What is actually cheating?

[Texaz41]

My ex and I have been broken up for about 10 months. It just didn't work out. There were trust issues for sure. I wasn't feeling appreciated and for a small amount of time I was flirting with girls online on dating sites. It lasted about a month before I got caught. I had no intentions of meeting anyone and made sure the people I talked to lived in different cities and no where close to be able to travel and meet up. Yes, I was caught and it wasn't good. I had been considering ending the relationship and getting caught almost ended it, but she wanted to work on it.

It was hard for her to trust me after that but I really made effort to earn back her trust by giving her accesss to all my emails, phone, social media, etc. and I really wanted to make it work. So much so that after over a year after that happened I felt ready to propose, which I did. She said she was t ready yet and we moved on just dating. After a month, she said it wasn't going to work out. I was devastated.

Fast forward 3 months, she's moved out of town and was back to visit. She wanted to meet for drinks so I said sure. This is where I find out she wants to get back together. I was taken aback. She moved 7 hours away and left me. I had moved on. I wasn't ready to get back to her as I was still hurt by everything. She tried for months to get me back but I just couldn't do it.

Present day. She moved back to town and wanted to meet up. She wanted to make sure things wouldn't be weird because our town is small and we'd be running into each other in public. We talked, discussed our lives. Discussed maybe trying it again. I still wasn't sure. She said she needed to move on then. And then, she tells me that there's something very important that she left out.

She had an affair. Right before I proposed. She felt I wasn't giving her the attention she needed, and also felt that it would help her get over her trust issues with me. I never met/went out with/slept with anyone while with her. Just stupid flirtations online. She actually had sex with someone else, yet, she thinks that it's the same as what I did.

My question is, is it? Are these levels of "cheating" the same?

[Wakeup]

Of course they aren't the same. Common sense tells you that they are not. Just because she says they are the same to make herself look less like the C**T that she is, doesn't mean its the same.

Please do yourself a favor and just don't bother with her anymore, in any way. She's best left in the past. If you were the right match for one another then neither of you would be letting down romantic relationship boundaries on each other. Or... if you found that you were tempted, the least you would have done is try and fix what it was you both were missing within your relationship. Neither of you did that... you just acted on impulse.

I'm sure there isn't one person in the world that would agree that it's the same level of betrayal... although they WERE both a form of betrayal.

[amj1979]

Both of you opted for a type of cheating instead of confronting the actual issues within the relationship. However...flirting with girls in different states is COMPLETELY different from actually getting intimate with another person. No form of cheating is appropriate, but there is no way to say so-called "emotional cheating" is equal to sleeping with someone. Also, some advice as a person who was in a very toxic relationship due to my ex's completely unfounded trust issues. It is extremely hard to come back from that. I also gave my ex access to everything in my life at any time. That type of dynamic absolutely kills the romance in any relationship and is all about one person controlling the other. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but you did the right thing moving on.

[topazlight]

Both are disrespectful to partners, obviously actually having sex with another not your partner is much worse but it seems she felt you might have cheated or were about to cheat so maybe to keep up, or get back at you in her own way she decided and yes it's a decision, to cheat herself. She wanted to cheat. You are better off not being in a relationship with each other.

[myers5061]

Both things are considered cheating. Sure, you cheated on different levels, but still. Just move on and don't make mistakes again.

[sabaazam]

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