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Article: Initiation.

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    Nov 2015

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    3 Comments by emotionaid Published on 30-11-15 02:52 AM
    So recently I was talking to a couple about some problems they had.

    One person said, I do everything, I hold her hands, I give her hugs, I go everywhere with her.
    The other said he doesn't make me feel loved.

    So, I have come across this many times and even in some posts here on this forum.
    In theory, it sounds like nothing is wrong, because he does everything, yet the other person doesn't feel the same.

    After a little chat, she pointed out that he only does those things if she initiated. Nothing happened if she didn't.

    I'm going to point this out, because I feel it's important for others to understand that it is VERY crucial that
    initiation is balanced in a relationship.

    People do things for others without being asked to out of the kindness of their hearts. Similarly in a relationship if you can't do something
    out of the love that you have for the other person without being asked to do so, it's a problem.

    There is a difference in the weight of the action and can change drastically. For example, your friend surprises you with something they saw
    and remembered you saying that you were always wanting to buy one. Now this shows that your friend thought about you, they listened
    and they think you're important enough to be willing to invest their time and effort in getting you that gift. Alternatively, if you had asked your
    friend to buy you that thing and they did. That's just a favor. The weight of the action changes with the addition of initiation.

    This applies to most things in relationships. If your partner likes to do a certain activity together and has mentioned it before, every now and then,
    initiate the idea of expecting to do this activity together. Show that you remember, show that you too look forward to it. Don't just wait for the other person
    to bring it up and ask if you're up for it over and over again.

    If you can initiate with your friends, there is absolutely no reason why you can't with someone you love.
    Love is difficult, but we can make it easier to tackle by supporting each other.


  2. Total Comments 3


  3. #2
    I had an ex who only said I Love You too, & would have been nice if I had got an I Love You for a change. It actually mattered.

  4. #3
    That is unfortunate and I hope you have found or will find someone that that says I love you as well because that's when you know they do.

  5. #4
    Being with someone whom you feel safe enough with to be vulnerable, emotional, and talk about things like love, means telling the person you are with what your needs and expectations are. Some people find it easier to show love through actions, while others prefer verbal validation. If you need to hear the words, "I love you" to validate your partner's loving actions, you need to let them know this.

    Part of navigating a healthy relationship is realizing that people can love each other in different ways and just because someone doesn't show love the same way you do, it doesn't mean they love you any less. Being with someone who understands the way you communicate is imperative for a successful relationship, but it is also worth it to note that sometimes our differences in perspective can be our greatest qualities.

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