sex. Now I can appreciate that, but doesn't everybody male and female have needs that must be met? She says I put too much pressure on myself and that I'm too focused on getting her off that I don't enjoy sex but I have never been able to enjoy sex if the woman I'm with isn't fully enjoying herself. She keeps saying that getting off isn't important to her, and even if that should be true, it's important to me. I hate to compare sex to a job, but when I do something, anything, I pride myself on doing it right, and thoroughly. And one-way sex where I cum and she doesn't, makes me feel worthless no matter what she says. So, ladies, if your man wasn't getting you off, ever, would you get it somewhere else or would it actually not be a big deal? I'm at the point where I just can't be bothered to have sex with her and the absolute last thing I want is to have sex with another woman either given the circumstances.

So is getting off a big deal or not?

[sodonewithdatin]

Some women just have a difficult time orgasming regardless of what their partner does. Is she capable of making herself orgasm? I agree, I always like to make sure we're both as pleased as possible and feel bad if only I get off. Definetely talk with your partner about your feelings and try things that she's comfortable with. Use toys or have her stimulate herself while your being intimate with her to try and make it work together. For some women orgasms during sex or even from another person can be difficult. I guess it just comes down to, does she ever have them? Can she give them to herself? What can you do to make her comfortable and relaxed where there isn't the pressure where it has to happen or happens everytime. It also might not be helping if she's worried about you stressing about it and focusing too much on it. Enjoy yourself, enjoy being with her and you'll both be happy. If you two love each other and enjoy being intimate together, that's what matters the most. True love and companionship lasts longer than any sex session or orgasm

[friendsfirst]

Some women have a very hard time orgasming while being intimate with someone else. Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe after 10 years of faking it with you, she quit. Ask her to show you how she gets herself off. Watch the things that do the trick for her. It could be a fun time of sexual exploration with your partner. Enjoy yourself, and enjoy her. There are times when I haven't had an orgasm, but I have very much enjoyed the connection sex brings.

[starbar]

Do you have foreplay? Oral? 90% of women find it v difficult to climax through sex alone.. many never do. So you have to get her off in other ways like touching, oral, toys etc

I don't understand why she says it doesn't matter. Of course it does to the majority of people but I personally don't see it as a reason or excuse to cheat. I think that is the last of your worries. Most women who do cheat, do so for emotional reasons (feeling unloved for example) not usually for purely sexual reasons. Not that any reason is an excuse..

Anyway I agree that she has been faking it. Not your fault. She needs to learn to communicate what she wants.

[basilandthyme]

If she's never been able to orgasm, then this is her normal and she's OK with it.

[antenna]

It's very likely that your gf is telling the truth haha. I'm in a similar position to her, with a boyfriend who gets more upset than I do when I can't orgasm. some girls just have a harder time getting orgasms, but the sex still feels good, it's not a big deal, and like she says cuddling, kissing, spending time together is awesome. she is not cheating on you, and you are not worthless. She'd probably enjoy sex even more if you stopped worrying about your performance so much.

[forever]

To some it does while to others it doesn't

[that EmmaGirl]

it's very individual and might be different for your gf.
The answer is not straight forward: Sex is important, as in the whole process from initiation to what happens afterwards. Orgasm might be important to some, less important or not important at all to others.
Orgasm is not the only important part of sex.
I hope this is not TMI, but I personally enjoy every aspect of love making even if I fail to orgasm a particular time.

A whole other thing is whether she seems like she's not enjoying any of it. If she's enjoying herself, but simply has problems achieving orgasm, it might be ok. You can try and find out what make help her, or ask her how she does it herself.
In any case, you need to talk to her. Find out whether she's enjoying it and whether she has tips for you. She will appreciate that.