Need women advice about a broken relationship.

[TG87]

I am a recently divorced man with kids. I had been dating a woman who has kids of her own. This woman seemed to be perfect and she told me over the last few months that she was falling in love with me, that I was so perfect for her, amazing and someone she could see herself marrying one day, someone she never thought she could find. Out of the blue, she told me that the relationship was not going to work out because her kid did not like mine and she has to make decisions based on her family, not on her feelings. She said if we did not have kids it would have been perfect. I was completely blindsided and don't understand how you can throw away someone that you said was perfect because at this point her kid did not like mine. Does this make sense to you? Or do you think maybe she never really had those types of feelings for me? She cried when she ended it and seemed sad about it. I just don't understand how you can walk away from someone you love because her kids did not like mine. He liked me, isn't that more important? Thanks, I am just really broken up because I am tired of getting hurt.

Thanks

[basilandthyme]

Whether or not ending things because of the kids makes sense depend on the history.

If I was dating a man and my child did not like his child, I'd look at why the problem was happening. If the cause of the problem was due to the behaviour of his child, I would raise the issue with the guy in the hope that he could address it. If he didn't address it - or disagreed that his child was doing bad behaviour - I would end the relationship. Even more so if the child was disrespectful or talked back to me in my own home.

Thing is, my home is as much my child's sanctuary as it is mine. I would not issue return invitations to people who made my children uncomfortable in their own home.

In short, yes I think it's a good reason to end a relationship - but ONLY IF she's already tried raising the issue and couldn't get it solved. If she didn't try raising the problem of the kids, then I suspect the issue is actually something else and she's just using this as an excuse.

[TG87]

Thanks so much for the reply. No, she never brought any concerns forward until she ended it. I just don't understand why someone would tell you all these amazing things one day and end it literally the next. She is a very insecure woman, not sure if that matters and when she sees me she is sad and asks me if I hate her. I just would never have thrown away a special realtionship without even trying to figure out the whole kid issue. She says her son is going through a lot with his dad and she has to put him first. I just don't get how I can be so "amazing" yet so easy to throw away.

[basilandthyme]

Thanks so much for the reply. No, she never brought any concerns forward until she ended it. I just don't understand why someone would tell you all these amazing things one day and end it literally the next. She is a very insecure woman, not sure if that matters and when she sees me she is sad and asks me if I hate her. I just would never have thrown away a special realtionship without even trying to figure out the whole kid issue. She says her son is going through a lot with his dad and she has to put him first. I just don't get how I can be so "amazing" yet so easy to throw away.

With this more information, I think it's probably not about your kids at all. I know it's hard to understand why some people do the things they do - but truth be told, we often will never know why. And I bet even she doesn't know why she does the things she does. And yes, insecurity frequently does make people self sabotage - best to try and avoid dating insecure people.

If I was in your shoes and she asked me if hated her.... I'd probably simply say that I was disappointed in her and walk away. When it comes to responses, saying less can often have a greater impact.

[TG87]

So, I am not sure if this matters but when I say she never brought it up, I mean our kids only met once, then she brought it up and ended it.
I guess I am just hoping she meant those things she said but I guess it does not really matter

[smackie9]

I totally get if the kids were not happy with the situation, and did not get along with yours. The kids happiness come first......she's a true mom.