Met a very nice waitress, i really like her and i think it could be mutual. Advice?

[Moonwalker1982]

So i went to a restaurant with my mom this evening for her birthday and we had a great time. A young lady there, a waitress brought us our food and that was that. As soon as i saw here i thought to myself..''damn, that's a nice lady.'' While we were eating i noticed that she glanced at me a few times while she was just waiting for customers. And when i paid for the food and we left, she said ''goodbye'' in a certain way. Of course it could all be in my head and that it's nothing, but i have a feeling the interest was mutual. Let's just call it that.

It's a fantastic place and definitely not too pricey, so i am gonna go there more often for a full meal or a quick bite. Let's say i see her again next time....what is a good way to break the ice? I am absolutely ****ing terrible at small talk, i don't like it, but then who does? I just never really know what to say. My intention is to basically ask her out for a drink, but i can't just do that out of the blue. Chances are she won't even recognize me next time, so i have to say something, do something that no other regular customer would do. I just need some advice, never hurts to get some advice.

A friend of mine who is absolutely not shy in any way and VERY good with women, he would just say she's a damn fine lady and he'd like to get to know her better. But i definitely believe that it's important how you say things, and some things should just not be said if you know you're going to fail.

[Riflediva86]

Well I'm a server, and we always have to be nice to everyone that comes in.. Although I have seen some guys that I thought were cute and I look at them too! But, being that is is my job, I can't say anything to anyone that isn't job related. So you would definitely have to take the first step. Just don't be afraid and tell her you think she is beautiful and if it's ok to get her number and take her out. Or tell her you can give her your number so she doesn't feel threatened by you. And if she does call/text you, then you know it's mutual. Good luck!

[Moonwalker1982]

Hmmmm...so in your opinion i should directly ask her out? Because i've spoken with some other servers and they said that it's basically a general rule that you simply don't ask a waitress out like that. They don't like to be put on the spot like that, while they have to stay professional because they are doing their job. I do however believe that everyone is different and who knows..maybe this lady likes to be asked out like that. After i have paid the money for the food and leaving a tip too, i could tell her ''hey it was nice to see you again, i was wondering if i could give you my number. Because i'd like to buy you a drink sometime.'' But according to the other servers i talked to, this will only make one uncomfortable. If that's the case, instead of asking her out, i could say it was nice to say her and then slip her a note or written on a napkin a invitation with my number.

[TheEvilJester]

I will start off by saying this.... she's a waitress. So it is part of her job to be nice to the customer. So, based just on the interaction you had with her while you were there, I would not jump to the conclusion that there was any mutual interest. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there definitely wasn't. There could have been. It's not like you cease to be a human being while you are at work. Even though she is a waitress, she would still find some people attractive, and might sometimes find customers attractive.

So, it could be entirely possible there was mutual interest, it's just that, if I were you, I'd just assume it was just her doing her job. That said, that doesn't mean you can't chat her up and even ask her out if you are interested. Honestly, I don't think there is anything wrong with the direct approach, with just asking her out.....

However, it doesn't sound like you feel comfortable with that approach. Believe me, I am the same way. I am NOT at all the type to just go up to a woman I find attractive and ask her out. It just feels too icky to me like it makes me look like one of "those guys" who just hits on anything that moves. Nothing could be further from the truth for me. So, like you, I prefer to at least talk a little first to at least get a feel for if this particular woman seems to enjoy my company. ....Unfortunately I am too ridiculously shy even for that... but that's my burden.

In your case, if you feel comfortable with it, just chat with her a little. Honestly, WHAT you talk about really doesn't matter. (You know... within reason. LOL!) Just chat. Maybe ask her a little about her. Remember, also, that she is at work. You can't necessarily gab her ear off for long, but you can ask her a few questions about her. Then, maybe right before you leave just grab her and say something like "Hey, it was really nice talking to you. I'd actually enjoy getting together outside of the restaurant if you'd like that." Then either ask for her number or give her yours (I'm not really sure which you are supposed to do these days.)

Though, if you do have friends who are servers, they can probably offer you more advice as to how to approach it. Good luck to you!

[Moonwalker1982]

I will start off by saying this.... she's a waitress. So it is part of her job to be nice to the customer. So, based just on the interaction you had with her while you were there, I would not jump to the conclusion that there was any mutual interest. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there definitely wasn't. There could have been. It's not like you cease to be a human being while you are at work. Even though she is a waitress, she would still find some people attractive, and might sometimes find customers attractive.

