I am dating "The One" but I keep tripping over my own two feet...

[Braggs]

To give you a little background on my current dating situation, I know I have found "The One". We compliment each other so well and the literal energy you just feel between us is nothing like I have ever experienced before.

However, there are trust issues that stem from my past as well as listening problems from my end.

She knew of me as a player years ago when I hooked up with a friend of hers at her house. But to say I have done a complete 180 is an understatement, I don't party any more, I've become much more spiritual and the compassion I have for even total strangers now is very strong. I feel for the world in a way I never thought I would be able to. Being a promoter for an entertainment company specializing in Electronic Music events where girls wear close to nothing doesn't exactly help the trust situation... and I run the local community here which has led to me having hundreds of friends that I talk with from time to time... half of which are girls who I truly view as just friends.

But honestly, none of that stuff even matters. I would love to pursue this as my career path but if it's something I have to let go of for her, I will do it.

I have nothing to hide. But she has said in the past that she wants me to show her who I talk to, that she shouldn't have to look herself. I have no problem with this at all. She literally is my world and if that's what it'll take I will do it.

An issue that I have personally is when she voices a concern, I get defensive. In my head, I want her to know my side as soon as possible so we can squash whatever issue there is... but in reacting so quickly, I don't fully listen to what she has to say with the amount of compassion that I should have in those moments. I get this one-track mind when frustrated and I just ramble on without stopping to think or take a few deep breaths which tends to lead me getting louder and sometimes cutting her off.


Does anyone have any tips on how to be more mindful when you feel frustration coming on, how to stop it in its tracks? And how do I help her to trust me? Her comfort level in this is my top priority.

Also, most issues occur when we're apart which is literally 5% of the time... I think her mind wanders, she's wondering what I'm doing, who I'm talking to, why I stay up so late sometimes and it feels like my explanations aren't fully accepted... like I must be hiding something because that's just how guys are.

[fearoflove]

Learn to communicate in a better way and try to stay calm. When she wants to talk, let her finish completely and don't interrupt her. If she has trust issues, you can put effort to show that you are being transparent. Show her what she wants to see so she knows you have nothing to hide.

[basilandthyme]

Have you ever considered that you're getting defensive because you feel unfairly judged by her? No matter how compassionate you are or how open you are, it will not make her less needy or more trusting of you.

I know you think she's 'the one' but take a step back and realise that 'The One' doesn't treat you as you deserve. If you are as kind, honest and compassionate as you say you are, don't you think you deserve someone who can see that you are worthy of trust?

I can see you twisting yourself in knots and giving up a career to please this girl and her never being satisfied.

Tell me, what is SHE doing to address her trust issues? You can't fix this - only she can.