She loved me, she loved me not! (Female perspective needed please)

[irishwriter]

Try not to make this long or boring.. Girl i knew years ago contacted me again via FB, after years not seeing or speaking to her.. she said she dreamt about me so added me.. we talked talked talked each day for hours! For 3 months as friends but it was more i knew it was.. we hooked up in august, it was brilliant, I was crazy about her. 2 months was great, she went back to college, I started night work, got hard seeing each other. She started acting different, cold, distant, arguing… for her bday i booked a trip to Amsterdam with friends..she gave me the cold shoulder there but not my friends..they asked her why and what was up? she got angry thinking i tell them our business..

we got home and 3 days later talking over FB she ended it, said she did not feel it or we did not gel.. I was the most genuine decent guy she met too, her life was crazy with college and she has a little girl and she should not have got into a relationship.. she has a past, her last bf scared her off men, he abused her and her child mentally.. she still is not over that I think.. she has scars.. she opened up to me then backed off.. was I too nice? she was not used to it, my friends think maybe, her past relationships was all men who left her, abused her, treated her badly.

I never said a bad word when she ended it, said I got it, she was a great mother, wished her the best with it all, she was not a monster, I cared about her deeply but understood her reasons etc.. I told her could i still send her little girl the boots I promised her that she was so excited about and she said course and she really appreciated it. I also decided it was best we not be friends on FB for both, so deleted her. Said our goodbyes and wished each other well, she left it was a kiss, that was it. She sent a text a week later saying thanks so much for the boots was so kind and she would not forget that. That was Dec 18th, I have no contacted her since. I honestly do not think its good for me to text her, I love her, I want her back but shes so stubborn, so independent, and was so sure with her words that she did not feel it, I do not think there is coming back from it personally and we did talk after it ended, we spoke well and we wished each other well if I text she may think I am bothering her.. do you think if i just left it and carried on with life she would one day regret letting a good man go? should i just hold out and carry on with life..

I know she cares about me, she respected me a lot, she values me a lot and she said she takes full blame for what happened and she was sorry to hurt me so much it was hurting her also to see what she has done to me as I did not deserve it but I told her its not her fault do not feel bad over it, she cant help how she feels... Some things play in my mind that make no sense, like the night before she ended it she was very nice and sending kisses before i went to work as she would do, when she was angry she never did.. Also the day before our trip away which was a week before she ended it, she told me about her mum and how i would meet her soon etc.. all seemed like she made a rushed decision but stuck to it.. I dunno. Confused deeply. Any advice would be brilliant and i would appreciate it. I think I acted well, I always kept my cool when she did not deserve it, I acted maturely..

Someone told me her past being all bad relationships and her life being about let downs, being adopted etc.. she has mistaken love now for abuse, she does not feel the same being with someone who treats her good, who cares about her. Maybe there is truth to that as can become accustom to it and believe that is what love is about in a twisted way.. thing is she is very bright, she knows her last guys were bad news and it hurt her a lot and her child too and she would not put her through that again I believe.. Still leaves a lot of questions though.

[megvoh]

Just saw your thread here, I'll try to add some thoughts to you on it.

That's cold to end a relationship, one you spent months in, were intimate and traveled together over FB, and not at least over the phone or skype where you could see each other.
I assume you didn't live in same countries, or were far apart not to do IRL?

If you were a nice guy to her, even if a new thing for her she should have appreciated your kindness and not ran from it, maybe got herself some therapy to heal damage off last relationships while being with you too. Don't second guess your own actions, being nice and good to another isn't a bad thing so don't blame yourself.

I wouldn't push her for more, she wanted to go, if she wants to return she knows where you are and she will come back to you.

[irishwriter]

It was cold how she did it, and cowardly, she did not want to see me or speak on a phone and I tried too, which says more about her. She knew how hard I would take it, how much it would hurt me and I guess it was her easy route to not feel so bad for doing so, despite saying how bad she felt about it etc.. her problem in my view is, she has these past issues she never dealt with, so how can she get better if she does not see it as a issue? I am proud how I acted, i never once treated her badly, i acted as well as i could even after it, i sent her kid a gift for xmas as she was excited by it and i did not want to let her down, she was a lovely child who did no wrong. I wished her well with exams and everything. Not any more i could have done really. Guess rejection is hard, the feeling you were not good enough, they can dump you and carry on with life so easily.. we have not spoke or seen each other since then so almost 2 months now, i have no idea how well or bad she took it, she would never show anyone anyway she hides that stuff she said it herself, she sorts her head out and shows people her life is fine but she has a heart, so no idea how much it hurt or if it does now.. i never will know. I just know i did all i could and acted so well. I know i shouldnt contact her and i wont, dont think she will contact me either she is to stubborn but i imagine embarressed by her actions too.. i think one day she will, she did like me, she said i was a great guy, genuine and honest, but it may be many years down the line after another failed or two relationships.