Please Help Me Anybody!

**kieroline** · 26-09-05, 02:36 AM

Please help me somebody... I think that i might be bisexual because i feel strongly attracted to my best friend but some females aswell... the trouble is I love my best friend so much i really feel its true love... I know this sounds really wierd a guy talking about this and all but i need somebody to help me PLEASE :'(! When we first met we always used to say things like 'i love you' and hug and sleep with arms round each other etc. we were really close friends but i want to be more than that. My friend doenst know that i think im bi or that im attracted to him, also he has stopped showing emotions like he used to he tends not to hug me anymore or say anything of the kind, i go out of my way to make him feel as special as i can but he doesnt do it back in any way shape or form at all anymore, like i said i want to be more than just friends, please can somebody help im on the brink of insanity... I cant sleep at night becuase of this i just feel like crying please help im begging!

**shh!** · 26-09-05, 02:37 AM

How old are you?

**kieroline** · 26-09-05, 02:38 AM

16, and he is the same

**shh!** · 26-09-05, 02:39 AM

Have you ever had sex of any sort, with either a male or a female?

EDIT: Ah, well. Perhaps that doesn't matter so much. I can't give you tips on how to find out if he is interested other than the obvious, which is asking him. But what I want to tell you is that at the age of 16, there are so many hormones coursing through your body that it is pretty common to question sexual identity. It could be that you are simply so hormone-saturated, you would be attracted to a farm animal. (Does that make sense?) Sexuality is a continuum, and so I don't think it is really all that unusual to be attracted to someone of the same sex, but the question is whether or not you are so attracted, you would be willing to push it to the next level.

**whaywardj** · 26-09-05, 02:52 AM

Relax, Kieroline. Everything's fine. Just follow the clues and go where they lead with an open heart and a kind word. Even when they don't take you (or others) where you think you want things to be.

**Ellynn** · 26-09-05, 04:10 AM

Well.....I must say....if you were both sleeping with your arms around each other....chances are he felt the same way. But it probably freaked him out ......just like its kinda freaking you out right now.

Society is very cruel with telling people that if your not "normal" or "straight".......something is wrong with you. I honestly believe you have no control over how you feel.

My best friend(Sean).....who is a guy.....and I go way back. In fact....in high school he had gf's....etc. He is very cute etc........ Well anyways......when he was 15-16....he fell for this other guy(who I dated for a few weeks back when I was 16). They actually ended up having a secret relationship for 2 years...without anyone knowing. Anyways.....when we all got to be 18, their secret came out.

My friend (Sean) ended up coming out of the closet......but when he did to me....he was shaking. He was upset.....and was so afraid he would lose all of his friends. But we didn't abandon him.....and all was good. Now the guy he was seeing(an ex of mine) was very upset when the secret got out about him (because he was dating girls as well at the time). He was suicidal....and very much in denial. It took him many years...but finally he came out of the closet as well. They are both OUT now. Which is awesome. They aren't together or anything but still friends.

I find that it was easier for them after leaving high school then to deal with it all in high school. Its a popularity contest there and people are cruel.

I say maybe in time your friend will see how he truly feels but just isn't ready to pursue his feelings. You may be more ready right now....and thats cool. Just be careful. And please follow your heart......no matter what. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Be proud.

**kieroline** · 27-09-05, 07:06 AM

I really dont know if he feels the same way and i know that if i went out and asked him about it that everything would be ruined, he would never speak to or want to be near me again, and we arnt in highschool anymore we both go to the same college in the same classes, Its just so difficult to explain... Its really getting me down i feel like im about to do something stupid, just to end all this confusion, depression and pain... :-(!

**Ellynn** · 27-09-05, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by kieroline

16, and he is the same

ANd you aren't in high school but in college????? Are you like Dougy Howser?

**mini696** · 27-09-05, 08:18 AM

All I can say is I have friends who came out of the closet after high school. They were taunted and picked on during school because everyone 'thought' they were gay. But when there wasnt the peer pressure or a 'social standard' to live up to they were able to be open and honest with their friends.

