dating game

[Tedy]

Hey there,

I would like to share my recent experience about dating a guy, hoping to hear your opinions about this and also maybe some other people can learn from my experience.
The story goes like this. Pretty classical actually.
I met a guy at a party, we had an interesting conversation, we exchanged phone numbers, he contacted me, we met couple of times. From the beginning it happened that I was quite busy with work at this time and had to postpone our dates several times, but always explaining my reasons and showing my interest to meet again.
We had sex only once and that was also the last time we met. I told him that I will be busy with work (important deadline) for about a week. He mentioned the party of a friend and I told him I would like to go. He canceled the invitation in the last moment, saying that he feels sick. I felt this attitude was strange.
He was ill for couple of days, so we could not meet. Immediately after that he went to visit his parents for a week. He said he hopes to meet when he is back and we keep in touch on the phone. He called me several times. I told him I will not be available next weekend because I had a trip planned.
He started to show less interest in talking to me and took long time to reply to messages, about 7-8 hours. I got angry and I replied to his last message two days later, telling him I am back from my trip. He wrote back also two days later, saying he forgot to answer my message, that he is busy and let me know when he is free. I did not answer. He never called back.
Well… I did not play hard to get, when I said I was busy I really was. And I really liked this guy. I never understood if he simply met someone else, lost his interest or got angry and thought I was playing… My conclusion is that life happens when we are busy working. And also that ego does not do any good to relationships.

What do you think? Thanks a lot for your opinions.

[morrowrd]

I'm betting he's thinking the same thing you are. Communication is the key here, you probably both like each other and some alone time talking, having fun should take care of things. This is an easy fix I think.

[drleo]

You completely turned him off even if it was me i would have done the same, show less interest

[Tedy]

Thank you for your replies. Any advice if there is anything I could do now?

[drleo]

Go for him, explain to him what happened and how you willing to change, have some time for him, all you can do now is to be a available for him

[smarta$$]

He probably just lost interest. Relationships cannot be built without time being spent together.

[melancholia]

He pulled the slow-fade because he lost interest. When you tell someone that you are "too busy", it translates to, "you're not as important". I understand everyone leads a busy life, but you will make time for people you want to make time for. Consider it a loss and move on. You're better off being with someone else.

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree with a lot of what the others have said. You were very busy.... because you were ACTUALLY very busy. Unfortunately, he apparently interpreted this as you were "very busy" because you weren't really that interested in him. When it comes right down to it, maybe the amount of time you had to commit to a relationship just didn't feel enough to him. That doesn't make you wrong, that doesn't make him wrong. It just is what it is. As long as you weren't intentionally jerking him around, you had done nothing wrong.

He could have been an adult and just explained that to you rather than choosing to just fade away, but some people find that kind of brutal honesty difficult. Is it possible you could put things back on track? Maybe, maybe not. If you wanted to give it a shot, then no harm in just explaining that to him. Something like "Look, I know we kind of got off on the wrong foot. I know I kept being busy and I realize how that may seem, but the truth is I am just legitimately that busy. It's not that I don't prioritize dating, it's that I also have to prioritize work. If that isn't enough for you, I'd understand, but if you feel like you can be okay with that, I'd like to give it a try."

IF you do decide to go for another shot, as others have said, it is about open communication. Both from you and from him. If he's upset because he feels you cancel too much, he should say that, not just passive-aggressively start cancelling back. It sounds like, from what you said, you did have to cancel quite a few times.... BUT you always made it clear that you were still interested in rescheduling. It would be one thing if you kept cancelling and then claimed you'd reschedule, but that never happened.

When it comes down to it, though, if your situations just don't mesh well then it may just be an excuse to cut your losses and date elsewhere. Good luck to you either way.