Do I trust her and believe her

[Italia78]

i will start of by saying my girlfriend loves me very much and would do anything for me. i am embarrassed to say but i went through my girlfriends phone because of trust issues and saw a text that was off kilter. you can tell the text is more of the guy advancing but it was i knew something was wrong. i told her what i did but didn't really get into detail of what i saw because i was afraid of the truth and i wanted to see if she would come clean. she told me to stop playing games and i admit that i did play a little bit of a game because i wanted her to admit it. I just said "i saw a text'. 2 weeks go by and i finally hit her directly by asking 'who is john (not real name). she played stupid and said i don't know who you are talking about. 2 hours later i sent her an email with his picture. no response and then i asked her again face to face. she admitted it is a guy at work that has been a little too friendly but she told him they are nothing but friends. thats it. she cheated on husband and got a divorce. we started off as best friends and i never thought it would be more. she was asking for more but i was always straight forward with her. things change. i never judged her for her cheating. we all make mistakes. anyway, i mentioned the whole text thing 2 days later. btw she travels for work which always makes me nervous. now it became i invited him to my hotel room. what?????? the only reason i think she came clean s because she thought i saw more of the message and didnt want to look like she was holding the truth. regardless, they were drinking after work (me and her were in a fight and i told her i was moving out before she left...mostly out of anger about something i cant even remember) and she went back to her hotel room and texted him the room number. she is a closed person so she keeps things to herself. they were talking about work and then she said she felt lonely and texted her room number. she swears nothing happened and the just talked because she was lonely and needed to talk about work....not even talk about the fight she was having with me. regardless, he left and they were sitting on the couch talking. dont know how long he was there. keep in mind we moved into our new house a week later. to me, there is an intention there which she said she had none of.....of course she did. she had a bad drinking problem and has calmed down a lot for our relationship. i still drink heavily but she has realy toned it down. when she came home that friday she wasnt acting weird at all. my thinking: you know i have a trust issue - you didnt tell me because you knew i would get pissed but if i call you out why do you dance around it and not come clean. the biggest...the hard part for me is how do you invite a guy back to your room with no intention? i could be wrong. you know its wrong and she thought is was not a big deal. of course she got defensive and tried to turn things on me. granted i have taken a step back in my career to focus on starting a family. i hear things but all i see is facts. that is what i base things on. we went out last night and she drank. she really does not anymore but i thought she should have a good time. she deserves it because she works hard and deals with me. i am not easy to deal with but i am worth it. she wasnt grinding on guys or anything but you can see a different person. i can see her doing something stupid when she drinks. i can drink a lot but i always know when i am wrong...always. the drinking has to stop for sure. putting that aside what to you think?

[Wakeup]

I think you are with a chronic cheater and she, if nothing else has not honed her boundaries and still does inappropriate things like inviting a guy to her hotel room, which, as we all know, can lead to mixed messages and giving the guy the wrong idea.

I also think that the two of you need help with stopping your drinking because neither of you can see that the last thing you need is an impaired view of this relationship and her behaviour.

You don't trust her because she does untrustworthy things. Romantic boundary crossing things. Likely the very boundary crossing things that led to her cheating on her husband. Its fine to say "everyone makes mistakes" but if that person hasn't learned anything from them then they are doomed to repeat them.