she's not attracted to me but wants to date

[Alopolo]

I (27) recently met a girl (22) and I was very honest with her. I set a date and she accepted. the catch is she claims shes not attracted to me (she says she cant get attracted to me instantly). I offered to cancel the date if she doesn't find me so, but she insisted that we should do the date. anyway she has been texting me non stop since and always telling me stuff about her day. also i have flirted with her quite a lot over text which i recently stopped just to save some for the face to face dateً. I don't want to be just friends with her. I'm also confused that she doesn't like me but wants to go on the date. she claims she only had 1 boyfriend and never really went on a date. also a note we only met last week and met only twice once for a friendly dinner and another time briefly.

should i continue the response to her texting? i dont want to be friends or her male girlfriend. are we wasting eachothers time? did i come accross too strong by asking her out as soon as we only met eachother once? she says i seem to tell her whats on my mind too easily.

thanks

[emotionaid]

Sometimes it does take a bit of time for people to get to know you. Relationships aren't all about the initial attractions because that would be based solely on image and impressions. She may be wanting to play it safe because of possibly being hurt previously.
You have already made intentions clear about where you are going. Just keep communicating because she is seeking a confirmation that you are the right person.

[Alopolo]

Sometimes it does take a bit of time for people to get to know you. Relationships aren't all about the initial attractions because that would be based solely on image and impressions. She may be wanting to play it safe because of possibly being hurt previously.
You have already made intentions clear about where you are going. Just keep communicating because she is seeking a confirmation that you are the right person.

yes i thought of that too but she never really makes any effort for any sort of romantic topics of conversations. its mostly about her day and what she is up to.

usually when i feel the communication is so one sided i take it as a sign of disinterest and walk away.

[emotionaid]

Yes it can be quite deterrent when it's one sided but at the end of the day she's telling you a lot about herself and sharing her day with you in a way. It's ok to not rush things. Give it a little more time and see how it goes. At the same time keep your options open meet other people and make sure you make it clear that you are doing so.

[Wakeup]

She's trying to get to know you over text which a crappy way to get to know one another. I think you should go on the date and if you have fun, then ask her out again within a short period of time, a couple of days later at most so that she gets to know YOU in person rather then through the superficial route she appears to want to travel down.

If you don't have fun... well then... that's that.

[Alopolo]

She's trying to get to know you over text which a crappy way to get to know one another. I think you should go on the date and if you have fun, then ask her out again within a short period of time, a couple of days later at most so that she gets to know YOU in person rather then through the superficial route she appears to want to travel down.

If you don't have fun... well then... that's that.

so we went on couple dates. only one went well. the other two she got pissed off cause she said i was too pushy. i only asked her for feedback because i was scared of being led on. she said she doesnt know me long enough still to tell me whether she likes me or not. im not sure what to do at this stage. back odd or cut contact or be nice and try to forget the bad date?

also for some reason i feel too shy to break the touch barrier with this girl. never really happened to me before, but i did hug and hold her few times and she did not protest. wondering if i should continue, but i feel scared by her recent anger at me.

[Wakeup]

Personally, I think you can do better then to continue on with someone that has already told you she's not attracted to you and then has a temper tantrum when you wonder if she's still not feeling you.

You're also too timid to even make a romantic advance because she's got your confidence so low. I say next her and set your sights on someone who is more into you from the get go.

[basilandthyme]

so we went on couple dates. only one went well. the other two she got pissed off cause she said i was too pushy. i only asked her for feedback because i was scared of being led on. she said she doesnt know me long enough still to tell me whether she likes me or not. im not sure what to do at this stage. back odd or cut contact or be nice and try to forget the bad date?

also for some reason i feel too shy to break the touch barrier with this girl. never really happened to me before, but i did hug and hold her few times and she did not protest. wondering if i should continue, but i feel scared by her recent anger at me.

She's not leading you on. So it doesn't make sense that you're scared of this with her. If she were leading you on, she'd be saying all kinds of things to make you think there's a future. And given that she's not leading you on, I can understand her getting cranky when you are worrying about it.

Does she ever contact you first? I'd be looking at how keen she is to see you and gauge things from that.

All that being said, if you want a girlfriend who is attracted to you from the outset, then she's not right for you. And this is OK.

[pro100pk2]

also for some reason i feel too shy to break the touch barrier with this girl.

