confusing and complicated crush!

[hydra]

so i've known him for more than a year now, and i was always attracted to him, recently we've gotten so close that we do consider ourselves best friends, or something like that obviously i think of him as more than a friend.

And i must also say that we did have sex 3 times we also kiss or make out sometimes when we feel like it, it started with a drunken mistake but the other times we did it while completly sober, and we just agreed to be friend and sometimes get naughty, the thing though is that one time during the sex we decided to have a heart to heart talk, and we both made it clear that none of us was in love with the other, he already knew that i had a little crush on him but i explained to him that it was just attraction and not love, and he told me that he tried to see me in a diffrent light and fall in love with me but he just couldn't so i told him that i'll wait for him.

these last days we flirt way more and he's always the one who initiate the make out sessions and i'm confused as to why he'd do that if he doesn't feel anything romantic toward me, yesterday i asked him to come to my appartement so we could pull an all nighter studying, but he told me that he wldn't be able to take off his hands of me so it'll be better if we didn't study together.

the other problem is that he was really hurt from a past relationship that he completly fear committement and since he does cherish me a lot( this i'm sure of xD) he's always saying that he's not right for me and that he doesn't want to hurt me.

And honestly everyday i fall for him more and more, and now i don't know what to do, i can't stop seeing him cz i just can't, he's the closest person to me right now, plus we r on the same class, i can't also stop myself from kissing him cz i want him that much too

i was thinking of sending him the song"adele-one and only" but my pride won't let me do that and i also don't want to come off as clingy, but i really have no idea wht i can do to get him to talk to me again about our situation or have me explain my feeling to him without letting go of my pride,

Plz Help!!

[basilandthyme]

he's always the one who initiate the make out sessions and i'm confused as to why he'd do that if he doesn't feel anything romantic toward me,

A while ago someone asked the question "what advice would you give your younger self?" And one of my responses was "understand that when a guy gets intimate with you, it doesn't mean that he wants a relationship". Boy, did I learn that the hard way. What I viewed as 'potential for relationship' they viewed as 'no strings fun'.

Telling you that he's not right for you is another way of saying "I don't want to date you". Time won't make him fall in love with you. If it hasn't happened now, it's not going to happen. If you explain your feelings, he's going to remind you that there's no love and he will tell you that he's not right for you.

I know this is harsh and horrible. But I really wish I'd understood this in my late teens.

[lightstar]

If hes emotionally unavailable and doesn't see you that way then continuing to sleep with him wont change anything. If he thinks your just good for fun in bed then he will continue to spend time with you just coz its easy for him to get sex..

I think you really need to have more self respect and cut this off with him. He is only going to hurt you. You already want more and this is already hurting you. It will only get worse.

I think you need to realize that you deserve better and stop being a toy for him to pick up and drop when he feels like it.

[Wakeup]

these last days we flirt way more and he's always the one who initiate the make out sessions and i'm confused as to why he'd do that if he doesn't feel anything romantic toward me,

Uhm... because you get him off. Having sex with you does not equate to Loving you, darl'n.

If you think that your lust and infatuation are actually "love" then you should tell him how you are feeling instead of pretending that you are this cool fvck buddy who won't rock the boat. He will dump you when a new interest comes along or, he will fade you out when that happens and you'll wonder why he's turning down your invites to come and do you.

Telling him "you'll wait for him" was actually telling him that you're okay with stifling your ever growing feelings after he has told you that he doesn't have any for you other then fondness because you put out.

I'm sorry to be so blunt but you really need to tell him that you have feelings for him and can he see himself becoming exclusive and committed with you. If he still says "no" then you really should dig deep for that self-respect, bite the bullet and let him go (zero contact) so that you can get over him. You're wasting very good dating years screwing a guy and bonding to, a guy that enjoys you for sex but has no romantic feelings for you. Who knows, perhaps after your talk, he will have changed his mind if he knows that you are now being honest with him... sometime has passed and he may be on the same page (doubtful but there is a chance) In any event, you need to know where you really stand so that you can dial back your times with him until you're capable of making a clean break from him before he screws you up for years to come.

[TheEvilJester]

Hail Hydra!

Sorry. I HAD to open with that. :-P

Being serious now....

I really wish I could offer you a more optimistic view, but I have to agree with the others. It doesn't sound like he is interested in you as more than just a "friend with benefits." Why would he make out with you, have his hands all over you, etc. if he wasn't interested in it being more? Because he's a guy. Because you fulfill a need for him. Because he can get what he wants from you without any other complications.

....And here's the thing.... That's not actually wrong on his part given that you were a willing participant in that situation. You said yourself that you both said you were not in love, but were open to doing things like that from time to time anyway. So, it doesn't make him wrong that he is currently enjoying those "benefits."

HOWEVER... It also doesn't make you wrong if that is no longer enough for you. If you think you are falling for him, then all you can do is talk to him about it. Let him know your feelings have changed and you might want to consider actually being a couple. Maybe he will be interested, maybe he will not. Either way, you will honestly be much better off knowing than having to keep wondering.

I understand you maybe don't want to risk the friendship, but otherwise you are torturing yourself with doubt. How are you ever supposed to move on, whether that means ending your sort of relationship with him, or whether that means actually deciding you two want to take it more seriously?

Unfortunately, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you are getting to hung up on him, and it turns out he does not feel the same way, then breaking things off completely really is your best bet. If you have developed feelings for him, but he does not feel the same way, you will only be keeping yourself stuck in limbo if you try to remain "just friends" with him. Again, unless I misunderstand your story, he has not necessarily done anything wrong because you both agreed to this situation at first. So, it isn't as though you should treat him like he has done anything wrong. However, if you want more and he doesn't, then that is fine for him, but you will need to move on.

Believe me, I know you don't want to risk that you could lose him as a friend, but if you don't deal with this, how are you ever supposed to have a more meaningful relationship? Whether that is with him, or winds up being with somebody else, you will be holding yourself back from being able to find a real relationship, not just a fun little fling now and then.

Good luck to you.