My sex life is dead

[sweetiepopeye]

I've been with my bf for 6 years, I'm 33 he's 49. For the past 3 years we've been running a business together so we're with each other 24 hours a day. We're in the bakery trade so its very early mornings and long days. Anyway my problem is we've only had sex once this year. The one time we did have sex there was no kissing, no foreplay nothing. I told him I was still dry, he pushed me on my side and told me it'll be ok. I got absolutely nothing from it. When I asked if he could help me out he said he didn't want "stinky fingers" and went to sleep. It breaks my heart and its breaking me. He never compliments me or even tells me he loves me. It's always me saying it. If we go bed early he'd rather watch a film on his phone than cuddle me.
When I gently mention the problem he gets angry and accuses me of putting too much pressure on him. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I can hear you screaming "why are you with him" but I do love him but he can be so insensitive and emotionally cruel. Any advice is most grateful xx

[lightstar]

You can't fix the problem if hes not willing to try. Maybe discuss it over a cup of coffee calmly in the evening instead of bringing it up in bed? He may be more open to discussing it if you keep your emotions in check and just say matter of factly that the lack of sex in this relationship is a concern for you and you would like to know how he feels about it.

[benfletcher82]

Maybe try marriage counselling? It's completely reasonable for you to be upset, sexual compatibility including your sex drive can either make relationships or break them.

If he's not giving his effort into the relationship, then it's maybe best to talk about it and let it be known as an issue that's having a negative impact on the relationship altogether.

[Relationship T.]

I coach individuals/couples to consider an entirely new perspective on relationships. Men can have so much more sex and be so much happier in general, if they chose it. He is shortchanging himself with his mindset. He will benefit immensely with a shift in perception to romance. There is no benefit to emotional distance in a relationship, although men and women constantly let this evolve. He doesn't realize that he could naturally WANT to be romantic. The hardest part is bringing him to the conclusion that he could question his life and become much happier as a result. Your first task is to unconditionally accept the current circumstances, no matter how hard it is to do so. He may never choose to be happy, and this may lead you to end the relationship. You are feeling all bottled up inside. You have incredible stores of romantic, sexual, and emotional energy ready to burst. It hurts to not be able to give to one you love.

Good Luck,
Relationship Teacher