Feeling sad - giving up on women

[Bewilderbeasts]

I'm sad today. Last night I lost my phone. Today I don't have access to WhatsApp though I might be able to get it back tomorrow. And I feel incapable of attracting women enough to have a sexual and/or romantic relationship.

It's funny, most of the times I feel sad, are due to my problems with women.

I suppose I have three choices:

1.

Try and become more attractive to women by getting fitter, cultivating better conversation skills, and becoming richer. The problems with these potential solutions are several.

Women apart I'm fairly happy with my diet and exercise routine. I go surfing often and do gym work when I have the energy and time. My diet is fairly healthy and this all adds up to me being in decent shape. Certainly no Adonis that will atract women thanks to my physique, but decent. Personally I'm happy with that.

Again, I'm quite happy with my conversational skills. I can talk about things I find interesting and can small talk fine too. I don't routinely dazzle groups of people or even individuals, but I am an interesting person to talk to when the mood or subject takes me. I'm fine with that. Apart from being able to attract women better I don't really care to be a better conversationalist. I mean its not a bad thing, but I'd rather focus my efforts elsewhere.

That leaves getting richer. Well, JOIN THE ****ING CLUB right?...

Plus, I'm getting older/balder, and there's not much I can do about that I don't think. I already do the best I can with the hair I've got in terms of haircut/style.

2.

Try harder. Put myself out there more.

Now this can work. I remember when I used to put a fair bit effort and thought into attracting women, I did OK.

Not great, because its been years since my last fulfilling relationship, but OK because I got laid now and then with doable women, some very, some just about acceptable, and had choices.

But I'm tired of that. I'm tired of putting effort (almost always one sided) into conversations with some stranger over WhatsApp that was a match on Tinder, only for 95% of them to not actually lead to a date anyway. And half of those that do, leading to nothing more than a somewhat enjoyable yet somewhat awkward first date that won't be repeated because there doesn't seem to be much chemistry.

I'm tired of awkard silences after the initial approach in a nightclub, even though I can usually pull off the initial approach well and get a warm reception from them, it quickly goes downhill after that, because 95% of women aren't up for getting physical right off the bat, even if they do think you seem attractive, and really the alternative is no better, because WHAT THE **** are you going to talk about with a stranger that you've just met in a nightclub where you can barely hear each other and there are 1 million distractions going on.

And don't even get me started on meeting women during the day... That's a LIE. I don't know where the **** attractive women hide during the day, but they don't seem to do anything I'm interested in doing, be it surfing, hiking, waiting for the bus, or playing beach volleyball. Believe me I've tried.

3.

Admit that I am just unatractive to women and give up on them completely. Then I would need to be fulfilled enough by the other aspects in my life, indefinately.

I'm pretty sure I could be fulfilled enough by my other activities but the idea of giving up on romantic/sexual relationships is kind of depressing in itself.

And it feels unfair because I'm really not that bad a catch... But it seems you have to have something flashily special to attract women which apart from my height I don't really have. But then even my height isn't all that special 'cos the height that really does seem to draw the ladies is that of the 7 ft giants that play pro basket ball...

I'm more intelligent than most people, but that's not flashy... That's invisible most of the time.

And I'm good-looking, in a "in the right light" kind of way, but not enough to overcome the barrier to something happening often enough to satisfy me.

Conclusion: not sure what to do, but I feel a bit better having written this down. Leaning towards giving up completely though at the moment.

[woody]

Your over thinking things here in my humble opinion. You must realize some sort of self confidence, some knowledge of self acceptance and stop looking. Perhaps once you stop looking and become content with just that, she will appear.
The Universe works in uncanny ways.
Continue nurturing your self. Wise up to expectations your casting. Beauty comes from within ultimately so if your hoping to land a so called 'attractive' woman, oooo, watch out for that. Don't go for the superficial layers if you yourself hold some depth which by the sounds of your words, you do.

