What's going on?

[Angel29]

I have been friends with a guy for a year. We get on so well and he has everything I look for in a partner. In the summer he asked me out but I said no, mainly as I had stronger feelings for someone else and I wasn't sure if I fancied him. Even if I thought it would work I did not want him waiting around whilst I wasn't over someone else.

There is nothing wrong with this guy and he is decent looking. A few days after he asked me out he left the area for work commitments which is why he asked me out as he wanted to do it before he left. He has been back a few times whilst working.

Last month for my birthday he said it was important to celebrate my birthday and he bought me a birthday cake, meal, a rose and perfume and said I deserve it, other friends were at this meal. One of his friends always says it's a shame and says the guy is a nice guy, which he is.

Shortly after my birthday he has been dating this girl but he did not tell me. I don't know why he didn't tell me as I thought we got on. I saw him this weekend for a friend's party. He said he was glad to see me and that things haven't been going well with this girl and he can't wait till she has gone. His friends said they have split up but she won't leave him alone but she is moving back abroad for good next week.

He said the girl has made his life really unhappy and that we must catch up. I admit I did feel a bit jealous when he was with this girl but don't know if that is me being selfish. I am just confused about how I feel and don't know if he has moved on or not.

[Wakeup]

What is your question? Were you looking for advice on whether or not you should go out with him? Has he even asked you out on a date? What was he thinking buying you a rose and perfume when he was with someone else? Why hasn't he just blocked and delete this other woman if she's made his life so miserable? Red flag that he hasn't actually.

[Angel29]

I am just unsure as we get on so well and I haven't met anyone like him. I don't know why he bought me gifts on my birthday as though I was his girlfriend when I did not know he had a girlfriend. He was drunk and sending me messages when I got home after my birthday saying I was very pretty and asking how my dating was going.

[TheEvilJester]

I mean, do you want to date him, or do you still feel uninterested? You said before that it was because you were more into some other guy. Is that guy still in the picture, or is he gone? If he's gone, are you over your feelings for him?

If other guy is gone, as are your feelings for him, and there is no other guy who now has your attention.... then I think it comes down to a simple question. Do you want to go out with him? He could be the nicest guy in the world, but that doesn't have to automatically mean he is the right guy for you. So, don't go out with him just because you THINK you should want to go out with him. Go out with him if it is because you like him and think there could be something there.

So, if you do decide that you'd like to take that chance, then maybe you ask him out. It is possible he may not consider asking you out again. He's already asked and you turned him down. You did the right thing at the time because you were more focused on somebody else and rightfully didn't want to string him along. However, it is very possible he would assume you are not interested and that will not change, so it doesn't want to be "that guy" by constantly asking you.

So, this is one time you may have to make the move. He's been respectful enough not to bug you because he asked and you turned him down. If your feelings have changed and you may be interested, don't hesitate to ask him out. Obviously not if he's still with another gal, but it sounds like you said that is over now. Maybe at least wait until you know for sure it is over (sometimes first break-ups don't last), but then give it a try if that is what you want.

On the other hand, if you honestly still don't really think you are that into him, then why waste his time and yours? I don't know which is the case since only you would know. Again, he may be a great guy, but that doesn't automatically mean he is the right guy for you. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. If you're not really that into the idea of trying with him, why bother. If you are, then why not go for it. Good luck to you either way. I hope you decide what you want to do about it, and I hope it goes well either way.

[Angel29]

He has broken up with her now and she has left the country. He has contacted me since and I wonder why he wants to meet up at a nice restaurant if we are just 'catching up'.

[Wakeup]

Stop being so naïve.
Keep your heart and sex out of this until you know his intentions and whether or not he values you.
Stop asking questions and get on with it.

[TheEvilJester]

Exactly. No need to wonder why. Just go to the restaurant with him if that is what you want, and go from there. Maybe his intentions will become clear, maybe they won't. If they do, you can decide how you want to proceed based upon his intentions. If they do not, perhaps you can just talk to him about it. Maybe ask him out if you decide that is what you want. Speculation will do you no good. Just go find out. :-) Good luck.

[Angel29]

We went out for the meal and bumped into a mutual friend. The mutual friend said to him 'is this a date?' and I heard him whisper that he wished it was! Later I joked to him that he doesn't hang around as he was talking to the waitress when I had gone to the toilet, he then got his dig in saying that he can't hang around after I turned him down.

[Wakeup]

When to two of you start acting like adults instead of junior high schoolers maybe you'll advance this past the stupidness thus far.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, so it sounds like he is interested. You apparently overheard him telling his friend he wishes this meal with you was a date. Plus, he's casually teasing you about turning him down in the past. I think those are decently good signs that he is interested. So, I agree with Wakeup. No need to play any more games. Just ask him out. Chances are he may not make that move himself because you already turned him down before. Why should he think that has changed? So, why not just go ahead and take the initiative yourself?

I mean, sure it could turn out he's not still interested, but even if that does happen, wouldn't you be so much better off knowing rather than wondering? Good luck to you.