Cannot get over manwhore

[Rain123]

Hello,

Will try to make long story short. Last year had neighbor that asked me out. We hung out and he asked me to be "friends with benefits". I was stupid and agreed. We had fun for a few months. I always laughed when I was with him. During that time I would see him with other women and problems would arise from that. I guess I started to have feelings and would get jealous. He would not come home most nights and there would be a pain in the bottom of my stomach. I would want to end it all and he would reel me back in with his so called charm. As time went on he texted me less and just texted me at 1:00 in the morning. He didn't make time time for me. He forgot my birthday. I realized what I was, a back up booty call. I was really just being used. Eventually over the summer I saw him with another women at a park when I was out jogging. I went up to him and the women and told him off calling him a "manwhore" and told him to "go to hell". I walked off then. We never spoke again.

Another part of he story is that I have been single for years. I don't believe in love. I am a victim of sexual assault. I don't date and I don't try to date people. I don't trust men and I am never friends with any males. This asshole just came into my life and exposed me to things I had never experienced like holding hands, cuddling, good morning texts, pillow talk, kiss goodbyes, hugging and etc. I shared personal information to him also. I trusted him and thought of him as a close friend.

Since I walked off that day I have been struggling. It has been months. I want to talk to him. I miss him. I am sad because he didn't ever try to reach out to me even though i know I didn't mean anything. i have done several things to get over him and restart. I see a therapist, made new friends, discovered new hobbies, and made of list of why he is an asshole. ....Nothing has worked entirely. I still miss him and I am sad. It is Christmas and I want so badly to see him. However, I know seeing him would not be healthy. Please someone just tell me something to help me move on entirely...and never look back.

[benfletcher82]

Hi,

Sorry about your bad experiences with people, they can be truly awful.

I will agree that it wasn't the best decision to take the guy up on his offer, but we all make bad decisions here and there. You had something with a guy that was close to being with a guy romantically but he saw it as something completely different and you said that you shared information with him that was personal to you. I'm sorry this guy hurt you, but maybe that wasn't his intention as he's the type of person to be casual with women.

Focus on yourself instead of this guy if you can. When remembering people even though they were awful to me, I try to remember the nice memories and look back on "at least I felt okay for a while" and then end it on that note. I don't try to even think about their name after that, just move on even when it hurts. Focus on the hobbies you've taken up and those new friends, talk to them if it helps you.

[Relationship T.]

What you need is to completely re-evaluate your emotional landscape. "Therapy" and "counseling" are, often, a complete waste of time. Every person has what they need to be happy, it just takes work to unlearn all of the crap that others forced upon us when we were too young to question it. With new knowledge and positive actions, you can break the barriers that are placed in front of you and be happy, no matter what. What you miss is the love that YOU gave to him.

Good Luck,
Relationship Teacher

[drleo]

he exposed you to things you have never experienced, good you still remember them, and its those things that keep you thinking about him even though he made it clear to you in the start that you will be friends with benefits and your agreed, he did not have any intention of committing to you, he just wanted to have fun with you that's all, so it will take you time to forget him since your not that into males and the fact is your deeply in love with this man, but your fighting it, you miss him so badly, that every time before you go to sleep you have to think about him, you have tried a lot of things to make this feeling go away but it cant
i can give you this man, i can make him love you, miss you as you miss him, i can make him be yours alone if that what you want
but forgetting him when you real love him, will take you along time, you may find your self if not forgetting him in your entire life

[melancholia]

Therapy and counselling are not a complete waste of time. With the right counselor, who is trained to handle your specific situation, you can use therapy as a way to awaken your abilities to work through the traumas of your past. I think if you have experienced traumatic events such as sexual assault, and a lack of ability to connect to males, then it could be beneficial for you to seek counselling so you can work through those problems in a healthy way. Some people think counseling keeps people weak, but it does the exact opposite. A counselor has the tools to guide you to a place where you can build your own self worth to improve your life the way you want to.

I think you should focus on yourself. Focus on your own needs and start giving gratitude for the positive aspects of your life. There is no way you actually miss this person. He treated you terribly. You miss the companionship and you miss the idea of someone being there for you, and wanting you. You miss the feelings you get when someone is interested in you, and how that person makes you feel when you felt good together. But you don't miss the manwhore. You felt that what you had with him was an opportunity for something different, an actual relationship with a man. But he disappointed you and turned out to be a douche bag. You deserve better than that, but you have to be the one to believe that you do.

[lightstar]

I think when you experience something as life changing as an assualt then it emotionally stunts you and you cannot grow as a person or in relationships until you deal with what happened and try to heal from it. That is also the reason you cannot heal and move on from this guy/jerk.. I think some counselling would really help you to learn to be happy again before you can trust others and move forward in life.

[drleo]

[Rain123]

Was I out of line when I ran up to him and called him a manwhore?

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Was I out of line when I ran up to him and called him manwhore?

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Was I out of line calling him a manwhore?

[basilandthyme]

Was I out of line when I ran up to him and called him a manwhore?

Given that you were just FWB, then yes, you were out of line. But don't let yourself lose sleep over it.

[Wakeup]

Was I out of line when I ran up to him and called him a manwhore?

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Was I out of line when I ran up to him and called him manwhore?

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Was I out of line calling him a manwhore?

Yes, yes and yes again. However: he is one so if anything, you weren't wrong and at least you warned the chick he happened to be with.

You fantasize about your sexual times together and you mistake lust for actual feelings of needing him. Get over yourself for goodness sakes. Tell your ego to SHUT UP when you start to think about him. Change the subject when you think of him to something that is more healthy for your head and heart.

You can NEVER trust a manwhore because once a manwhore, ALWAYS a manwhore. More likely then not, even if he married you.... he would continue to be a manwhore and he would join dating sites while married to you. So: View this realistically... you are better off without him.

Google "Limerence" and read the Wiki link to it. If you know what you're suffering from, you'll more likely to be able to over come it.

[geicoad]

Go hangout, don't b attached. Chicks love these kind of guys