Me with my GF of 3 years, Feeling incompatible and losing feelings for her. Help??

[confusedbugger]

My GF (23) and I (24) have been dating for 3 years and for the first few years it was a fairly decent relationship, spent plenty of time together going out on dates, exploring new places, and getting to know each other. She's the first person I've dated and I loved her very much although we share very little common interests. We used to to be quite sweet to each other initially, giving each other cards and gifts regularly to show appreciation for each other but in the last year, I feel that both of us have grown lazy in the relationship and are putting less effort in. It's also helpful to note that we're both overseas students studying in the same degree so we have spent a lot more time together than most couples

Now, this year, due to study requirements, we are living together in the same house with another 2 mutual friends (both female) ( All of us used to stay seperately). Now, I'll be honest and say that I've had some feelings and physical attraction towards one of those friends (lets call her Shelly) in the past and I feel that we've had some chemistry but I act on those feelings as I was happily committed my current relationship.
So as you can imagine, living together with the GF and seeing her constantly with very little to do(we've moved to a small country town), has meant that we've had less opportunity to go out and explore new things and areas. In addition, the increased contact with the GF has resulted in more of her ugly sides to come out, mainly that she's very petty and gets upset over little things. I've also come to realise that I find our conversations terribly boring because we have very different personalities and she prefers the day to day topics like gossip and k-dramas but I'd rather have discussions about politics and world events and things with a bit more substance and i sometimes feel that my GF is a wonderful woman but she can sometimes come across as being air headed.

Enter Shelly, she's beautiful, intelligent, plays musical instuments (a quality i really admire) and of course single and living with me. Naturally, given the proximity of being housemates, we've gotten to know each other a little more over the year and I can definitely feel myself falling for this girl. I'm not sure if she's into me or if she's just being a nice person but she doesn't tend to share much but is always happy to join in a conversation about politics etc, go out for a game of badminton or explore somewhere new. I've been talking to her a lot more recently over text and there are times she seems like she's interested but there are other times where she doesn't so I'm not sure if she's that way because she knows i'm in a relationship and doesnt want to overstep her boundaries.

So to get to the point really, I'm not 100% about my current relationship with the GF and i'm not sure if I should end the relationship. I'm very aware that the other girl is having a huge impact on my life in terms of what I'm feeling for her and the diminished feelings for my GF. Part of me wants to continue to try to make things work with my GF at the moment but I have felt less and less attracted (both physically and emotionally) to my GF and its been a source of real concern. I just don't really want to go through life thinking 'What if i had just tried to date Shelly instead of sticking it out to try to work it out with my GF" Looking for some advice about the whole situation and what is the best thing to do :/


TLDR*; Not sure about 3 yr relationship with GF, losing feelings and patience for her because of petty behaviour and incompatible conversations/interests. Wondering if should end the relationship and if my thought process is totally out of whack due to other girl i'm falling for.

[breathe123]

If someone else has taken her place in your heart & thoughts then yes, break up.

Not doing yourself or the GF any good having Shelly on the brain. Better to break now, before any kind of cheating might occur.

[Wakeup]

I think you would do better to leave the living situation and find yourself something on your own. Then, after completely having Shelly out of your radar, if you still feel this "incompatibility" towards your gf after having cleansed your "crush" on Shelly from your system, then break up with your gf.

Shelly has Not taken a place in your heart and thoughts...you've just scootched your girlfriend over to make room for Shelly.

If you're going to leave your girlfriend because you don't feel that she's the one you want for a lifetime that's fine... shit happens. Just don't leave her for some other piece of fluff that you are infatuated with.

[confusedbugger]

I think you would do better to leave the living situation and find yourself something on your own. Then, after completely having Shelly out of your radar, if you still feel this "incompatibility" towards your gf after having cleansed your "crush" on Shelly from your system, then break up with your gf.

Shelly has Not taken a place in your heart and thoughts...you've just scootched your girlfriend over to make room for Shelly.

If you're going to leave your girlfriend because you don't feel that she's the one you want for a lifetime that's fine... shit happens. Just don't leave her for some other piece of fluff that you are infatuated with.

Interestingly enough, I have actually moved out and away from the both of them recently and did decide with the GF that we were going to take a break because I needed to figure things out. I don't know if my feelings for shelly have lessened in any way since then and I'm just scared that this infatuation may take a while to disappear.

Naturally this would only be unfair to my current GF to leave her hanging while I try to sort out my feelings. Which us why I'm in the situation I'm in now I guess.

[Wakeup]

Well, I would not have recommended that you go on a break with your girlfriend.. You can't fix things when you're not even working on them.

Have you been in touch with Shelly since you went on this break with the g/f?

[lightstar]

Bad move man. You should just break up fully now. When you take a break from someone you are taking away a little bit of their trust and security in you. You are leaving her hanging wondering what the heck to do for gawd knows how long while you get your act together. It is cruel and unfair.

And if you get back together, a part of her will feel insecure and scared you will leave again so a part of the relationship will be broken and lost.

What you are currently doing causes a lot of pain. It would be best to just end it and not leave her waiting in false hope.

After all you are lusting/pining after another and you are not going to get her out of your system any time soon. She is a daydream. You only see what you want to see in her because its not "real" and until you recognize how flawed your mental affair in your own head is, you wont be happy

It is easy to think or believe the grass is greener. I think your gf deserves better than how low down on the shelf you have placed her in your mind by putting a fantasy on a pedastal

[confusedbugger]

Well, I would not have recommended that you go on a break with your girlfriend.. You can't fix things when you're not even working on them.

Have you been in touch with Shelly since you went on this break with the g/f?

Well i guess it was a product of a large argument we had while we were on a supposed getaway trip together. The flights and accommodation were all firm so we were stuck with each other for a week. Needless to say it didn't go that well so we decided we both needed some time apart to think about things and decided on a week as the duration. I've had a conversation or 2 with shelly over the last week, nothing flirtatious or over the top. Admittedly, this definitely isnt helping the situation though and i realise that now.

[megvoh]

So a confusedbugger no more then?

[nheeya]

Yeah you are right, Shelly's presence is shaking your mind right now. And you are being unfair to your current gf right now because all you can see are the differences. When you both able to work it out for 3 years being okay. Give it a thought. I don't want you to regret this. Good luck.