I think I'm going to lose my mind!

[independent]

I thought I'd start a new thread for this, since it's a separate issue ([URL=http://www.loveforum.net/t9742-living-together-is-not-working-for-me.html]original thread here[/URL]). Basically we are currently living together, I'm not happy... and I've asked him to move out (which is not happening all too quickly).

Anyway, I feel like a yo-yo on steroids. My emotions are running haywire and I am really having a hard time dealing with it all. I feel sick, then I feel sad and tired, then I feel angry and frustrated... then I even feel heartsick.

How can you love somebody so much, and be so unhappy? *sigh*

I'm trying very hard to just maintain. I dont want to scream in his face, and then call him after he leaves and say "hey, how are ya?". I dont want to come on to him, and then afterwards walk away and seem cold and distant.

Mostly I am trying to just keep busy. Work, cleaning house, kids, whatever I can get into. It's hard. I love him, and maybe after 2 years together there is something invisible or unspoken there too.

But at the same time I am very angry and hurt... and I realize that he doesnt treat me right. So I have to rationalize all of this. It doesnt make sense to stay together (or at least live together)... and it hurts to break up - or whatever it is we are doing.

Blah. That's insane isnt it?

[whaywardj]

No. It's taking off too large a bite of the issues at once. And being conflicted over them.

You seemed to do very well itemizing your concerns about him in your other post. Do the same for yourself now. Let a day, or night, or 24 hours pass before you do, though. Set it ALL aside and avoid any stress-producing situations for that time. Just to get some distance from the emotionalism.

Then find some quiet time alone and think about it all, one matter at a time. Prioritize the issues in the order of their urgency. Reach a decision on one issue you can stick to, then move on to considering the next one. You don't have to "complete" your thoughts on any one issue. They're not going anywhere until they're resolved, so you can always come back to them later.

Do that for as long as you have energy for it, then let it ALL go again and do -- in their proper order -- the things you need to resolve the one or two issues (or simple questions) about which you've reached decisions (or have found answers to). Then do it all over again until they've all gone away, one step at a time.

You might begin with the question you posed in your post: "How can you love somebody so much, and be so unhappy?" The answer, of course, is: You can't. Somewhere in the mix of you, two or more disparate feelings haven't found a way to co-exist. Such must be found, or one or another feeling must go. Or you must accept your present state-of-mind as your baseline state-of-being. The are no other choices.

If you believe there's still room in you to invite him to this processing of yourself, do so. How he responds to the invitation and how he performs the work of being with you in this work will tell you volumes of what you need to know. Most importantly, whether there's any virtue in holding onto to hope and, possibly, why you do.

Should you find something has changed, and he seems receptive, and you each want to try and salvage yourselves, don't give him any tasks he can't accomplish. Go some from small, easy tasks to more difficult ones, commensurate with his capacity to cope with them. Do the same for yourself.