Asking for This and That

[mikumiku]

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year going on 2 years now. But here's one of things that gets to me. When him and I hang out he comes out and asks me

"Can I have a hug?"

OR we will be talking and he will go and ask me "Can you tell me how you feel about me, I need to feel validated and know how you feel about me."

To me, I have never been with a guy that would ask me this stuff. When I am with someone you show each other affection, and ways that you care and love someone. You should know how you feel about that person, and they should know it too, how you feel about them.

You shouldn't have to tell them when they ask you. They should already know. Any of you ever date or been in a relationship with someone that would always ask you stuff like this?

[pcmaster]

Maybe thats who he really is. Have you told him at all how you feel about him? For me it would be important to hear.

[breathe123]

Hearing I love you matters though, so if he needs to hear it from you more & you actually do love him, why not say it without him asking for it if that's all he needs to feel happier.

[myers5061]

I already mentioned this in another post, and I'll mention it again. Check out a post on Nexus Date blog called 'The Most Popular Relationship Problems And How To Solve Them'. It can be pretty helpful for you, if you find this kind of behavior confusing.

[mikumiku]

Him and I have been fighting a lot lately so its hard to express ourselves without fighting.

[melancholia]

It's clear that your partner needs verbal validation to feel secure in this relationship, and he is asking for it - literally. It is important to show affection to your partner so they can feel secure in knowing that you care about them and want to be with them. Some people don't put as much emphasis on verbal validation as they may place on actions of love. It is important to listen to your partner when they tell you what they need from you, and if you are capable of giving it to them, then you should. Being with someone shouldn't be challenging, it should be uplifting, exciting, and special. You both deserve to be happy, and if you want to be happy together, you're going to have to respect each other's needs at all times. If it's difficult for you to give your partner the affection he needs, then maybe you two should take a step back from the relationship and re-evaluate the relationship and decide if it's worth it to stay together.

[mikumiku]

Him and I have talked about these things countless times again and again and all we do is fight. We both want to stay together and don't want to loose each other but yet all we do is fight. To me, having to ask me to verbally tell you how I feel just feels weird. I have dated a lot of guys over the years and not one has ever asked me to verbally tell them how I feel. All those others just knew how I felt. I showed them how I felt about them.

Besides that one of my friends is engaged to her man with a baby, and her man NEVER tells her, I love you. Because she knows he loves her and shows her in different ways.

[melancholia]

How did those previous relationships work out for you? Stop comparing your current relationships to the relationships of other people, and stop comparing your current boyfriend to your previous boyfriends. He is not the same as they are, therefore his needs are different than theirs. He is blatantly telling you what he needs from you, which is something so many people wish their partner would articulate more, and here you are complaining about it instead of doing something about it. If you and your boyfriend want to stay together, then you are going to have to compromise. If you want this relationship to be successful, you need to bend a little. He also needs to do the same for you, so maybe you two can come to a compromise together. You should talk to him about how you feel. Using "I feel" statements. Explain to him what you want and need from him in order to feel secure and happy in your relationship. Then ask him what he needs from you. And then DO IT. Stop complaining to strangers on the internet, and start enjoying yourself and your relationship. If your boyfriend needs to hear you tell him how you feel about him, why the hell wouldn't you do it? Doesn't it feel nice when the person you love tells you how much they love you, and how happy they are to be with you? Why wouldn't you want your boyfriend to feel good about that?

Who cares what other friends of yours say or do with their partner, it doesn't matter. You are not living their relationship, they are. Who cares what your previous boyfriends did, or didn't do, while you were together? They aren't with you now, so stop comparing the past with your present relationship. If your current issues in your relationship are insurmountable for you to overcome, and if you and your boyfriend cannot give each other what you need, then maybe it's time to sit down and re-evaluate your relationship. Maybe this isn't the relationship you both need, even though it may be the one you want right now. Being with another person means giving them what they need, and if neither of you can do that, this relationship won't survive.

[basilandthyme]

Him and I have talked about these things countless times again and again and all we do is fight. We both want to stay together and don't want to loose each other but yet all we do is fight. To me, having to ask me to verbally tell you how I feel just feels weird. I have dated a lot of guys over the years and not one has ever asked me to verbally tell them how I feel. All those others just knew how I felt. I showed them how I felt about them.

