Does he like/love me? (LONG, but PLEASE help!!!! :'( )

[PrincessKiara]

Okay. Since I have been rambling a lot during my previous posts and have apparently bored all of you to death... I'll just try the bare facts, because this is eating me alive. I must know what's going on! Please, please, please help!

Beren (Him)

• Just turned 19
• Practically an orphan
• Very timid, easily frightened and physically weak
• Very sweet and caring person
• Has a nearly baffling sense of morality ("it wouldn't be correct for me to ask you what time you get off work")
• Kept bugging me for my phone number and asking me to go on dates with him after we met
• When we worked together, would follow me like a shadow and always want to help me with anything he could
• Would share his pain with me and sit talking to me for hours (and no, he wouldn't try to avoid my gaze)
• Was very eager to meet my family and always sang their praises
• Says I'm the best thing that ever happened to him
• Calls me "my girl", "my beautiful Tinúviel", "princess", etc.
• Once told me that whatever guy ended up with me would be very lucky
• Refuses to disagree with anything I say or do
• Keeps telling me how much he cares about me
• Up until two weeks ago, would message me every single day without fail
• Several times he told me he loved me and then followed it with "my friend"
• Speaks Spanish and a bit of Portuguese
• Has told me repeatedly that he feels he is beneath me (which I immediately denied)
• Has told my friends I'm beautiful and the best girl in the world, but denied wanting to be my BF, when pressed (says love isn't about just that. I agree, BTW)
• Will take even what he doesn't have to help anyone, anytime
• Often would complain that he was "ugly" and girls "paid no attention to him"
• Although he did mention a girl who "scared" him by asking him to be her bf after hearing him sing
• Often spoke of how he felt lonely but didn't know if he was ready for a gf, and how he wanted to have children someday

Lúthien (Me)

• Will turn 19 in a few months
• At first only helped him because he needed it, later due to friendship
• He won my love, but I have not told him yet
• When I met him, I had a crush on an Internet friend of mine, which he knew well as I only wanted friendship
• Speaks English as well as Spanish

Both

• Mexican nationality
• We both have the mushiest hearts, haha
• Lovers of animals (especially as relates to aquariums)
• Love to sing
• Hard workers
• Romantic temperament (read: feelings over reason, very loyal to friends, etc. though I am more rebellious than he)

Now you've got the bare facts, know this: up until two or so weeks ago he was the best friend anyone could ever have asked for. He was always there for me, and was even more insistent than I that we should be friends forever, that he'd stay with me and we'd finish school together. And, of course, I did my best for him as well (even though I repeat at first it was for friendship and not romantic love; he knew of my crush). He met my family and everyone liked him. He introduced to me his only "family", a friend he considers a brother; and he was always eager to meet my friends and all the people in my social circle. My family helped him out because he's so poor sometimes he doesn't even eat, and gets sick because of it. And whenever either of us had a problem, we'd reach out to the other, sometimes (okay, often) chatting on WhatsApp all night long.

His birthday was on the 12th of December. He knew I was planning something for him, though I refused to say what. He agreed to come to my house then, and just then since he'd lost his job my dad found him an excellent one and helped him get to the interview. He got the job. Next day, he went to his hometown to see his brother who was sick, and said nothing to me until he was on his way already (mind, this from a person who'd previously shared even his minutest plans with me, whether I asked or no!) My father told me he'd be back in two days, but the next day he stopped coming online, calls went to voicemail, etc. I freaked out, with the situation as it is in Mexico, and my knowing he wouldn't even try to fight back if attacked in any way. Fortunately, though, he turned up again last week, messaging me from a friend's phone and apologizing for disappearing...said he'd been back for two days but didn´t show up on his bday because he was sick. I asked why he hadn't contacted me and he said his phone had died and he'd left the small one I gave him here. He told me he had come back only to say good-bye to me, he was going back to his town, and he asked when we might see each other. I told him I was off work Saturday, and he agreed.

Saturday came and went, and no Beren appeared, no message, nothing. I waited all day for him, as I wanted to give him his late birthday present and his birth certificate (our old boss asked me to give it to him) and hopefully work up the guts to finally tell him how I feel about him. Yesterday only my mom finally asked his friend about him and he said Beren was fine and just got another cell phone.

