What's her game?

[blob123]

Please help!

I know a married woman friend who I knew either side of her marriage two years ago. We used to work together.

She's great, we proverbially 'get on'.
Since the wedding, she's more or less binned me... no social media communication except for what I'm going to say next.

Here's where it gets weird - she has been, for the past 20 months or so, texting me every 6-8 weeks about a job she has... a vacancy that she thinks would be good for me.

Now... some of these jobs are anecdotal... in the fact that they don't really exist but for her knowing a friend of a friend who 'might' have a vacancy in their department etc. She also tried to get me a job at her place of work a few months ago too.

However, this current role/job she's found (in her home town) has turned out to be legit! Its not advertised, not in the papers nor company website. She's also applying for a similar role in the same company too.. She's done some serious spadework for me here and I'm grateful but curious!

Is she REALLY BEING GENUINE?

We honestly don't meet (2x in 2 years), socialise, fb, phone but she does this for me every so often but regularly. She has been known to txt me about a job late at night... something that could easily be left for the morning I think.

Some have said I shouldn't get my knickers in a twist and that she's being purely innocent and looking out for me as a friend. That's great.... but then if its so innocent, why cant we chat/meet and talk more often? She's planning to work with me again for 8 hours a day yet doesn't want to communicate.

Friends meet, speak and interact. We used to... but not any more.

Folks tell me that after marriage... things do tend to drift apart as OP involved might not like their OH being involved with others. That's fine too.... but then why take chances like this?

She's been opening with this job gambit theme for ages now and I love it when we talk but curious as to where the conversation ends up. I've never told her I want a new job...

Someone shed some light here.

[Gigabitch]

I don't like it, especially the late night texts. I smell trouble. I think you should avoid getting entangled. If she were really friends with you she'd socialize as a couple with her husband and not have some secret thing going on under the radar.

[Wakeup]

I don't see anything "clandestine" in anything that she's doing.

If you're not looking for a job then tell her.

She's married and I'm wondering why you think anything she's doing has "betrayal" to her partner written on it. Are you hopeful?

[blob123]

I'm here just because I'm interested as to why someone doesn't do anything with me socially... and I really mean zilch, zero, kaput.. but is and has gone out of their way to do what she does.

I'd prefer to get as far away as possible from folks I don't socialise with... not the opposite and get a job where her goal is for her to join me.

I haven't made the first moves to contact her either side of these texts for yonks. Yes, I miss her to speak and laugh with... so why the shenanigans with jobs.. why not a 'hi... how are you... fancy meeting up for a coffee?' line.

I cant emphasise again... every 6-8 weeks... like clockwork... there's a text that has no pleasantries but just an opening gambit of 'hey... I've got a job you might like...'.

If its so innocent... we should be easy in each others company AND HER OH... which I'd be happy to do.

[blob123]

I don't see anything "clandestine" in anything that she's doing.

If you're not looking for a job then tell her.

She's married and I'm wondering why you think anything she's doing has "betrayal" to her partner written on it. Are you hopeful?

Look... all I'm trying to say is this is really new territory for me if this is perfectly normal and something I'm trying to get my head around. I've never had an experience in my life where someone is looking out for me but has no intentions of meeting.

Perhaps I've lived a sheltered life.

I'm not 'hopeful' of anything... I'm just curious.

I'll say it again... you don't speak to me, text me, write to me, facebook me, meet me with others, acknowledge my birthday... but you're willing to get me a job and have your MO of finding a job in the same place as your goal.

I find that astonishing.

[smackie9]

My guess is she likes to socialize with you but can't because of her husband scrutinizing her activity on social media so she is playing it cool. The fake jobs are a way of hers to keep in contact until a real one comes along. Her plan is, in order to socialize with you safely without ruffling her husband's feathers is to work together. I don't think this has any romantic intentions, just that she enjoys the compatibility/intellectual stimuli you both have.

[Wakeup]

Maybe she just knows you're a good, reliable worker? Is she a personnel head-hunter or something?

Did the two of you ever talk about how crappy it was to work where you worked together?

I still don't see anything clandestine in her emails about jobs that may interest you. I wonder if you think back, you'll see that there is a reason why she's shopping out jobs that may interest you?

[blob123]

Thanks for the advice. To keep you up to date.
I had a mail from her before xmas.
She told me... that she starts her new job in the same place where I'll be having an interview in a few days. I never knew she'd got a new job there.

She was talking about it but I guess she's got a new start for 2016.

Does that change things?

[Wakeup]

No... not so far anyway.

If she wants to do one-on-one date like things with you (should you get the job) then ask her to invite her husband along so that you can make a new friend of him as well.

Lol... you don't want to be crossing platonic friendship boundaries with a married woman now do you?

[blob123]

I went to the interview but already had it to not continue with it. She doesn't know this.
Look... I just came here to ask for advice as it's keeping me awake.

Its so easy to say... 'never contact her again' and I'm trying hard but then she makes these excuses (I'll call them excuses) to contact.

Again... I have never come across another human being who isn't really a 'friend' communication wise but seems to bend over backwards to want to spend some time with me in other situations.

Pre interview... her texts changed to practically begging me to get the job... that she enjoys us talking... that she'd take up jogging and walking to work with me if I got it... that when I see her... she'd have put a bit of weight on and she's desperate to go to the gym.
She flattered me by telling her SMT that I was the best ever person she'd seen for this role... crazy for someone who'd only been in the job for 5 days. Who does that?

Post interview I chatted with her face to face... (first time after 9 months/2nd time in two years) she wanted to hang out... was again persistent in asking me to stay another 2hrs so she could finish work and pick up her daughter from nursery and go for a walk. Bizarrely, I have picked up her daughter from school with her once before and that WAS STRANGE!

However, I already know I wont hear from her now... the opportunity of correspondence has gone.

You either want me around... or you don't... that's how I feel.

I don't egg this behaviour in-between and there's no 'hold' on each other either.

She cant be thinking that her actions are normal... it feels clandestine.

If its all so innocent... out of hours calls/txt would be no problem but there's been many, many times when she'd text me...'Can you talk'? and we'd call for hours. Yes, I have dragged her off the phone on many occasions.

Sure, she has my landline... but has NEVER called it. If this is so cool/innocent etc.., then I'd be happy to have her call.

If I'm being taken for a ride, then she's making a big deal about it and a bigger deal to keep it going.

Her effort as a part time HR recruitment agent is something I'm not paying her for and its slightly odd anyway. I HAVE NEVER TOLD HER I'M UNHAPPY IN MY CURRENT JOB!

I'd like to talk... or even mail her how this is affecting me but I'd really like to know WHY she does what she does. How do I write this stuff down without making a big deal about it?

[Wakeup]

I'd like to talk... or even mail her how this is affecting me

How IS SHE AFFECTING You?

Do you want to be in a relationship with her even though you know she's married? Too bad, she's married and you're a fool to get involved with her.

Do you want her to stop her bullshit? If that's the case then just stop talking to her ffs.

If she's just confusing you because you have designs on her, then again... stop responding to her attempts at contact.

She is married. Get off the merry go round she has you on and put your focus on single woman who aren't bugging the shit out of you with their actions.