I am here because I Love and Care for You

[treehugger101]

You ever been with someone that you treated like crap and you guys fought all the time and yet they still stayed with you because they truly cared and loved you? They didn't care if you didn't have a education or didn't work or anything, they just wanted that care and support from you, and for you to love them? Or would you be tired of them treating you wrongly and never working or having an education and leave them?

[Wakeup]

...

[topazlight]

I wouldn't stay with someone who abused me or didn't care about me or if I had a fulfilled life and bettered myself. You are supposed to be one anothers' champions when in love, want the best for each other.

[TheEvilJester]

Here's the thing....

Love isn't about money. If somebody doesn't have an education, doesn't work, etc. that doesn't automatically mean they can't have a happy, healthy relationship. The thing is, that person's significant other would have to know that and be okay with it. The absolute worst thing somebody could do is to PRETEND they have the same goals and desires in life as somebody just to reveal later in the relationship that they never really did.

For example, if Person A doesn't really want to ever work, then he/she sure as heck shouldn't act as though they have ambitions to go to college, start a career, or even at the very least just have some kind of income. Just be honest right from the start. If that isn't okay with Person B, then Person A and Person B aren't a good match, and they'd be much happier finding somebody else. If they are both perfectly fine with that arrangement, then great.

So, money isn't the only thing that is important, but having the same goals as it relates to money IS important.

Now, on the other hand, nobody should ever treat their significant other "like crap" and if they do, the other party should never put up with that for long. That should absolutely be a deal breaker. What is the point of being with somebody if they only drag you down? In that case, either that negative person needs to wake up and get help, or the other party needs to end it and find somebody with whom they can actually be happy.

I, for one, was stuck in an unhappy relationship for far too long trying to make things work with a partner who never appreciated anything or put any effort into the relationship. I will never do that to myself again. I'd be so much happier even if I spent the rest of my life alone than I was stuck in that relationship.

[topazlight]

Nice post, The EvilJester.

Do you watch a lot of movies would you like to put your name in for the movie club I am trying to start in Movie section? Thought I'd ask you here while I got you on and I was online. If not, that is perfectly fine. Same for you treehugger, would you like to put your name in?

[treehugger101]

Nice post, The EvilJester.

Do you watch a lot of movies would you like to put your name in for the movie club I am trying to start in Movie section? Thought I'd ask you here while I got you on and I was online. If not, that is perfectly fine. Same for you treehugger, would you like to put your name in?

No thank you.

[Wakeup]

No thank you.

... of course not. It wouldn't be ALL about YOU.

[dontaskme]

You ever been with someone that you treated like crap and you guys fought all the time and yet they still stayed with you because they truly cared and loved you? They didn't care if you didn't have a education or didn't work or anything, they just wanted that care and support from you, and for you to love them? Or would you be tired of them treating you wrongly and never working or having an education and leave them?

If someone jobless and uneducated treated me like crap, I don't care how much love and support he has for me, he'll find himself on the street homeless and starving.

[TheEvilJester]

Nice post, The EvilJester.

Do you watch a lot of movies would you like to put your name in for the movie club I am trying to start in Movie section? Thought I'd ask you here while I got you on and I was online. If not, that is perfectly fine. Same for you treehugger, would you like to put your name in?

Thank you. And, as a matter of fact, I DO watch a lot of movies. I love movies. It is actually one of my favorite things to do. I tend to watch horror more than anything, and comedy second after that, but I can watch just about anything so long as it can keep my attention and entertain me.

Please do add my name to your movie club list. What exactly would that entail? How do we participate? I would love to join in on the fun.

If someone jobless and uneducated treated me like crap, I don't care how much love and support he has for me, he'll find himself on the street homeless and starving.

Oh yeah. Fully agreed. I mean, at that rate, just what in the heck is that person actually providing to you? What is the point of a relationship like that? They don't pull their own weight financially, so you are forced to care for them. They have no ambition to ever improve that situation, so it would likely last for the rest of your life if you stayed with them. They treat you like crap, so they don't even support you emotionally or mentally. You could try to argue "Oh, but he/she truly loves me because, blah blah blah...." but you don't treat the ones you love like crap if you really love them. Not that I am saying anybody is perfect. EVERYBODY is occasionally guilty of treating those they love poorly due to a bad mood or an argument or whatever. But, if somebody regularly treats you like crap, then they are somebody you don't need in your life.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should be looking at your relationship as "What do I get out of this?" I don't mean it to sound that way. All I mean is that we all "get something" out of a good relationship. Love and support. A partner who is there for us. A partner in life, etc. If somebody does nothing but drag you down, how is that in any way a relationship worth keeping?

[treehugger101]

I see what you mean. I just dislike how him and I keep getting into fights, we have like 1 day to hang out and then the rest of the week we fight. I want that to stop and for us to always have good days hanging out in person or not hanging out in person. But yet we always fight. Neither of us will break up because we care for each other a lot, and know we can work through these issues, but then again the same circle keeps repeating itself. I've suggested taking a break but he doesn't like doing that so we never do. He thinks we should go to couples counseling but doesn't that cost a lot of money and does it really work?

[TheEvilJester]

If you are constantly fighting, that is no way to have a happy relationship. You say the issues can be fixed. If that is true, that is great..... but you two have to actually work to fix them. When it comes down to it, a lot of little things can add up to be big. On the surface, the reasons you fight may seem like not that big a deal.... but if they are so plentiful that you two fight more often than not, then it isn't so much each little thing that is the problem, but the fact that there are so many.

Bottom line, SOMETHING has to change in order for you two to be happy. If you are not a good match, that something would be you two have to break up. If you two are a good match and your problems can be fixed and are worth fixing, then you have to do the work to fix that. You can care a lot for somebody but still not be right for each other.

Couples counseling certainly can help. Yes, it can also be expensive, though. It depends. I don't know much about it to know if you can get it inexpensively or free in certain circumstances (though, I'd sort of doubt it is available free). But it certainly CAN help if you can find a way to afford it.

Believe me, I understand you two really care about each other, and I understand it can be hard to let that go. The thing is, you can't keep saying "We fight all the time..... but the reasons we fight are minor and can be fixed...... but we're not going to do anything to fix them...... but we're not going to break up either..... but this and that....." I'm not meaning to be judgmental, I am just trying to illustrate the fact that SOMETHING needs to change to break this cycle. It's just up to you two to decide what that something is to be in order to resolve things it the ways that is best for you both. Otherwise, you'll just continue to go through this vicious cycle of being happy with each other for a while..... then fighting for a while.... then making up and being happy again.... then fighting again. Over and over again. How is that any way to live?

[topazlight]

That's okay, treehugger, if you change your mind you can join at any point in time. Thank you, TheEvilJester, come over to the thread in Movies. I will add your name today into that thread.