Besides that one of my friends is engaged to her man with a baby, and her man NEVER tells her, I love you. Because she knows he loves her and shows her in different ways.

If the two of you are constantly fighting, it stands to reason that he feels insecure in the relationship. Frequent fighting is a very big sign of incompatibility. Also, when the two of you fight, do you ever say hurtful things which would make him doubt that you love him?

Have you considered that if the things you fight about get solved, then he will be more secure? What kind of things are you fighting over and why have they not been solved to date?

Your relationship should not be compared to that of your friend and her partner. They are not you and him.

[mikumiku]

How did those previous relationships work out for you? Stop comparing your current relationships to the relationships of other people, and stop comparing your current boyfriend to your previous boyfriends. He is not the same as they are, therefore his needs are different than theirs. He is blatantly telling you what he needs from you, which is something so many people wish their partner would articulate more, and here you are complaining about it instead of doing something about it. If you and your boyfriend want to stay together, then you are going to have to compromise. If you want this relationship to be successful, you need to bend a little. He also needs to do the same for you, so maybe you two can come to a compromise together. You should talk to him about how you feel. Using "I feel" statements. Explain to him what you want and need from him in order to feel secure and happy in your relationship. Then ask him what he needs from you. And then DO IT. Stop complaining to strangers on the internet, and start enjoying yourself and your relationship. If your boyfriend needs to hear you tell him how you feel about him, why the hell wouldn't you do it? Doesn't it feel nice when the person you love tells you how much they love you, and how happy they are to be with you? Why wouldn't you want your boyfriend to feel good about that?

Who cares what other friends of yours say or do with their partner, it doesn't matter. You are not living their relationship, they are. Who cares what your previous boyfriends did, or didn't do, while you were together? They aren't with you now, so stop comparing the past with your present relationship. If your current issues in your relationship are insurmountable for you to overcome, and if you and your boyfriend cannot give each other what you need, then maybe it's time to sit down and re-evaluate your relationship. Maybe this isn't the relationship you both need, even though it may be the one you want right now. Being with another person means giving them what they need, and if neither of you can do that, this relationship won't survive.

I don't know what I want and need from him. I love it when he tells me he loves me and cares about me. But when he asks me to do it, and just doesn't say it to me, lime he says it to me, I don't like it. I don't like being asked to do something I don't want to do. Let me tell you how I feel in my own ways.

Him and I have been re-evaluating our relationship for a long time. All we do nowadays is fight!

- - - Updated - - -

If the two of you are constantly fighting, it stands to reason that he feels insecure in the relationship. Frequent fighting is a very big sign of incompatibility. Also, when the two of you fight, do you ever say hurtful things which would make him doubt that you love him?

Have you considered that if the things you fight about get solved, then he will be more secure? What kind of things are you fighting over and why have they not been solved to date?

Your relationship should not be compared to that of your friend and her partner. They are not you and him.

When we fight, both of us say hurtful things to one another. I don't know if those things would make him feel doubtful about me love for him.

We fight because of how I behave. He doesn't like it when I yell and scream at him, calling him names, putting him down, he doesn't want to deal with that side of me, so he rather hang up the phone and not talk to me until I calm down. I don't like it when he hangs up and refuses to talk to me, that hurts me. Me yelling, screaming, putting him down, etc. Hurts me.

We fight because I hate the way I act and he doesn't like it either. But I act this way because again he hurts me. Like him and I were suppose to go to a concert this past weekend and because of how I was acting he didn't want to go because of me and my behavior. That hurts because concerts are my life and I love them and to not be able to go to them hurts me, and then to not be able to go because of how I acted hurts me too.

Him and I fighting every single day, hurts me. He doesn't like the tone of voice I give out when we talk because he says I right away yell and scream and he doesn't like it so he rather leave me alone.

[pcmaster]

Words of affirmation is one of 5 love languages. To some people one love language is more important than others. There are as well languages like Acts of service, Receiving gifts, Quality time, Physical touch.
You and your partner can also do free test to find what love languages is more important to you.

[url=http://www.5lovelanguages.com]Home | The 5 Love Languages® | Improving Millions of Relationships… One Language at a Time.[/url]
5lovelanguages.com

[mikumiku]

Oh I see what you mean, how interesting.