Stayed at a female friend's house, in her bed...

[FruitBandit]

I'm a guy, and I have a female friend who is a few years younger than me. We've only known each other for a few months (we met at university) but we both feel like it's longer than that considering how much we have been hanging out etc. We also have a few mutual friends, male and female.

Recently I went over to hers to hang out, just me and her with no one else home. We normally just sit on her bed and talk or watch movies etc on her laptop. The fact that we're on her bed doesn't mean much i think - she is only in any other room when she has to be, and there's nowhere else to sit apart from her desk chair, and her bed is big and comfortable.

So one night I'm over at hers and we're watching a movie on my laptop. Sometimes she'll invite me to get in bed with her if its cold (both of us have all clothes on) and this night we were up quite late. She started to fall asleep and so did I. I didn't want invite myself to stay in case she didn't want me to, but she said it was fine for me to stay, she didnt mind. So I did. i should probably also point out that she is a virgin she told me a while ago. (I dont' see why she would lie).

Now at this point, everything is starting to add up. I've only ever been with one girl myself and even when I already knew she wanted me, I was bad at reading signs. (She did once say that laying on a bed with a guy is definitely something)

- Home alone
- Watching movies in bed under the covers

She even came over to mine at 3am once to watch my football team play on tv (she has no interest in them) and then slept in my bed with me until we had to get up for work. And guess what, I haven't made a single move.

Now at this point you're probably thinking I'm either gay or just really stupid. I would like to get with this girl, so why didn't I even try?
As weird as it seems, I just don't get that vibe that she wanted sex. I feel she is really casual and sleeping in the same bed as a guy to her is almost like nothing. But everyone I've ever spoken to says if one stays at the other's house...sex is 99% chance to happen. So she is either not sure what to do because she's inexperienced, thinks I'm really stupid and won't take a hint, or just isn't actually interested.

What do you guys think? Thanks for reading

[relblogger]

Ok. Toughie because I feel you're a genuinely nice guy.

Women don't do any of that shit unless they have an interest in you. I was (not now) a super hot young man and the only woman that ever did this with me was the one that was basically smitten by me. Women will try it on, ask you out, try and give you a ton of hints; some you can barely ignore!! But that stuff is a level up my friend.

I suspect she really, really, really, really, really, really likes you. Women are emotional creatures and sex isn't as high up on their agenda as it is for us guys (Although don't get me wrong, when turned on women are savage beasts lol)

Try to make an ever so slightly gentle move next time she's in bed with you - see if she responds! If she doesn't then at least you now know your boundaries

Women need to feel safe in a relationship, I expect she's getting that from you already

Hope that helps!

[FruitBandit]

Appreciate your response. It makes sense doesn't it, I mean a girl never offers to let you stay over in her bed unless she expects something to happen. I just get the impression that to her that's just what mates do, and she doesn't think anything of it. Whereas I told several others that I stayed, and all of them can't believe I didn't make a move.

[melancholia]

Why would we assume you are gay or stupid just because you are respectful of your female friend? I don't think that's gay or stupid at all -- I think it makes you seem like a genuinely respectful and good guy. The guy I'm dating didn't make a move on me for a while, and we slept in the same bed a couple times after hanging out at his place (neither of us are virgins). I think if you have feelings for this girl, you should just tell her and ask her if she sees you two dating down the road. You can take your time and ease into things and see how they go.

To whoever is saying that a girl never asks you to stay in her bed unless she expects something sexual to happen -- that is predatory thinking. I am sorry, but just because a girl is nice enough to let you sleep in a bed next to her does not mean she automatically wants to bang you. If you want something to happen with her, talk to her about it. Don't be passive aggressive by trying to "read her signals", because you are probably (more likely, definitely) misinterpreting them. OP, she may like you, and maybe she does want something to happen, but don't make the mistake of assuming that she does. Just talk to her about it and see where it goes.

[relblogger]

And there you go.

melancholia basically admitted that the guy she slept in the same bed with non-sexually started dating her afterwards.

But she's definitely right with the sex thing. Don't expect it! - You can't tell what's going on in her mind until you talk to her

[FruitBandit]

And there you go.

melancholia basically admitted that the guy she slept in the same bed with non-sexually started dating her afterwards.

But she's definitely right with the sex thing. Don't expect it! - You can't tell what's going on in her mind until you talk to her

And I'd rather date her than just have sex with her. She's worth a lot, and I'd like to keep her in my life long term regardless, unlike a lot of people I've met at university. Thanks for your replies, I guess I just need to talk to her then

[relblogger]

Good man

Come back and tell us how it works out!

I'd really be interested to know

[melancholia]

I think it is important to lay your expectations on the line upfront. Be honest with her, just like you have been with us in this forum. I think she will appreciate how respectful you are, and just be clear about what you want to tell her. Hopefully everything works out well for you!

[pcmaster]

Nice to see your name again FruitBandit.

What you did was alright if all you want is to be friends. I can tell you havent used to have sex regulary thats why you are not agressive in bed. Theres nothing wrong about it unless you want sex - then you should be one to make a move. Even without sex - just sleeping with this girl in bed you did bond with this girl more and now feel more attracted. Its natural.

Remembered this story on this forum - where guy used to sleep with his ex GF in bed naked sometimes, after parties. So they didnt had sex - they just were naked sleepers but one time they were drunk and sex just happened. And of course it was just a question of time, sooner or later in situation like that sex should have happened.
Maybe when you sleep with girl in bed with clothes on its a question of time too - after like million times you both eventually will have sex.

[beccamoo123]

I had a very similar thing happen a 2 nights ago with my best friend, we were watching martian and we had a few beers while watching it, he had a buzz on and didn't want to drive so I told him he could stay and sleep in bed with me. I had no intention of having sex with him. Anyhow, when he came to bed all he had on was boxers, no shirt and all the sudden I looked at him and liked everything I saw. He fell asleep quickly, I couldn't sleep because I just kept looking at him. I ended up waking him up with something that every guy loves, he first said no. But he didn't stop me from doing it, then after about 10 mins he was on top of me having sex with me. I may have taken advantage of him. The point is I had no intention of banging him when I invited him to sleep in my bed. Is it more likely than not that she wants to have sex with you, sure. But its not 100 percent that she wants to have sex, its more likely though.

[FruitBandit]

Ok. Toughie because I feel you're a genuinely nice guy.

Women don't do any of that shit unless they have an interest in you. I was (not now) a super hot young man and the only woman that ever did this with me was the one that was basically smitten by me. Women will try it on, ask you out, try and give you a ton of hints; some you can barely ignore!! But that stuff is a level up my friend.

I suspect she really, really, really, really, really, really likes you.

See I just don't get the impression that she does like me though. Well I havent seen her in a couple of weeks because she's been away, so hopefully I will see her in the next few days. I guess I just need to let her know how I feel

[FruitBandit]

Saw her tonight, we had a good catch up and established that we are just friends and only ever will be friends. I'm perfectly fine with this - maybe slightly dissapointed but it's always nice to hear the truth. She's a very honest and straight up girl. I told her how I was confused and cautious about letting me stay in her bed etc. She just doesn't see anything of it. I never made a move on her that night because I trusted my guy instinct, which is always right.

I still might be looking for 'the one' a year after my heartbreak, but honestly I'm glad I met someone like her. Sure we'll only be friends and she's now more aware of how she may be giving confusing signs to guys without even realising it, but she's a good girl, and I'm happy to be her friend if that's all she wants.

Case closed, thanks for your responses