I don't think he doesn't care about me, the way he would look at me and speak to me, not at me, all speak of his caring. But why is he doing this!? Why is he leaving, when he just got a better job than he could get anywhere else without help, and will finally be able to live decently and help support his younger brother? Is it because of me? He knows, of course, that I don't think he should go; but he also knows I will support him no matter what; or at least I hope he does! Why no contact? All this only started with that dratted trip to his hometown. My mother is furious with him for leaving when we've helped him, but somehow I cannot get angry. It's his life and the last thing I want to do is control him. But he gave me enough signals... I thought he loved me, too. And if I don't see him again, I will never get the chance to finally express my feelings and work out the confusion, face-to-face.

He doesn't yet know I have his papers, because I have been unable to contact him at all and don't want to press him or get his phone number from his friend if he doesn't want me to have it for whatever reason. I am thinking of sending his friend a message asking him to tell Beren that he should pick up his birth certificate and then talking to him when I see him, but at the same time I don't want to be clingy...he knows I want to see him, he knows I care about him, and if he wants to I guess he will seek me out...? Should I offer the option to mail him his certificate in case he doesn't want to see me for whatever reason, or just ask him if he can come to pick it up?

What do you think is happening here? Does he like/love me, as he said he did? Should I try to use the papers as an excuse to see him, or should I offer to mail them to him? Why was he so eager to see me before and now doesn't seem to care? Do you think he will come to see me, after all? Should I make an effort to seek him out, or will that just make me look easy and desperate?

Please, please help! :'(

Some ideas I've had or heard from my friends/family as to what might be happening here (and mind, he is NOT a bad person, but I'll post them all here anyway):

• He saw his hometown and was seized with longing to go back
• He doesn't know how to face me to say goodbye
• He's afraid I'll be angry when/if we meet
• He never really cared for me or liked me at all
• He grew tired of me
• He finds it painful to be around me because he thinks I'll never love him back
• He met another girl he likes more than me

[smackie9]

Let me get this right....you haven't told him how you feel? and now he is pushing you away. Do you not see the problem here?

[PrincessKiara]

So what can I do, smackie!? And why???

I love him, I really do! Please help! I have his birth certificate and other papers that were given me by our old mutual boss to give to him, so it seems we will be seeing each other next Saturday. But seeing me this last Saturday was his idea! And when confronted about it by my friend, he denied any romantic interest in me…though I get the feeling he was just too shy to say it. He’s a very meek, obedient type of guy.

But…Why would he push me away? He never overtly expressed his interest, and kept right on being the best friend I could’ve asked for even though he KNEW I had a crush on another guy.

What can I do to fix this? Is it too late already?

If/when I see him on Saturday, I plan to take him aside for a picnic at the park (not unusual for us) and ask him, straight up, why he hasn’t contacted me yet (but not in a confrontational/judgmental way, since I know for sure he is going through a lot), then tell him I feel very happy in our friendship and if/when he replies the same (I know he will, because he’s always saying how lucky he is to have met me), then I’ll hint that I feel this is becoming something deeper and more beautiful than just a friendship. Is that a good way to go about it? What do you suggest?

Please help me! I’m totally lost, I’ve never spoken in a romantic way to any man before and, quite frankly, I’m terrified, but he means too much to me to just drop it at this!

[Relationship T.]

The worst thing you can do in this instance is act on your desperation. Do nothing until you lower your emotional state. Even if he does like you, he can feel repulsion.

- - - Updated - - -

Young love is tough and it brings with it very dramatic emotions. Frankly, what you need is thorough help to calm yourself down and to develop and practice the approach with the most possibilities of success.

This is coming from experience. I have been a hopeless romantic since I was probably 10. I sympathize with your feelings.

[PrincessKiara]

The worst thing you can do in this instance is act on your desperation. Do nothing until you lower your emotional state. Even if he does like you, he can feel repulsion.

I know this, RT, and I know that, of course, you are right. I don't plan on going all Romeo and Juliet on him, of course, no matter how hard it might be to abstain from quoting Shakespeare's sonnets, a hahaha!

