I need your advice ladies!

[idarealmvp]

Okay this is kinda long but I hope you still read it. Okay, I recently asked my friend out and she said yes. Even before this, she was already giving signs (a lot of them) that she likes me. And I was right! She did have feelings for me but in the middle of my "courtship", I found out that she was in a mutual relationship with another guy for almost 3 months now (they're not officially a couple). She told me that she has no plans of leaving this man and I should stop pursuing her. I asked her where she met this guy and what made her fall for him and she told the story of her and this guy. Im just gonna summarize it for you so you won't get bored reading my post. This is how the story goes: she has lots of message requests on facebook from people she doesn't know(like a hundred plus requests). One day she decided to scan those requests and replied to one of them. So they started chatting and after a month and a half, they fell in love with each other but decided not to be in a relationship. So she likes him he likes her the feeling's mutual but no boyfriend-girlfriend label. Okay that's how they met. When she told me this story she sent me screenshots of their conversations and even the dumbest person on earth will tell you that this guy is a total wreck. He lies to her, doesn't show her much affection, and add to that the fact that they haven't seen each other in person, only through skype, and this guy also has 1 kid and is going back home to fight for the custody of his child with the mother (the guy works in another country). So I asked her what made her fall in love with this guy and she told me that she fell in love with his negative side (all his misfortunes and stuff). And so she told me to stop pursuing her because she's getting confused so what I did was i distanced myself from her. After 3 days, she was frantically looking for me asking me what happened to me and why I stopped messaging her. I initially thought that their mutual relationship already ended considering that she was now willing to talk to me but just after 1 hour after messaging me, she started acting cold again and then disappeared(ever since she told me their story she started acting cold). And earlier today, she messaged me again and all she said was this: "what?". I'm so confused right now and I don't know what to do. Common sense tells me that if you don't want to talk to someone, why bother messaging them? This will actually be easier if she hadn't looked for me so frantically and desperately 3 days ago and if she hadn't messaged me today. But it just doesn't add up and it doesn't make sense to me that she doesn't want to talk to me and yet she keeps messaging me. So for my question, should I still pursue her or should I move on with my life? I'm addressing this question to all the ladies out there because there might be something here that I missed so it would be nice if a lady could give me a good and solid advice. Thanks everyone!

[Cases&Coffee]

My friend, the question you asked is a a rather complicated question. Complicated because you are the only one who can answer, or who can decide whether you want to continue or stop pursuing her. You see, I may babble a lot in this reply, but the decision to pursue or not to pursue her is a decision that only you can make.

So, let's have an assessment of your situation, shall we?

I think more than hearing convincing answers, you are more interested in knowing why your friend is still sticking with (according to you) an arse, no? Well, the answer to that is actually quite simple -- he had her FIRST. You see, even if you have been friends with the girl for so long, it is only lately that you were able to show romantic interest in her. BUT HE HAD MANIFESTED ROMANTIC INTEREST IN HER LONG AGO. It took a little rubbing from your friend before you were able to gather some courage to ask her out.

Now, you'll argue, "But I had shown romantic interest in her now." Yes you had. But the guy has something which you clearly do not have. What is it, you'll ask? The answer to this was apparently given to you explicitly by your friend -- she fell in love with his misfortunes. We, women, have this superhero or messianic complex, where we believe we can fix or change anything or ANYONE with our love. BUT THAT IS AN ABSOLUTE BS, because the decision to change lies not in the girl, but in the self. Assuming that you have been friends with her for so long, then she clearly knows you, and knows that you do not have similar "misfortunes" that she can provide aid with. YOU ARE OF NO THRILL TO HER.

Add to this thrill, is the fact THAT SHE HAS NOT SEEN HIM IN PERSON.... YET. This for her, is very thrilling, an absolute love story in the making, building the climax of the supposed love story for her, that will be consummated with their eventual meeting.

The other thing that you are wondering about is why she turned cold after she messaged you. MY FRIEND, PUT YOURSELF IN HER SHOES -- WHY WILL NOT SHE AVAIL HERSELF OF THE "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS"??? You, my friend, is the, unfortunately, replacement when things don't work out with the guy she met on Facebook. She has turned cold because she has already assured herself that you are still in the ball game, and she can still have you if things do not work out with the guy. I know this is quite an evil portrayal of things, but things like these really happen everyday.

So, here's my assessment. Enjoy, and goodluck, lad. <3