I'm in love with two guys.

[anonymousksz08]

I am very conflicted right now. I honestly feel that I am in love with two different guys, and they both believe that I've stopped talking to the other. I've known one of them for a very long time, nearly half my life, but he currently lives very far away. By far, I mean he lives on another continent. The other guy is a lot newer in my life, but he's within driving distance and can show me the physical affection that I need. Both relationships are serious. They've both talked about wanting to have a future with me. *I'd like to stress really quickly that I'm not cheating on anyone. Only the one who lives close to me is considered a boyfriend. I don't want a long-distance relationship and don't consider that guy a boyfriend in anyway, just someone to talk to for the time being.* I don't know what to do. I need to be physical with someone, not just sexually but to be able to hold hands with. But I also have a very long history with the guy who lives far away, and one day he and I will have the opportunity to be next to each other again. I don't want to wait for that time to come though. I want to be loved now. I'm really not sure what to do....

[benfletcher82]

I think it's best to stop both because you're both hurting them by lying to them. I disagree with you saying that you're not cheating because you're still involved with him, maybe not as a boyfriend/girlfriend, but you are still involved with him and you're still keeping him a secret from the close distance boyfriend.

I think you should tell them both the truth. I'm sorry but if you want to be loved at the cost of lying to people, then that's selfish.

[emotionaid]

Hi,

I can't seem to make a decision, firstly, you're saying that you consider the on close to you in terms of distance a boyfriend, but the other just someone to talk to for the time being?
Lucky for you to have that choice, but from the perspective of both those guys, I think you're taking advantage of the situation way too much here.

The guy you have had a long history with, although not considered a boyfriend, but if you have known them for such a long time, he deserves to know the truth. If you see no future and cannot wait, let him know that. As for the guy you "consider" a boyfriend, cheating can mean many things dependent on the individual. Just because you're not being intimate with another person does no mean it's not cheating. Leaving your options open like that is dishonest to your boyfriend.

The best thing to do would be to let the long distance friend know that you are currently dating someone so that it's doesn't make him feel as though there may be a chance. That's false hope. If you know yourself that you need to physical intimacy and cannot do long distant then it's quite clear who's staying and who's going. But do not make them both believe that you've stopped talking to the other, that's lying, manipulative and selfish.

Apologies for being so straightforward, but that is my opinion. No offense was intended, and not to say that you are a bad person. Understand that what you do will affect others especially those who have stronger relations to you. Everyone has feelings and if you don't like to be hurt, try not to do it to others.

Good luck.

[Melo11]

Discuss it with all guys or just with one in another country.

[Wakeup]

*I'd like to stress really quickly that I'm not cheating on anyone. Only the one who lives close to me is considered a boyfriend. I don't want a long-distance relationship and don't consider that guy a boyfriend in anyway, just someone to talk to for the time being.*

Surely you're not that ignorant that you don't think you're cheating on the guy you consider a boyfriend. You are having an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR with the long distance guy and that is just as bad, if not worse (depending on your thought process) then a physical/sexual affair.

Google Emotional Affair and read up on what you are doing. You are cheating on your boyfriend by not including him on your thread as well. He has a right to know that your emotions are being shared with another man.

Your immature "poll" is no way to conduct your life. Gurl up and make a decision on your own based on your moral compass and not on your selfish agenda. Unless your boyfriend agrees to be in a polyamorous relationship with you and the long distance guy, YOU need to make a decision to give up one or the other. Expecting us to choose for you is ludicrous.

[lightstar]

It sounds like you are not really happy with either guy. The online guy is meeting your emotional needs while the other is there physically. Maybe you need to be alone for awhile and get your moral compass in check because right now what you are doing is wrong and unfair to both of them