I can't believe I'm thinking about this.

[warriormaiden]

So, I was here about a month or two ago, and I posted this in the heart break section:

[url]https://www.loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/96314-ventilation.html[/url]

I have now noticed that the guy in question, has reactivated his dating profile.

Which means, he is no longer dating Ms. Amazing.

And I am sooo tempted to say something.

But the last time we spoke, it was so final and....it was a respectable ending. I just don't want to mess that up if things are really not meant to be.


Should I say something or not?

[smarta$$]

I couldn't read through that last post... way too long, but it looks as though you developed feelings for a guy you were in a f*ck-buddy situation, but he fell for someone else, but now that they are broken up, you want to move back in?

I wouldn't. You already established yourself as available for FWB. He will likely not be able to move past that and see you in another way.

[warriormaiden]

I couldn't read through that last post... way too long, but it looks as though you developed feelings for a guy you were in a f*ck-buddy situation, but he fell for someone else, but now that they are broken up, you want to move back in?

I wouldn't. You already established yourself as available for FWB. He will likely not be able to move past that and see you in another way.

He expressed romantic interest in me. I think if I hadn't had been so adament on keeping things casual, he would have felt more relaxed about going further.

[smarta$$]

Well, I guess the bigger question is then, how well do you handle disappointment, should things not go the way you want them to? If your last loss was big, I'd be careful about exposing myself to further rejection.

[TheEvilJester]

I had not seen your original post. I just read through it now. It was long, but I feel for my fellow talkers. As people on this board will know from experience, I can get pretty long-winded. LOL! A little piece of advice from a fellow talker....

When I know I'm going to have a super long post, I will often also offer a "TL; DR" (Too long, didn't read) summary in bold. Some people honestly want to help but just don't have time to read such a long post, and that allows them to get the quick cliff's notes version, whereas those who like all the details can read the whole thing anyway.

As it is, I read through it because I wanted to be able to offer any advice I could knowing as much of the details as I could.

Here's my initial thoughts....

I would sort of, gut reaction, lean towards saying you shouldn't bother to reach out to him. You say you and him were "together" (not really a couple, but not REALLY just friends either) and that never changed. He went out on ONE DATE with this other girl, and was suddenly smitten and wanted to be with her. Took his dating profile down almost immediately. Bottom line, you don't deserve to be somebody's consolation prize. You should be their grand prize. I lean towards thinking if he was equally smitten with you, he'd have said/done something to try to make your situation more serious.

That said, I realize you do say that you were clear right from the start that you only really had the time/desire at that moment to be friends with any guy, just as much as him. So, there is some possibility that the only reason he WASN'T that smitten with you (as he was this other gal) was because he knew (or thought, since this seemed to change in you) that you were not interested in anything more than what you two had. There's really no way you, or any of us, could know that.

For all we know, the sorta friends sorta more situation could have been ideal for him because he wasn't that into you...... or for all we know, he could have secretly been wishing he could have more with you the entire time, but knew it wasn't what you wanted. Either equally possible. Without being a mind-reader, you wouldn't know.

So, I think smart@$$ makes a good point. Do you think you could handle it if you try asking him out, and he is not interested? If you think you could deal with that, then yes, it might be better to take that chance so at least that way you know. If he isn't interested, then at least you know, and if he IS, then you will be glad you gave it a chance. On the other hand, if you think being rejected by him would be too devastating for you to handle right now, then maybe you just leave it be and move on. In that case, if he comes to you, then that is great. If not, then you just move on and forget the whole thing.

Believe me, I understand how you feel in thinking that you'll never meet a guy with whom you click quite as much as him. I even understand that it comes from experience for you. You've dated a lot of guys and not really hit it off with them. At least not like this fella. The thing is, unfortunately, that is dating sometimes. Often you go through a lot of dates with people who just aren't the right match for you before you find anybody worthwhile. There ARE other guys out there you could like just as much as this fella.... maybe even more. I know how frustrating it can be trying to find them, but they ARE out there. Trust me, I of all people understand that feeling of hopelessness, but if he really WAS meant to be your one and only, then it would happen. As far as I am concerned, if it doesn't happen, that means, great though he may be, he wasn't your true match.

Good luck to you either way. I hope you find your true love, whether it turns out to be this guy or somebody else.