What is he doing? Caught between my heart and my brain.

[YourName]

Hey guys,
So I previously made a post about this- but I think it was way too long, as I didn't get much for feedback. So I am going to explain this again, just a little shorter.

My ex and I dated for a year and a half. It was the first time either of us were actually in an all-consuming love/ relationship. To make it simple- We were serious, and lived together for the last 4 months of our relationship. He was my best friend, as I was his. However, due to a hardship I went through ... I ended up depressed, and changed for the worse, for a time. Definitely was not a nice girlfriend or person.
We split up in February, and then got back together one week later, when I heard all about how depressed he was for that week from his friends/parents. When we were back together he reminded me up and down, how he loved me and never wants to lose me again.
After we got back together, things were great for 3 weeks..until they went down hill again, which lead to a major argument that split us up in April.
I spent the following two months changing myself... thinking things over... and then reached out towards the end of June/beginning of July 3 times. None of which, I got a response.
That is, until September-5 months after splitting. I assumed he was over it. Although, frankly, I am/ was not. But after no response, I had given up. In September I received a few drunk call/ voicemails at 3 AM... crying and sobbing about losing me. Realizing that I am different from others to him (which he always told me anyways while we were together) and all the usual "drunk call" phrases. However, I was woken at 5:30 AM with a text talking about how it wasn't him, and was his friend taking his phone and just randomly calling a bunch of people while he was in another room (Which, I know that is not true. It was, no doubt in my mind, him).
After that, I let it go. Never called back. Nothing.
Then, two weeks later, he started going to the gym I have been going to consistently since July. He started going every day at the same time as me. Which I relished in, since I have lost a lot of weight since we split. We saw each other every day, yet never spoke. I ignored him. For about a month we worked out around eachother. Sometime he would come right by me and lift...but no exchange was made.
Now, he has a girlfriend. As of 3 weeks ago. The scary thing to me, is that she looks exactly like me.Exactly. Like. Me. Its uncanny.
So, I asked one of our mutual friends what was going on. This friend told me:
1.)My ex is aware she looks just like me- his family apparently gives him crap for it a lot.
2.) He still talks about me a lot
3.) He is claiming I go to the gym to "stalk him" and I'm invading "his gym". Which I don't. Its for my personal health.
Last week, he was at the gym near me, and another man came and asked me out. Right in front of him. This other man and I worked out together for the rest of the night. And I assure you, my ex stayed very very very close for the duration of the night. He did not seem to happy, from what I could tell.

So what is he doing? I know he is stubborn.. some things tell me he misses me.... but never having a response in June told me he doesn't. What is happening?
Is there a way to get him back? I know.... his games make him NOT worth the trouble. But I find myself still thinking of him quite often. Unfortunately he still has a place in my heart like no other.
Advice on what to do? Advice on what he is doing?
Thanks!

[SuperHappyTime1]

Hey guys,
So I previously made a post about this- but I think it was way too long, as I didn't get much for feedback. So I am going to explain this again, just a little shorter.

