Why Would A Man Contact Their Ex In This Scenario?

[Maliel]

I'm going to try to make this as brief and informative as I can.

My on and off ex of two years M(28) and I F(26) broke up about three months ago, it was a really emotional breakup and we proceeded to not talk for three months. He had to make a decision about something in his life that I had expressed not being okay with any longer. It was a few days prior to his birthday, he called me and told me his decision, and I think it literally broke my heart in pieces. I ended up giving him the presents that I bought for him since I couldn't use or return them. We both cried so much. During the breakup he was upset that I didn't want to be friends after, I was so hurt/angry that I couldn't even imagine a friendship. We saw each other on the road a few times without talking at all after, which sucked.


After about two and a half months I texted him and basically asking him how he was and saying that I wanted to be friends, he never replied. I went through a pretty bad funk after I realized he didn't care enough to respond to my message. Being ignored never feels good, especially when it's someone that you cared so deeply for.

We aren't friends on Facebook but the other day my ex's friends and family wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. Later that day he randomly texts me Happy birthday and turkey day and that he hopes me and my family are well. I sent a happy text and replied saying basically the same and that's it, I figured it would look better if I seemed happy rather than sad. He never said anything after.


Why would a guy send a text like that after not talking and ignoring their ex-gf?

I feel like if you are going to try to be friends, people typically talk a little more after not talking, and if you're going to not talk to an ex, ignore an ex on the road and their attempts to reach out....you may as well come full circle and ignore them altogether.. right?


I'm just confused and it feels so weird to randomly speak to each other so formally, especially after I was ignored. What should I think from a guy's perspective?

[SuperHappyTime1]

Because he saw his family over the holiday and they thought you were a good couple. They may not know all the details of the breakup, so he may not want you back, but it sounds like they thought you were a halfway decent person.

[basilandthyme]

You made it very clear that you DID NOT want to be his friend. So, had he been all chatty, he would have been going against your request to have no friendship.

He's reached out the best he can given the limitations you've placed on him. If you want more from him, you will have to reset those limitations

[Maliel]

You made it very clear that you DID NOT want to be his friend. If you want more from him, you will have to reset those limitations

When I texted him a month prior asking how he was and saying that I'd like to be friends at some point, I thought that would have made it pretty obvious that I welcomed friendship. He didn't respond at all so I assumed he didn't want to be friends. Then he pops up randomly on my birthday/thanksgiving?

[Wakeup]

What difference does it make, really? He decided that he'd rather do the thing that you couldn't tolerate anymore then to continue to be your boyfriend. Why would you want to remain in his life in the demoted state of "just friend?" You were devastated that he wouldn't give up the "thing." How do you think you would feel when you're buddies and he starts telling you about his new lover?

You're better off with polite missives on Turkey day then to be "friends" with someone who devastated you. In fact, you're actually better off just defriending him and his relatives and starting the new year with a new slate and cleaned up facebook that only includes TRUE friends that you see often and talk to regularly.

Sorry you got hurt. Don't let him keep hurting you... close the door. luv.