He's got a wandering eye - how do I keep the love alive?

[Fleecygurl]

My boyfriend seems increasingly interested in other girls lately. He tells me often about other girls hitting on him at work and he recently asked me if I want to have a threesome with a girl he invited out to a show (he's a DJ and invited her to perform as a hoopist). We've been together for two years and moved in together a few months ago. He's very loving and wonderful, tells me I'm beautiful almost daily - he's a real dreamboat. I would marry him and I haven't felt that way before!

Unfortunately however, I've noticed we're having sex less and less often. It seems to trade back and forth who's libido is waning (sometimes he rejects my interest, sometimes it's the other way around) but I'd have to say that he has been initiating sex less (though he still verbally expresses appreciation for my "sexy body")... I'm feeling increasingly suspicious and jealous where I never used to - I even read a text sent to him by another girl (same girl he wanted to have a threesome with) where he asked if she needed "a couch to crash on" before he'd asked me if it was ok... I know I shouldn't have done that and it's not my style (he handed me his phone to call mine when it was missing and I just got curious)... it's just that knowing that he was trying to set something up bothers me.

Why do I feel so insecure? He never gets jealous of me (that I can tell). I know he loves me, it's just hard to see him losing interest in me sexually. To be honest our sex life has become a bit boring (and I think that we're equally at fault for that). I know it's common for men at this stage. He seems to be less interested in spending time with me in general... when I come home from work he's just usually playing his video game and doesn't even look up. What should I do? I fear I'm becoming his little house-mate/wife instead of his lover.

[lightstar]

It is totally normal for the lust to fade after awhile. It is not normal though to try and set up threesomes with new colleagues and offer her your couch without even discussing it with his partner..

I dom't think the issue is sexual attraction or lust. The issue is him. If he has a "wandering eye" and is not satisfied with one woman than these issues will keep cropping up no matter how perfect you are or try to be.

I am with my partner a long time but I don't worry about these things coz hes into monogamy, believes in it and is happy that way. It's why we work so well coz that is what I want and need too. If your partner is into threesomes etc then I cannot see this relationship working unless you are okay with sharing him.

I am not into sharing and the day my partner asks me to share him (if ever) is the day we split up

[Fleecygurl]

Yes good answer, thank you! I think I need to face the reality that this won't go away. In truth part of me is interested in the idea of a threesome or being more open (in theory) but I don't know if I'm ready in practice - nor do I know if I ever will be. I go away on tour (I'm a musician) sometimes for up to two months and during those times I get a wandering eye myself! I think it's normal to think and fantasize about others even though we're deeply in love. I even called him once to ask him how he'd feel if I slept with another girl while I was away (because I was fantasizing about it) and he was fine with it but returned with an immediate "oh good I'm at a festival right now and there's another girl I'm interested in sleeping with... how would you feel about that?" I was thrown off guard! Here I was asking him about a theory and he was ready to test it out! We had been apart for a month and I wanted him to be happy while I couldn't be there for him so I said yes. I don't think he's in the wrong for bringing it up - we're pretty open with each other... I have never reacted with any kind of anger/jealousy when he mentions other girls but I have felt it. I had to do a lot of work internally to get past the fact that he slept with someone else but in the end I felt really good about it and our relationship continued to thrive afterwards (it's now a year later). The fact that he asked for my permission made all of the difference (even though I was uneasy that he was IN the situation when I brought it up)!

Hey I'm happy to feel a certain amount of freedom as long as when we're together we're good to each other and happy. His last girlfriend was poly and I've always been monogamous but I almost always find myself tempted by others at some point. I guess my ideals and my feelings are confused and I know how easily this could get messy. If it happens I want it to be on my terms with a lot of discussion and safety around it so that it doesn't create a rift between us and I still think it's risky. I guess on the other hand if I embrace it and it ruins things, maybe they were never meant to be (because as we already established, it may always be something he wants).