But I do feel that, if I'm going to tell him, it has to be now. I have this nagging feeling that he's leaving because he thinks I don't care for him as he does for me and that may be his reason for pulling away (I prefer to think that instead of other things!), but however that may be, if I don't tell him now, I might not get a chance. And far be it from me to brag, of course, but I honestly think that I am rather good at getting my emotions under control, especially as my parents don't much value feeling and in order to avoid trouble I have had to curb my otherwise massively romantic temperament. I've learned to respond quietly to my father's rants and rails, and I think that, in this case, I can trust myself to not show him any more than the appropriate nervousness. And I won't come off as desperate (or it is to be hoped not!) because I do not plan on telling him he's the only one for me or anything like it. I hope to make it clear that while I love him, I'm doing this to put the ball in his court, so to speak, not to throw myself at him. I want to give him the choice.

I plan on taking him to the park (which is nearly always deserted) for a picnic away from anyone else (not unusual for us, we did hang out a lot one-on-one before all this strangeness started to happen). I think I'll first give him his late birthday present (which I've been saving for him for over a month) and chat a bit, then ask him in a nonjudgmental, non-confrontational way why he disappeared without so much as a polite note when he knows I worry about him and when that is so contrary to all his previous behavior, and once that is set straight, tell him I've really enjoyed being friends with him and want us to continue hanging out forever. If he doesn't break fully away from all he's done and said, he'll almost certainly say the same back...and if/when he does, I plan on telling him something like, "The past few months have been really wonderful. I feel like we have something more beautiful here than just a friendship. What do you think?" And if he responds well, then I might say, "I love you." It all depends on how nervous he and I both are, haha. I'll do it in as calm and subdued a manner as possible because I don't want him to think I'm easy or desperate...I'm not. He's the only person who's ever made me feel this deep emotional connection.

And I'm not going to ask him to stay here. That has to be his choice alone. I figure, if he really cares and knows I won't reject him, he'll stay or come back soon enough, without me putting my nose in.

I might be seeing him tomorrow. He told my mom through a friend (long story) that he might be coming over to pick up his papers that were given to my keeping by our previous boss. And this might be the last time we see each other before he goes. I'm terrified, in a way. I do so want this to go well. I've been masking my true feelings for him for quite a long time...no more. From experience, I know he's too clueless to catch onto the few hints I've accidentally let drop here and there.

My questions now:
Do you think my idea is a good approach?

From what I've said of his behavior, do you think he has/had any feelings for me? If so, why the sudden cut in communication?

Should I call him out on his not saying anything to me before going to his hometown and not showing up last Saturday, as we'd agreed? I've always felt I could trust him and be myself around him; and in the past he's even canceled other plans to come see me.

This is what's got me spinning, the discrepancy between his previous and current actions (as of two weeks ago). I have no cell phone now, so he can't call me, but he knows he can contact me through my mom's phone...she's mad at him now, though, for deciding to leave just when my dad got him a good job opportunity, and while I know what he's doing is irresponsible, I can't blame him for wanting to be close to the only family he has who still cares about him.

He's always been more subservient to my parents even than I, and used to express to me his fears. He told me his greatest one was of being alone, and while he was the one who insisted on meeting my family, he was very anxious to please; on our way he kept asking me whether he thought my parents would like him and on our way back he kept extolling their virtues and asking me what my mom and dad thought of him. He seems to like my younger sisters even more than I do *blush* and was always eager to help however he could.

Surely all these signs show that he does care? Or at least, did? Where did I go wrong? *sigh* He knew I had a crush on someone else when we met, yet he could've said something, and didn't. Does that mean he didn't really like me, or was he just confused because I turned him down when he asked me out with him (even though I didn't tell him a flat-out 'no', just 'later' because I didn't want him to unnecessarily spend money he needed to eat on movie tickets)?

[PrincessKiara]

Well!

On Christmas, my mom briefly let me have my cell phone back. I checked and, to my shock, saw that he was online. I was in tears, but decided not to jump to conclusions as I really felt that he cared, so I sent him a Merry Christmas.

..."Who are you?"

Me: What? You really forgot your best friend, Frodo? (my pet name for him, haha)

..."Frodo? I'm not who you think I am, this phone was rented to me."

Me: By Beren?

..."I'm his best {male} friend's mom. Are you his girlfriend?"

Me: Um...no, ma'am. Hahaha

..."Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that you look like her. He has a bunch of presents here for his girlfriend."

At this point, I was shaking all over.

Me: I didn't know he had a girlfriend...My name is Lúthien and I'm his best friend, we met at work.

..."Oh, so then you're the famous Lúthien?"