My ex and I dated for a year and a half. It was the first time either of us were actually in an all-consuming love/ relationship. To make it simple- We were serious, and lived together for the last 4 months of our relationship. He was my best friend, as I was his. However, due to a hardship I went through ... I ended up depressed, and changed for the worse, for a time. Definitely was not a nice girlfriend or person.
We split up in February, and then got back together one week later, when I heard all about how depressed he was for that week from his friends/parents. When we were back together he reminded me up and down, how he loved me and never wants to lose me again.
After we got back together, things were great for 3 weeks..until they went down hill again, which lead to a major argument that split us up in April.
I spent the following two months changing myself... thinking things over... and then reached out towards the end of June/beginning of July 3 times. None of which, I got a response.
That is, until September-5 months after splitting. I assumed he was over it. Although, frankly, I am/ was not. But after no response, I had given up. In September I received a few drunk call/ voicemails at 3 AM... crying and sobbing about losing me. Realizing that I am different from others to him (which he always told me anyways while we were together) and all the usual "drunk call" phrases. However, I was woken at 5:30 AM with a text talking about how it wasn't him, and was his friend taking his phone and just randomly calling a bunch of people while he was in another room (Which, I know that is not true. It was, no doubt in my mind, him).
After that, I let it go. Never called back. Nothing.
Then, two weeks later, he started going to the gym I have been going to consistently since July. He started going every day at the same time as me. Which I relished in, since I have lost a lot of weight since we split. We saw each other every day, yet never spoke. I ignored him. For about a month we worked out around eachother. Sometime he would come right by me and lift...but no exchange was made.
Now, he has a girlfriend. As of 3 weeks ago. The scary thing to me, is that she looks exactly like me.Exactly. Like. Me. Its uncanny.
So, I asked one of our mutual friends what was going on. This friend told me:
1.)My ex is aware she looks just like me- his family apparently gives him crap for it a lot.
2.) He still talks about me a lot
3.) He is claiming I go to the gym to "stalk him" and I'm invading "his gym". Which I don't. Its for my personal health.
Last week, he was at the gym near me, and another man came and asked me out. Right in front of him. This other man and I worked out together for the rest of the night. And I assure you, my ex stayed very very very close for the duration of the night. He did not seem to happy, from what I could tell.

So what is he doing? I know he is stubborn.. some things tell me he misses me.... but never having a response in June told me he doesn't. What is happening?
Is there a way to get him back? I know.... his games make him NOT worth the trouble. But I find myself still thinking of him quite often. Unfortunately he still has a place in my heart like no other.
Advice on what to do? Advice on what he is doing?
Thanks!

Random questions as I read through:
-Why were you depressed and/or a bad girlfriend?
-Okay, he still loves you in February
-What was the big argument in April? Did one of you forget to go grocery shopping, or were you pregnant with your child and one of you wanted an abortion?
-It was him. The drunkest, loneliest, and possibly horniest time in his entire life. If you have a smidge of belief it was him, it probably was. Bull-shit, it was a friend.
-Good for you never getting back to him at that period in time.
-Losing weight is good. Period. Regardless how much it may make another regret their mistake. Good on you.
-Depends on how the "we see each other at the gym every day" thing plays out. For me personally, I'm there either before breakfast, possibly during lunch (if I have the time), or between work's end and dinner, and almost never after dinner. Odds are he chose the same gym as you on accident.
--On the above, really weird he hadn't said hello to you once.
-Seriously, if I had a dollar for every girl I've pined over or looked like another girl I've pined over, I could spend the rest of my life posting advice on this forum instead of having to work for a living. I like a weird combination of 4-5 types that "Exactly. Like. Me." would apply to.
-Your mutual friend:
--If he's a guy, believe only as much as he believes it. If the friend comes across as joking, don't believe your ex is in love. If he comes across as honest, he's probably telling the truth.
--If she's a girl, the gossip is stretched, but your initial opinion when you hear it is probably correct.

Advice? If the second argument didn't settle things between you and your Ex, both of you have little left to say to one another. Forget him.

[Wakeup]

You've broken up twice now in a year and a half. If that's not natures way of telling you that you're not meant to be LIFEmates then I don't know what is.

Get yourself away from him and even join another gym or go at another time if that's what it takes for you to actually go ZERO contact from him. Going zero contact is THE only way you're going to stop your need to be in his life.

[YourName]

Thank You for the responses- I greatly appreciate them

1. ) I was depressed because I had to move away for a while and didn't know if I was going to be able to move back. Its complicated. However, upon my choice to move back (which I did) my family and I hit a very very very rough point. This resulted in my doubting who I am as a person and it spiraled from there...
to Number 3.) This argument was about the way he had been treating me. And how I felt as though he was not putting effort in and didn't care. It was the same argument as it was in February. Now I am much more understanding about his situation. I was not before. And I realize I am at fault for a majority (but not all) of it. And I did try to apologize afterwards for that.

Also, his friend is a sincere friend that has been my friend since we were young. I trust what his friend tells me.