[fearoflove]

Ok, so if you are an ugly mofo, don't expect her (or any women) to be physically attracted to you from the get go. Be grateful that she isn't all about physical attraction. Maybe she prefer someone that she has an intellectual and emotional connection with rather than a strong physical attraction. You need to chill and not worry so much about being in the friendzone. The strongest relationships starts from a friendship.

[TheEvilJester]

Not being close enough to the situation, I can't say for sure.... but I do lean towards agreeing with Wakeup. Unless you asked way too much, or in some other way were really overdoing it with asking her to share how she was feeling, then I don't see how her reaction was mature or warranted. It would be one thing if you kept asking over and over, but I didn't necessarily get that impression. So, unless I misinterpret, she sounds kind of immature and hot-tempered.

As others have pointed out, sometimes attraction isn't instant..... but what kind of jack@$$ just voluntarily says to somebody "Oh, I don't find you attractive, but what the Hell? I'll give you a shot." That's the sort of thing you keep in the back of your mind. Jeez, she might as well have said "Well, I find you repulsive, but I'm open to seeing if maybe I can tolerate you slightly more once I know you better."

To be honest, I think that would have been a red flag to me right off the bat.... but I couldn't blame you if you wanted to still possibly give it a chance anyway. Now, though, you've already had a few pretty bad dates in which she has lost her temper at you, and seemingly with little provocation. Is that really somebody you want to pursue any further? In my personal opinion, this seems like a good time to cut your losses, break up with her, and find somebody who will actually give you a fair chance. Sounds like she never gave you a legit chance right from the start.

[Gigabitch]

You're not really dating her. You're paying for her dinner in exchange for the privilege of sitting by her. Yes, that sounds like dating, but in this case you haven't been given any reason to hope for more, so why are you still buying her dinner?

There are plenty of other girls to date. Don't call this one again.

[benfletcher82]

If she isn't attracted to you, then don't pursue it any further. Speaking from experience, those types of relationships never go well, but they can work out as an exception. I'd tell her to cut the bullshit and ask her what her feelings about you actually are. I personally wouldn't waste my time with someone like that, but it's up to you.

[TheEvilJester]

I agree. I mean, certainly attraction can grow once you get to know somebody better. However, if somebody is actively NOT attracted to you, that is unlikely to change. Why even bother to give her a chance. She may not find you attractive, but another gal will. You deserve to be with somebody who finds you attractive, not somebody who acts like they are lowering their standards to be with you.

[Alopolo]

ok i think theres a misunderstanding here.

firstly, im not pursing her, im only responding to her. as i said in my first post i felt that i should not go out with this girl because of her saying she doesnt find me attractive, however her insistence on a date was confusing and hence why i made this post. usually if i feel a woman doesnt like me then i move on because she doesnt deserve my attention.

secondly, let me give some background. she is the one that initiates contact and asks to hang out. the first time i met her was when she drove all the way to my house to borrow a tool which she later admitted she never used. she got my number through a friend of mine and she saw me at a party but we never communicated. it was after that night that i said "hey it was nice meeting you last night, i really liked you let me know if you wanna grab a drink some time". that was it and long behold she was blowing up my phone and said that she doesnt find me attractive but wants to date thing. now at the same time i was going on few dates with another girl i met but i did not like her, so i decided to give this chick a shot.

anyway yesterday she messages me and said she wants to give 'us' another shot which i agreed to. the date went nicely and we enjoyed dinner and did some activites like go karting (she paid for herself) and going for a walk on the boardwalk. however when i was dropping her home she gave me the cheek when i went for the kiss (after she hugged me). this instantly told me its time to move on. however she started blowing up my phone that night for another date and i told her that i see no point in another date if she does not find me appealing enough for a simple kiss after 3 dates. she admitted she has not grown fond of me but i think she just doesnt want to lose me, and she tells me she doesnt want to be friends! wtf!? she also added that im the best date she ever had....and she doesnt wanna make a decision too soon.

Anyway i asked her to call me if she want to go on a serious date and if she changes her mind about me. im not interested in being friends or text buddies. to this she replied with a violent tone saying she will get out of my life then...i told her i did not want her ro think ill of me and its just that i cant be around her as a friend because i want her romantically.

also i never constantly asked her for feedback regarding her feelings for me, and i only asked once and never pursued the subject again due to her poor behaviour.

im moving on to date other women.

ps. i never heard of this relationship through friendship phenomenon. i have always managed to secure a kiss by second date latest. i also dont know anyone who was friends with a girl before they became romantically engaged. so im not sure how this friendship thing works? it also sounds too risky.