Me: Yes, ma'am... He's told you about me, then?"

..."He talks about you every day. Then the presents are for you. I'm sorry, I just assumed you were his girlfriend because he has a photo of you as his phone wallpaper. Look, I'm sorry for using Beren's phone, but he needed money and I offered it to him, and he wouldn't take it unless I would let him lend me his phone because he knew I needed it to talk to my sister."

I didn't think much of this, because I know for a fact he's done it before, and he's ashamed to borrow money just like that. And it would explain why he hasn't contacted me...though he could have asked for the use of another phone, the lady told me he was embarrassed to ask. I thought this likely enough since he's already living with her family. She first offered to give the phone back to him, then asked me to contact him on her son's cell phone, to which I replied that that wasn't necessary, that I trusted he'd contact me when he was ready. But I digress.

Me: Don't apologize, ma'am. I know how it is with him. I guess I was just worried because he asked if he could see me on Saturday, and I never heard back from him. I thought it was strange because he's always contacted me before.

..."Aw, you're so sweet. I'm sorry, that was mostly my fault. I had an operation and my son has to take care of me, so Beren is running my store for me. He works from 8AM to 11PM. He's a gift from God; my business finally stabilized now that he's here."

Me: Yes, he's great with people. The customers really like him.

..."Yes. I just lit a special candle for Beren. He's very pious, too, even with animals. It's a shame he has a girlfriend, or I'd want him for a son-in-law, hahaha."

We started talking about how great he was and it turned out we were both against his plans to leave, thinking it wouldn't be good for him. I confided to her that I still hope he'll change his mind, stay and finish school with me, as he'd said, and she said she viewed him as a son and would pay for his education. She told me she was the one who'd advised him not to take the job my dad found for him because it wasn't a good job. I thanked her for reassuring me that he did want to talk to me and thanked her for helping my friend, at which point she started calling me "my girl", saying that I was like him, and that there was no need for me to thank her. She then offered to give him the next day (Saturday) on paid leave of absence so he could come see me, but then remembered she was getting a delivery and couldn't let him go; but she promised to let him as soon as her daughter arrived to take care of her. We talked for easily more than an hour on WhatsApp. I told her that I was bothered by the fact he'd spent money to get me gifts, and she said "If you don't accept them, you'll break his heart." I said, "Of course I'll accept them, but I do wish he hadn't done it, nonetheless."

Near the end of our conversation I remarked on something I'd noticed. Probably insignificant, but just thought I'd mention it.

Throughout our conversation, she was referring to me as "my girl", which is something Beren does all the time, but I thought nothing of it since many other older people call me that as well. But I noticed that...well, his spelling isn't exactly stellar, and she was making most of the same spelling mistakes he always makes. Of course, this means nothing, as most Mexicans can't spell their own language to save their lives, but thinking to make a joke I asked her, "Are you sure you aren't Beren? You sound so much like him hahaha."

She was like, "What do you mean?"

I realized I'd put my foot in it. "Oh, nothing," I tried to blow it off. "It's just that your style is a lot like his."

I was about to continue with something like, "That must be why you're as nice as he is," (because she truly struck me as a sweet lady), but before I could send that message, she asked if she could call me, and said I'd offended her with my comment. I apologized for my clumsiness and told her I was only making a stupid joke, but she insisted on calling me twice. Both times I answered, but either she hung up right away or the call was dropped. She said she'd tried to call me so that I would know it really wasn't him, but I apologized and assured her it wasn't necessary, and after the two cut off calls she finally gave up and told me that it was OK and I was welcome at her house anytime. That said, we parted on a friendly note.


Garn! I do so badly want to confess my love to him when I see him! I feel bad now for ever having doubted him, and I see now that my mom's harsh judgment of him was altering my vision. I do so want her to think well of me...

But I guess that's a moot question, now. My mother KNOWS I don't sleep around, I'm a virgin and have never admitted to crushes before when I liked guys... in part because I'm shy and in part because I didn't want to date/play around, nor was I ready to get serious about someone. Before, when my crushes were on people I knew over the Internet or friends who we'd moved away from, she was always supportive and would tell me that she believed I was a good, clean, innocent girl. Now she seems to think I'm some sort of slut!!!! She and my father say I can't be alone with Beren, and they sic my sometimes-annoying little sisters on us whenever we're together in the house... And then this! Out of the blue, she told me I should forget about Beren and threatened me that if I got pregnant she would not let me in her house again.

