Your advice please...to guy about overweight girl

[TSD]

There is a woman I flirt with time to time down the street, she is chunky (30 something, never married),......tonight we were talking and I blurted out , (it just slipped out) " you have a pretty face if you lost a few pounds, you would be really an attractive woman"
( immediately, I felt , oh no, I shouldn't of said that ...I know how sensitive overweight woman are)....we had been talking for sometime and she said, " I have to go in now".
Do you think that was a stupid thing to say and do you believe it offended her ?
And if I did, what can I say to re-connect with. I like this girl alot, only there is no sexual attraction because
of the weight issue. Still, I would like to take her out. _ Tom

[melancholia]

Do you think that was a stupid thing to say and do you believe it offended her ?

Yes, I do think it was stupid to make any comment about her weight. Why would you ever make a comment about anyone's weight? Of course you offended her, it was rude of you.

And if I did, what can I say to re-connect with.

I don't think you can. You blew it. Honestly, even IF you do like her (which I find odd since you have such a problem with her physical attributes), she will never forget what you said to her. It will always be in the back of her mind that you are not attracted to her personality enough to see past how she looks. She deserves better than that.

[lightstar]

I think if attraction is an issue then don't pursue her. You cannot make someone lose weight.

[basilandthyme]

I don't think there's any coming back from this one. Even if you apologise, you can't undo what you said.

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I think if attraction is an issue then don't pursue her. You cannot make someone lose weight.

Agreed. Not to mention that it's kind of unfair to pursue her if you have no intention of taking it further

[Wakeup]

Well, with any luck your unsolicited advice will prompt her to get down to a more healthy weight. I doubt she'll ever thank you though.

Next time you see her, just be your normal self and see how she responds to you.

Let us know if she snuffs you or acts like you didn't say such a thing.

[TSD]

I ran into her and told her a long joke about God and an impossible wish " a man who wanted the wisdom to always say the right thing to a woman" ...to make it short God does not want to tackle that.
Anyway , she is talking to me again, we take walks around the neighborhood, I think she likes to be escorted while she walks her dog...but I cannot get her to a commit to a date . ...I get stuff like , " I don't know you well enough"...."maybe after the holidays, I am busy with my sister."

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I am also getting the sense that she is a virgin. But this isn't easy to discern , but may explain her caution.....she maybe assuming that a man who takes you out , spends money, expects sex.

[Cerby]

Oh man...I was dating a heavier girl for some time this summer, and I just couldn't get by it. After 6 weeks I ended it, told her I just "wasn't feeling the connection", but in reality, I learned that she would never change her habits, no matter how fit I was and healthy I ate around her. You can't change someone, you just have to accept them for who they are.

Was it superficial? **** yes, but I don't regret it. Her personality was great, but with little physical attraction we were doomed. Don't even waste your time on a "pretty girl that could lose some weight", and just move on to someone who you find attractive right out of the gate.

[breathe123]

Just tell her you have ~ Foot in Mouth ~ disease and realized after you said it it came out wrong & are sorry to have offended her ~ that was never your attention & you'd love to take her out.

[poppypoppy]

why not just tell her that u feel the connection with her? and tell her that you would like to take her out?
u cannot change a girl but she would change for u if she likes u.
sounds like she is keeping a distance from u, do not wish to have much expectation from u (especially after u told her to lose some weight).

[smackie9]

Epic fail....there is no coming back from that.

Now she can go cry herself to sleep about it, or she can realize that you are right, and consider actually doing something about it. Seriously this isn't on you, it's just a reality check for her.