What now?

[Wakeup]

Now he is telling me that this is the first time in 6months and it was only for 10mins but how do I believe that given his history and over-use of it?

You are the one who is obsessed with porn. Not him.

[lightstar]

Yes in my mind it became a really big deal. I felt threatened by it and felt like I had lost something. I know lust cannot last forever but I kept his longer than a lot of people do. I was the centre of his universe and he made me feel like the only woman in the world. Now for the past few years he developed an interest in that and it makes me sad coz its like that part of our relationship has changed and he doesn't just have eyes for me anymore.

Oh I knew it would happen at some point. I just didn't think it would hurt so much

After he was finally honest with me about it and didn't try to lie or deny it, I do feel a lot better about it. I feel like I got some closure and his honesty meant a lot to me. I know he lied because he was scared of my reaction but once he told the truth it was a huge relief to us both and now I feel like we can move forward and I can get over it.

In one way the actual porn did affect me but the lies and secrecy is what caused my fixation and obsession. I felt a huge need to get the truth from him. Now that he has been honest I don't feel threatened by it. I am beginning to understand it better and I also know now he doesn't have an obsession or addiction to it coz he finally spoke openly and honestly with me about it.

Now I just want to move forward and be happy again

[Wakeup]

Well, that's settled then.

[relblogger]

Aw, man. And there was me really enjoying what you had to say lightstar. And then I came across this.

I think people are missing a HUGE point here. Lightstar doesn't like her man watching Porn and masturbating to it because the act makes her feel insecure. But because Men the world over do it - then that makes it absolutely 100% here, right? This is what you're saying to her.

Let me put it another way. If you as a male thought that your partner doing something was ruining your relationship. But because 95% of women are up to it - you just have to suck it up?

Hey, I'm all for porn and the needs that it serves but then when was making your loving partner feel even remotely insecure OK?

I think we also need to recognise that their relationship has been suffering from many years because of this. We prop each other up in a relationship. We don't say, well. I don't care that this makes you feel ugh - **** you, I'm going to do it.

You see what I'm getting at?

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying Porn is bad here. I'm saying that neglecting Lightstars needs in favour of Porn is. If a woman says I don't like heights. You don't take her to the top of the Eiffel Tower and call her an insecure bitch because she's freaking out lol.

Anyway. imo:

relate org uk - The Relationship People.

Really really good relationship therapy for Porn addiction.