advice about a girl i'm dating

[AnonymusG]

Hello

I'm dating a girl for over 6 months now (I already know her for years, but we just started dating), we've kissed an been intimate a couple of times now.
A couple of weeks ago I asked her about us, where we're at, if we are in a relationship or not.
I also mentioned I really like her.

The response I got was "I love you too, but I'm emotionally not ready for a relationship."
Now I'm wondering, is this just a way to tell me she doesn't want a relationship, not now, not in the future.
Or should I wait for her.

Greetings

(ps.: sorry for my bad english, it's not my native language)

[TheEvilJester]

First, your English was fine.

Now, as for your question, it really can be hard to tell without us being closer to the situation. Yes, it could be possible that it was her way of thinking she was letting you down easily.... However, she could just have been 100% honest. Are you two still dating, or has that stopped? If you are still dating, still kiss now and then, etc. then obviously she still wants to dedicate time to you and the relationship. Maybe she is just not yet ready to commit. If you've stopped dating, no longer kiss, something has changed, etc. then it could be a sign she is moving on.

Either way, really time will tell which is the case. Just don't let yourself get too invested if it seems like she is not getting invested herself. In the end, if she never seems to be able to commit to your relationship more fully, maybe that is time for you to move on to find somebody who can. Good luck to you.

[Gigabitch]

In my opinion she's playing the field. She's emotionally ready to be intimate with you but not be in a relationship? She's got you on the back burner.

[AnonymusG]

[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION]
Thanks for your insight on my situation.

To answer your question, yes we are still dating, still kiss etc.

I'm thinking about giving her some more time and seeing how it goes because I really do like her and I dont want to lose the chance to be with her..
You made a good point that I shouldn't get too invested if she doesn't.

I really hope I'm not wasting time with her, that would be a bummer and that could ruin the friendship we had before.

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[MENTION=7184]Gigabitch[/MENTION]
I really hope this is not the case, if it is I think I'll lose a good friend because of this.
I'm going to wait it out for a little while and I'll see how it goes, thanks for your opinion anyways :3

[TheEvilJester]

I would kind of lean towards agreeing with that as well. I do find it funny that she is willing to kiss and be intimate with you, yet somehow that does not equate to a relationship in her mind. Hey, even if she IS playing the field a bit, that is okay. There's nothing wrong with that. That is her right. She just shouldn't lead you on if that is not good enough for you right now. Honestly, I'm sure it probably isn't her intention to lead you on, but that doesn't change the fact that if you are ready for a serious relationship and she is not, then maybe that is just not good enough for you right now. Good luck to you, though. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out for the best.

[Wakeup]

When someone tells you that they are not ready to be in a relationship then chances are very, very low that they are ever going to be ready to be in one with YOU. Human nature would never let someone say that to the person that they want to be with... they just wouldn't take a chance on losing you if they actually cared.

It is what it is.

I suggest that you dial back your attentions to her, be busy (actually busy not just saying you're busy) and don't be so keen to be in her company when ever she wants you to be. Slowly wean yourself off of her and DO NOT stop exercising any female options that come your way.

Its more likely then not that she's not even being exclusive with you. Have you had the exclusive talk with her yet?

[melancholia]

While I think everyone's comments are valid here, I look at this slightly differently. I am someone who is a lot more cautious when it comes to committing myself to someone. After being through a serious, long term relationship that was unhealthy and codependent, I've really had to work on improving my own self worth before I can consider committing to another person again. I've been burned enough times since that relationship to hammer home that I am just not ready for a serious relationship again at the moment. I want to feel certain that the next person I commit to is the right person for me. I don't want to rush into things before I'm ready and feel like I made a mistake a week or a month down the line. I take relationships very seriously in that sense. Maybe she does, too.

I don't understand why so many people think that sex and a relationship go hand in hand. You can have sex with someone without a relationship, even if you care about them. Sex and a committed relationship are not synonymous.

OP, have you asked her what her reasoning is on why she isn't ready? Have you discussed any of this further than the initial conversation? I think you should ask her about it, and if you are OK to continue seeing each other without the label, at least you will have had the conversation so you can think about it with a clear perspective. The most important piece of relationship advice you will ever hear is to keep the lines of communication open at all times.

I am dating a great guy, who I've been friends with for many years. We started seeing each other in the summer and have continued at the pace we are comfortable with. We've talked about our feelings and what our mentality is and have mutually agreed on what our situation is. It doesn't matter what outsiders think of your relationship, it only matters what each of you think and want.

[benfletcher82]

I think if you have been dating a girl for 6+ months and have been intimate with her, then that's pretty much the length of most long-term relationships and what happens in one. If she's not emotionally ready, then that means she doesn't want to commit (just my experience!)..

[AnonymusG]

Hi Wakeup

To answer your question, yes I've had the exclusive talk with her. She told me she isn't seeing anyone else and I believe her.
I had another talk with her about the subject and she mentioned she's insecure about herself in relationships and that she wants to work on that aspect first before committing herself into a relationship with me.

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Hi melancholia

Like i stated in my answer to wakeup, the reasoning she's giving me is thats she's insecure about herself (in and outside a relationship) and she wants to work on that aspect first before going into a relationship.

The reason I started this thread was because my friends/family, they know I'm dating the girl in question and they keep on asking me to define what's going on between the girl and me.
I always had to answer that I don't know because I can't tell we're in a relationship nor can I tell them we're just friends we are something in between. Something I can't define myself actually.
And that made me doubt what's going on between her and me

I really like her and like I mentioned she said she loved me as well. So I really want it to work out between us but I don't want to be fooled.

[Melo11]

Keep going, be calm and patient

[TheEvilJester]

While I think everyone's comments are valid here, I look at this slightly differently. I am someone who is a lot more cautious when it comes to committing myself to someone. After being through a serious, long term relationship that was unhealthy and codependent, I've really had to work on improving my own self worth before I can consider committing to another person again. I've been burned enough times since that relationship to hammer home that I am just not ready for a serious relationship again at the moment. I want to feel certain that the next person I commit to is the right person for me. I don't want to rush into things before I'm ready and feel like I made a mistake a week or a month down the line. I take relationships very seriously in that sense. Maybe she does, too.

I myself lean towards thinking it is more likely that she is just not interested in a relationship with G and that is unlikely to change.... especially after 6+ months. However, I definitely do agree with melancholia here in that it is not necessarily 100% that this is the case. Melancholia gives a good example to illustrate how it is possible that she is being 100% honest. Maybe she truly does want to be with you, and not with anybody else right now, but she's just not 100% sure she is ready for a serious relationship with ANYBODY. Honestly, on you are close enough to the situation to be able to make that call. I know that can be difficult to tell, though. In the end, even if she is 100% being honest, it is certainly still understandable if that is just not enough for you.

If you do honestly feel that she is sincere and that there could be a future for you two once she is finally ready, then by all means have some patience and give her a chance. Just don't wait around too long. Some might argue 6+ months is already long enough that she should have some idea, but you have to decide what feels reasonable to you. In the end, I think it seems you have obviously put enough thought into this to show that you are not just making a rash decision. There would be no right or wrong. Whether you decide to stay with her and give her time, or whether you decide you just need more and need to end things, whatever you feel is right for you is what is right. Good luck to you. Either way, I hope it works out for you, whether that means finding somebody else or whether that means you and her wind up happy together.