I was almost too shocked and hurt to reply. If anyone ought to know me, it's her...up until recently, I trusted her with even my smallest thought. Of course, I denied my feelings for him once I heard this. But my mother strongly suspects...even though at first she approved completely of him. And I know for a fact my father spoke to him, calling him out for not taking the job and not saying anything about it.

When I confronted my mother about it, she first said it was her "duty" to tell me what she said. I told her quite firmly that she knew me and should know I'm not one to do that, but she stuck to her hurtful words. Then when I started crying she began to hug me and say she was sorry that Beren had broken my heart, and that's why she was angry at him.

He did NOT break my heart.

I'm fairly certain that is NOT why she is angry, though I can't fathom the real reason.

And he's done nothing wrong, so far as I can tell, save for a short forced hiatus from communication.

I'm so confused right now. I'm definitely confessing the next time I see him, after I give him his late birthday present and we've had a chance to catch up and can be alone. But I don't know what words to use, and I'm definitely not telling my mother or father anything.

Any advice?

I know this is super long, but I really am confused... I will be eternally grateful to whoever takes the time to read this and help me out, I feel like I'm going crazy...

[pcmaster]

I replied to your previous topic named "Cont", Kiara.

[smackie9]

Oh for heavens sake just tell him how you feel already! YES Beren is in love with you, but he is painfully insecure.

[pcmaster]

You might tell him but a kiss and then telling him could do much more than just words. The problem is that you been talking too much without really doing anything.

[PrincessKiara]

Oh for heavens sake just tell him how you feel already! YES Beren is in love with you, but he is painfully insecure.

That's what I...sort of thought! Sometimes it seemed to me like he was about to say something then got scared and changed the meaning of what he was saying.

I will tell him when I see him in person, no doubt about it! But...

You might tell him but a kiss and then telling him could do much more than just words.

Oh, believe you me, pcmaster...I'd love to do that, hahaha. But I feel a kiss would be likely to frighten him. I'm a bit of a prude (and proud too! LOL), but he takes it a bit too far...like he's hesitant even to put a hand on my shoulder and he says it wouldn't be correct for him to ask me what time I get off work! He AGREED with my father when I got annoyed at him for saying we couldn't be alone without my eleven- and nine-year-old sisters there. ("I can understand your dad, he's right because I'm a man and he doesn't know me well.") I was bristling, I'm 18 years old already, and he's supposed to trust me...not that this is any of his business.

Also, there's just the small matter of...me not knowing how to kiss I have kissed him, multiple times, but it's just been the peck-on-the-cheek kind used among Mexican friends.

Any wording ideas? Like, something I can work off of so as not to frighten him?

I plan to make him a coconut Jell-O (his favorite flavor) and take him to the park for a picnic of sorts so that I can give him the late birthday present I got him...and, of course, tell him how I feel...in peace, without any little sisters/parents around.

Ugh. Life is so confusing.

[pcmaster]

Kiss on the lips are more direct than kiss on the cheek, takes a little more courage but its worth it cause it feels better. Of course he would feel more like a man if he would be the one who kisses you first. But you can make it easier for him by telling him to kiss you.
However eitheir way - he kisses you first or you kiss him first - he will be more attracted to you. He will be actually more attracted to you if you cared less about his feelings. Even if he would be frightened(what I doubt) he would still like you more. Its not just good emotions that attracts. Its the mix of emotions - good and bad that makes you feel more for the person. Full range of emotions. Don't take each other too serious. Being afraid of something to happen or not wanting something to happen will do the opposite - make it happen.
Go out for a drinks sometime. Have one or two drinks each and it will help loosen up a lot.

[PrincessKiara]

Go out for a drinks sometime. Have one or two drinks each and it will help loosen up a lot.

Good idea! I'll be sure to grab a couple glasses of coconut water before we head out to the park. Mwahahahaha!!!

While 18 is the legal age here in Mexico and my parents have even offered me drinks on occasion...I've never tasted alcohol in my life. I'm not normally a very picky eater, but if there's something I can't stand almost as much as any form of seafood...it's alcohol! LOL

And I know for sure Beren doesn't drink alcohol, either :p

[pcmaster]

Thats good. Its just most people that are virgins don't drink. There is some parallels between these two things.