**Bluevetteracer** · 27-09-05, 03:08 PM

Unless you are freezing to death, in the arctic and fighting for survival, what are you doing spooning with another man????????????????

Men show affection for each other verbally, and by being there when the other is in bind, not by spooning.

Homosexuality is wrong in so many ways, that it is not even worth dissecting it.

Don't go down that road, stay on the STRAIGHT and narrow.

**Ellynn** · 27-09-05, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

Unless you are freezing to death, in the arctic and fighting for survival, what are you doing spooning with another man????????????????

Men show affection for each other verbally, and by being there when the other is in bind, not by spooning.

Homosexuality is wrong in so many ways, that it is not even worth dissecting it.

Don't go down that road, stay on the STRAIGHT and narrow.

I agree.....but what if he can't help these feelings? What if a girl just doesn't "do it" for him? I mean it happens and yeah many people might view it as wrong.....but I still say to be true to yourself and do what makes you happy. Why live a lie to please everyone else?

**Bluevetteracer** · 27-09-05, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by Ellynn

I agree.....but what if he can't help these feelings? What if a girl just doesn't "do it" for him? I mean it happens and yeah many people might view it as wrong.....but I still say to be true to yourself and do what makes you happy. Why live a lie to please everyone else?

Well, moral ambiguity and Christianity aside, it is not even evolutionally rational. It is a dead end. If a sect of man, I mean man as humans, were gay, they would extinct themselves and thus end their existence, and no other gays would be left to survive.

SO, either argument holds no water. We have a set of values, society expects something of us. We do not rape women, steel, kill or other impulse feelings that just come to mind.

Incorporate some discipline in your life. Everyone has a choice.

This kid obviously is confusing love, sex and whatever emotion he may have into a messy flux.

**Ellynn** · 27-09-05, 03:33 PM

I see your point....and if he is bi then he does have a choice..... But if he is gay....then honestly what choice does he have other then to conform to what society thinks is acceptable. What kind of life is that?.....pretending to be someone you aren't. Faking everything just to make people like you and to be acceptable in society? Its a life filled with sadness and suicidal thoughts....(I know because I knew a few people who were afraid to be themselves and admit they were gay.)

Society has sooo many people that if a certain percentage is gay.....we still will NOT be extinct. I mean we are already overpopulated as it is. Anyways....I still say that a person should do what they want to do. Its not all about just sex, but its also about feelings. When you like someone....usually you cannot control it. It just happens.

**Bluevetteracer** · 27-09-05, 03:46 PM

I think we are on opposite ends of the same coin here.

My point was that if being "gay" was a natural tendency in some, then that sector would have extinct themselves.

Being Gay is a learned behavior. So it can be unlearned.

I not unsympathetic for those torn with identity problems.

**shootyourstars** · 27-09-05, 04:22 PM

Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

Well, moral ambiguity and Christianity aside, it is not even evolutionally rational. It is a dead end. If a sect of man, I mean man as humans, were gay, they would extinct themselves and thus end their existence, and no other gays would be left to survive.

SO, either argument holds no water. We have a set of values, society expects something of us. We do not rape women, steel, kill or other impulse feelings that just come to mind.

Incorporate some discipline in your life. Everyone has a choice.

This kid obviously is confusing love, sex and whatever emotion he may have into a messy flux.

By your logic, it is also irrational for a woman to never have children. But you don't hear anyone saying anything about that, do you?

Gays aren't going to drive themselves to extinction. Gay children come from straight families, and gay people have raised straight children. And considering overpopulation is a growing problem on the earth, one could even argue that homosexuality and not having children IS environmentally rational. I'm not doing that, but it is following the same logic.

The idea that someone chooses to be gay is ridiculous. I highly doubt anyone would voluntarily decide to belong to a group that constantly faces prejudice, hatred, scorn, and all kinds of other fun things on a daily basis. That's why you have closet gays in the first place - because they CAN'T help it, and they would rather pretend to be something they're not than put up with the pain of social rejection.

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