Stay bright, she will arrive in your sights when your least expecting it.

[Bewilderbeasts]

Your over thinking things here in my humble opinion. You must realize some sort of self confidence, some knowledge of self acceptance and stop looking. Perhaps once you stop looking and become content with just that, she will appear.
The Universe works in uncanny ways.
Continue nurturing your self. Wise up to expectations your casting. Beauty comes from within ultimately so if your hoping to land a so called 'attractive' woman, oooo, watch out for that. Don't go for the superficial layers if you yourself hold some depth which by the sounds of your words, you do.

Stay bright, she will arrive in your sights when your least expecting it.

Thanks for the wise words woody.

The thing is though, I don't buy this whole forget about it, it will come thing... The only way I can really forget about it and not focus on it at all is to give up hope for it altogether. Maintaining hope for something while pretending not to look for it seems contradictory and hipocritical to me, and so for me, imposible. But giving up hope for it... feels very sad...

[woody]

Don't pretend its not out there. Know that it is. No need to give up hope. Just rest in the fact that somewhere right now, she's out there probably wondering if you exist.

[TheEvilJester]

God, I feel your pain so very much. I've been kind of in the same boat lately. In fact, you sound a lot like me. I may not be Bradley Cooper, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, or Bruce Campbell, or anything like that.... But I'm not a bad looking dude. I may not be a super genius, but I am fairly intelligent (above average, even). I may not be a millionaire, but I make decent money. I may not be Mr. Social Butterfly, but get me talking and I can be an extremely fun/funny guy. Like you, I have started taking better care of myself, but I am in no way interested in being one of those people who lives in the gym and will NEVER eat anything bad for you. But, I do fairly well.

But, none of that seems to matter. What's worse for me... take a look at that paragraph I just typed up above.... That attitude, in and of itself, is a GIGANTIC accomplishment for me. Wasn't too long ago that I couldn't say any of that because I didn't believe any of that. Wasn't too long ago that I HATED myself. Thought myself a hideous ugly monster than nobody could ever love. I don't see that in myself anymore. I can finally admit that I'm a good dude, and honestly not that bad looking to boot.....

Yet I still feel completely hopeless when it comes to attracting women. I wish I could offer some advice, but right now I am trapped in very much the same position. So, if nothing else, I hope it at least helps to know you are not alone.

I will say this, I feel the woodster is right. (By the way, long team no see, woody! How you been?) The key thing is just learning to be happy in and of ourselves. After that, eventually things will come along. Which, that isn't to imply we expect our dream girls to just fall into our laps, or that we expect them to come ask US out. I'm just saying, it can be too easy to get stuck in the trap of so desperately WANTING that connection that it becomes too hard to deal with it not happening, and becomes too hopeless to believe it ever will.

I know, in time, I will be okay.... but right now I've given up. I just can't see the sunlight through the clouds anymore. Sounds like you are right there with me. So, I know how much this just sounds like meaningless words.....

But it honestly won't be that way forever. You WILL find somebody someday and it will make all this you've suffered through seem worthwhile. Believe me, I am right there with you so I know how impossible that is to believe right now. Just know, in time, it will all make sense. Right now, nothing I can say will really help all that much, because I know that from experience. I definitely appreciate my well-meaning friends, but words just don't help. Intellectually, I think you and I both know they are true.... it is just too hard to believe they are true for us.

So, right now, the trick for us both, I think, is to just learn to be happy with ourselves. Eventually the right gal will come along. No harm in learning how better to actually deal with it when it does. Me, I have no frigging clue how to ask women out in real life, hence why I had tried online dating (seems a much better option for me)..... but found that to be as much of a ridiculous and abysmal failure as you did. Still, as best you can (and I can) just learn to be happy with you, and pursue things that make you happy. In time, the opportunity will present itself. Just be ready when it does, but also ready to happily move on if it doesn't work out.

Good luck, my friend.