He cheated most of our 2 years of dating

[Noelle28]

I just recently found out that my bf of almost 2 years has been cheating on me since sept of last year. We had the most amazing relationship but now I feel it was all based on a lie. He would take me out all the time, buy things for me, cared for my daughter like no one has before. We were talking about marriage. And he wanted me to have his kids pretty soon. We were planning on moving by February. Even looked at a few townhomes already. The other night I was out with friends when I received a call from a girl who said that she was calling to see if we' were still in a relationship because he had told here that we were but wasn't anymore. He was actually in her bed sleeping at the moment. I even had her send me pictures. I remember seeing this girl calling over and over. And he claimed he didn't answer ppl he didn't know phone numbers. (Her number wasn't saved). She claimed they were in a relationship. He claimed they weren't. They had been having sex since last September. She claims he was over there almost every day even though he spent almost everyday with me. A few months ago I started accusing him of cheating. I had no real suspicion just a bad feeling. He swore up and down to me he wasn't and could never do that to me. Now I find out he's been doing it for most of the 2 years we've been together. We've broken up. I told him I need a break and that we won't be back together ever. Not after a heart break like that. The thing that upsets me is how good of a liar he is and the fact that after all this time I never had any suspicion. Deep in my heart I do wanna get back with him because I honestly felt he was the one for me. And I still do. He was the only man I've introduced my family to, my child, and especially my friends. I just don't know what to do here. Has anyone been in a situation similar to mine? What would you honestly do? My phone is on do not disturb mode and he has been leaving me so many messages and I think is really hurt. I just don't believe it though. And he still can't even give me a true reason why this has happened besides "he was stupid" smh

[breathe123]

No, now you KNOW it was all a lie ~ proof is there & you know it it's not just a feeling.

OMFG on the " he was in her bed sleeping" OMFG He';s in her bed, she showed you pics ~ She proved it & proved his lies.

2 years of lies ~ he's disgusting, sorry for that for you. He's a pathological liar & a maybe a sociopath ~ who knows. Thank the stars you didn't marry him.

STAY STRONG!!!!!!!!! don't go back ~ he's poison for you. You know it now.

[Wakeup]

I think you'd be the "stupid" one if you even consider going back with him. You don't want a cheating liar getting more involved in your daughter's life only to have you and him arguing and fighting in front of her because you can't forgive and forget that he's had his penis in some other girl and lied to you for over a bloody year. How could you ever trust him again.

Take your heart out of the equation and start using your logical brain.

... and stop playing this "ignore game" with him. Take his call and clearly and without doubt make it clear to him that the relationship is over and to please stop blowing up your phone. Make it over by closing the door for good.

[lightstar]

A friend recently found out her bf of 5 years was cheating. She was hurt and angry and she did think about giving him another chance. She asked me what would I do? I told her I personally would not give him another chance but as her friend its my job to be supportive-not tell her how to live her life. It is ultimately up to her but asked her "do you want to be in a relationship that causes anxiety and mis-trust? Do you want to look through his phone and check up on him out of fear? Can you be happy when there is little or no trust? Can you forgive his betrayal? Can you one day trust him again?

She did stay strong and told herself that she is never going back. I think you just need to accept its over, tell yourself it is and tell him it is. That is when you start to heal and move forward with your life

I think if you do give him another chance it will happen again. He has been leading a double life and lying to your face without even blinking.

[melancholia]

He swore up and down to me he wasn't and could never do that to me. Now I find out he's been doing it for most of the 2 years we've been together. We've broken up. I told him I need a break and that we won't be back together ever. Not after a heart break like that.

This is key. Keep repeating this to yourself over and over again; especially the underlined section.

The thing that upsets me is how good of a liar he is and the fact that after all this time I never had any suspicion.

Ah, but you did have suspicions. You said it here:

A few months ago I started accusing him of cheating. I had no real suspicion just a bad feeling.

You ignored your gut instinct, and that is what hurts the most. Yes, his lies do hurt, but it's not your fault he lied to you. He chose to lie, to protect himself from whatever the truth was, until it exploded in his face. You are upset because you were duped, by someone who claimed to love, respect, and honor you. He destroyed the life you built together, the relationship you had, and your trust in him. He doesn't deserve your love. He doesn't deserve to get you back in his life, because he decided that banging some other chick was more important than working on your current relationship.

He was being selfish and acting out of his own insecurities, and didn't care about you enough in any of the moments while he was with another woman. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness - but you do. You can forgive him for what he did, because to forgive him does not mean that what he did was okay; it allows you to release yourself from the pain of what he did to you. Forgiveness is so much more about you than it is about the other person. You don't even have to tell him you forgive him, but try to find the strength within you to release the pain and anguish and forgive him, so that you can move forward and work on loving yourself more.

Deep in my heart I do wanna get back with him because I honestly felt he was the one for me. And I still do. He was the only man I've introduced my family to, my child, and especially my friends. I just don't know what to do here. Has anyone been in a situation similar to mine? What would you honestly do? My phone is on do not disturb mode and he has been leaving me so many messages and I think is really hurt. I just don't believe it though. And he still can't even give me a true reason why this has happened besides "he was stupid" smh

A lot of relationships can, have, and will survive infidelity; however it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of exhausting effort from both people in the relationship to look deep down within themselves and address the underlying issues they have. Cheating is a symptom of larger, more pressing issues within a relationship, and unless you are both incredibly honest, and you both take a good hard look at the problems you have, you won't be able to fix it.

I do not suggest you get back together with your ex. You truly deserve so much better than to stay stuck in a sh*tty relationship with someone who cheats on you. It takes an impressively gracious person to be willing to take someone back who has cheated on them for over half of their entire relationship. If you do consider getting back together, I suggest (at the very least) you insist on couples counselling as a condition of your reconciliation. You have to see whether or not both of you are committed to fixing your relationship, or else you'll be back in the same position down the road.

I really believe you should turn your back on him and run. You deserve better. There are so many men out there who are wonderful, and who respect women, love them, and value them. There are lots of men who know what they want and are ready to be in a relationship with someone. Be with someone who feels privileged to be with you, do not settle for anything less than that. You deserve that, and so does your child.

Big love to you, dear one;

- Melancholia

[nheeya]

That's a very hard situation. But i just hope you will not keep the relationship just because of the fact that he is already close to your family and friends, because at the end of the day you will be the one to suffer from not having peace of mind. I don't think you can still trust him this time. If he is cheating you, the he is NOT the one for you. Stop fooling yourself. You will recover one day. I know it's not easy, moving on isn't easy but trust me you can do it. Your family will support and understand you. They don't want to see you hurt and not secure. Don't worry you will be okay in time. Ill pray for you.