am i paranoid or is he actually cheating on me

[ainsley1998]

My bf and I both have friends of oposite sex and its never been a problem but a few months ago this other girl came on the scene, no one actually knew her except from Joey, he said she was a girl who stayed near him when they were kids and then she moved away and he met her a few months ago on a night out and decided to keep in touch.

I have met her a few times when she has came to nights out with us and our friends and she clearly does not like me, I made an effort with her to begin with but we just didn't get on so I tried to not be in her company.

He lies about spending time with her and when I ask him about it he said its because I don't like her so he didn't want me giving him grief for seeing her. A few nights ago I was round his house and there was a packet of condoms with some missing that I know we didn't use, when I asked him he said he had used them to jerk off to save mess and he said that I'm paranoid. I have never ever not trusted him before but I think somethings going on with this girl but what if its not and I am just paranoid

[CuriousJane]

Hmmm... Well, definitely you don't have hard evidence to justify your suspicion... But if you feel there is something fishy and its not the first time you felt it, then trust your instinct, it could be true. But before you go and confront your bf, try to get at least 2 hard evidences such as phone messages, or get some info from your trusted sources if they have seen your bf hanging out with this girl during odd hours, late night or drinking with her without informing you.

[drleo]

if there is some thing going on, it will come out shortly

[lightstar]

I think you should trust your gut on this. He is lying, you can sense it and he is hiding stuff from you. Plus the fact hes resorted to name calling and blaming (your paranoid) when you try to bring it up is suspicious. He is being defensive for a reason.

And hanging out alone with her should be a deal breaker. It's okay to have friends of the opposite sex in group settings but there is a fine line which he is crossing.

This to me would be a deal breaker. I suspected an ex the same way and I let it go on for a few months coz I thought he was a nice guy that I could trust. Turns out my gut instinct was right and ill never make this mistake again.

[TheEvilJester]

As the others have said, you don't really have any actual proof or solid evidence to say that he is, in fact, cheating. However, I also agree that something is rotten in the state of Denmark. In other words, I have to admit that I would be thinking the same thing if I were you.

Personally, I consider it unacceptable that he thinks it is okay to lie to you at all. IF they are truly just friends, then he should have nothing to hide. The whole "I didn't tell you because I know you don't like her..." thing sounds like a BS excuse to me. Hell, to be honest, though.... let's pretend for a second he actually IS NOT cheating on you. Not with her, not with anybody....

Does that honestly make it okay that he felt the need to lie to you anyway? The very fact that he did something behind your back, KNOWING that it might upset you... to me, that's enough of an offense in and of itself. Granted, if she's his friend and he wants to hang out with her, that is fine. But, he should be up front and honest with you about that. If you have a problem with it, you have a right to feel that way. Then he'd need to decide whether his friendship with her is more important, or his relationship with you. On the other hand, if you were fine with him hanging out with her as long as he was up front about it, then you two could just agree to appropriate boundaries and there shouldn't be a problem.

Thing is, he never gave you the option to decide this with him. He just chose to see her behind your back. So, honestly, even if he's NOT cheating, I'm still not so sure he deserves to be let off the hook.

Though, as the others have said, I too would be thinking he probably is cheating. I'm not entirely sure how I would advise to deal with such a thing. It wouldn't exactly be right for you to specifically snoop. Then what if he actually WAS being honest? At the same time, though, you certainly should keep an eye out for signs. Honestly, cheaters always eventually screw up. If he is cheating, inevitably you probably will catch him red-handed. So, if nothing else, just be more vigilant and keep an eye out for any clues.

Good luck to you. I hope it turns out that your concerns do prove to be false. If not, I hope you care enough about yourself to get out of that situation. Either way, I hope very soon you find the fella you truly deserve.... whether that does wind up being him, or whether it winds up being somebody else.

[lightstar]

you have my permission to snoop �� I would if I suspected something. I would dig until I find the dirt. Others may disagree but I think you have good cause to at least read his texts