And yes, I completely agree that I should get over this man. In fact.. I have prayed time after time to move on. I've improved myself to make myself happier (pursued a new major in college, an excellent job, lost weight, SERIOUSLY re-evaluated who I am/ who I want to be... and many more things. I have found myself in a much happier place with who I am.
However, despite these changes, I feel that emptiness. I have been with other men since then, and yet, I still miss him. Everytime I think of him, I try my hardest to re-direct that thought. He's like I curse I can't shake. I desire to move on, and yet, I am having the hardest time. I think this is because I had no closure.. and I still find myself with hope for reasons I don't know. I guess having that drunk call... knowing he still speaks of me.....
all that says to me he still cares. (I know him very well. He NEVER, EVER spoke of exes, unless it bugged him. He also avoided seeing them in public at all costs). And yet, he still went to the gym at the same time as me, every night, knowing I was going to be there. Because it was that time I went there... every night. Maybe I should switch, but even so.... I don't know if I will still be able to move on as I wish I could. I didn't for all this time, still.
Thank you for the responses Any feedback or advice from this would be appreciated as well!

- - - Updated - - -

Also, I know why he didn't say hello,
He likely knows he messed up when we broke up (not BECAUSE we broke up- but HOW... let's just say it was ugly and his dad literally kicked his ass for it right in front of me). This man is the most stubborn man I have ever met- and has never ever been one to admit to his faults. Ever. Under any circumstances.
And that is why he didn't say hello. Pure, block-headed stubborn-ness.
However, my Grandmother thinks, because of that, I would be better off if I had said hello from the start, rather than acting snobby. (Not saying hello and ignoring him at the gym). Because when we first saw each other, he went persistently every night when I was there. Came near me... almost seemed like he would say hello---- but then, didn't.
Until his look-a-like girlfriend. Since her, he has slowly stopped coming. And if he does it is rare.
My Grandmother thinks, if I had said hello and been nice when he first started going, I would be in a better place about it. That my being snobby was a turn-off.
However, from my point of view, I was the last to reach out, besides his drunk call. It is not my move to say hello. Thoughts?

[SuperHappyTime1]

Your Grandmother is right. If you said hello to your ex then, you might have patched things up. He'd be back in your life, and you wouldn't have this empty hole.

So where are you now? From what you said, you're doing what you'd want (career-wise), you've lost weight (1 lb, or 150 lbs, that's still to your benefit), and you are happy. Those are all positives, even going from 500 lbs to 495.

He hasn't given you the time of day. It's a negative, but it's so minuscule compared to what you've accomplished above. Really, if we ever bring up the question "Whose turn is it to say hello?", the relationship is over, be it casual friends, ****buddies, or spouses, it's finished.

His drunk call may have been his sad plea for reconciliation. You didn't answer, which might be your bad. But when questioned, he denied he tried asking, so its his bad.

TL;DR: Your old boyfriend was a turd. There are plenty of better fish in sea.

[basilandthyme]

Why do you want to get back with a man who's stubborn, pig headed and can't admit his faults? Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

[Wakeup]

^^^ I totally agree:

This man is the most stubborn man I have ever met- and has never ever been one to admit to his faults. Ever. Under any circumstances.

Are you a stickler for punishment?

Look, this is NOT a good life match for you, your dating history is PROOF of that no matter what anyone else says to the contrary. Had you said hello to him at that gym and it did lead to the two of you getting back together, you would (by all accounts) broken up again when he showed you the essence that is him once again... that being a stubborn man who doesn't admit to anything (even if its in his own best interests.... that's a problem personality trait in case you don't know that won't change no matter how much you do).

Get professional help to guide you to the state of indifference to him if your ego and your psyche is stopping you from moving on. You are wasting your good dating years clinging onto the hope of being with someone you can't get along with and have already broken up with TWICE in a very short time. If that's not closure that you give yourself, if you can't see that it is, then DO get that counselling.

Be well.

[YourName]

Thank you for the responses- I truly appreciate it.
I understand that being a stubborn jerk is bad. It drove me nuts throughout the entire relationship. And it deeply frustrates me to know his bad qualities and still care. I have been wanting to look into counseling to move past it... just haven't known where a good place would be to go.
Again, I appreciate hearing back very much!