So, it could be entirely possible there was mutual interest, it's just that, if I were you, I'd just assume it was just her doing her job. That said, that doesn't mean you can't chat her up and even ask her out if you are interested. Honestly, I don't think there is anything wrong with the direct approach, with just asking her out.....

However, it doesn't sound like you feel comfortable with that approach. Believe me, I am the same way. I am NOT at all the type to just go up to a woman I find attractive and ask her out. It just feels too icky to me like it makes me look like one of "those guys" who just hits on anything that moves. Nothing could be further from the truth for me. So, like you, I prefer to at least talk a little first to at least get a feel for if this particular woman seems to enjoy my company. ....Unfortunately I am too ridiculously shy even for that... but that's my burden.

In your case, if you feel comfortable with it, just chat with her a little. Honestly, WHAT you talk about really doesn't matter. (You know... within reason. LOL!) Just chat. Maybe ask her a little about her. Remember, also, that she is at work. You can't necessarily gab her ear off for long, but you can ask her a few questions about her. Then, maybe right before you leave just grab her and say something like "Hey, it was really nice talking to you. I'd actually enjoy getting together outside of the restaurant if you'd like that." Then either ask for her number or give her yours (I'm not really sure which you are supposed to do these days.)

Though, if you do have friends who are servers, they can probably offer you more advice as to how to approach it. Good luck to you!

Thanks for the reply man. Yeah i am very much like you in those regards too then, including the shy part. I also always never know what to say, so i keep things brief. When you said i could ask her a few questions about herself. What kind of questions would those be? See, i am bad at it. Even the most simplest of things and i can't really come up with it. But i am trying to improve myself in those regards. I could try to make a joke, something like..''can i bring my dog next time?, man she can eat and she'd be a great customer for you. '' after i have finished my meal and she comes to pick the plates and asks if the meal was good. Asking her opinion of a certain meal is definitely a good idea too.

Compliments are never bad as well, but they should be genuine. But maybe telling her it's nice that she's serving me again or that's it nice to see her again, i believe there;s nothing wrong with that. I just need to pick the right time for that though, rather not have any customers hearing that and i think she won't like that either. I agree with you that after talking to her and it feels...ok i guess, i can just basically tell her that the little chat was nice and that i'd like to do this over again and have a drink sometime.

[TheEvilJester]

God, you sound so much like me. LOL! I feel for you, my twin brother from another mother. I wish I could give you ideas of specifically what to ask her/talk to her about. The thing is, I ponder the same thing myself when I am interested in a gal. I never really know what to say.... but I know that I'm not Mr. Smooth Don Juan Romeo Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson Bradley Cooper who can just go up to a gal and break into a conversation like nothing. I know I have to have SOME idea what to say or I'll just look like an idiot. Without SOME plan of what to say, it would basically be

Me: "Hi. I'm The Evil Jester."

Her: Hi. I'm <insert girl's name here>

(Long awkward pause)

Me: .....Umm... okay bye. (Runs away looking like an idjit)

Well, obviously I would say my actual name instead of "The Evil Jester" or that would probably already be a pretty bad start... but you get my drift. LOL!

The truth is, though, (and if only I could just get myself to follow my own damn advice) it really doesn't matter what you say. You could ask her how long she's worked there. Ask her if she knows the area well because you are looking for something fun to do after you leave the restaurant. You could even just take a stab in the dark and hope she has the same interests as you. Just as one example, you could ask her if she's seen the season finale of The Walking Dead (assuming you have/like that show). If she turns out not to like the show, then she'd just say that. If it turns out she does like it, maybe that would be a good conversation starter. Whatever you DO talk about, if she seems interested enough and talks with you enough, it may lead you to think of other questions/topics. Just like any other conversation. In fact, that is a good way to think of having a conversation with somebody you are interested in asking out. Just think of it like having a conversation with anybody else.

Those are just thoughts off the top of my head. Hopefully some folks from the board who actually know what they are talking about can offer some other thoughts. LOL! I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I never really know what to say, but know that I need to have some idea what to say or I won't do well.

Good luck to you. Really, just go for it. You gotta be in it to win it, as they say.

[pcmaster]

Man I could just say that nothing will help you until you become confident - being able do and say what you want. You can become so by breaking out of your cage - in society you have always put yourself under certain rules like what you allow yourself to do and such. First of all you have to accept yourself who you are, be comfortable in your own skin 100%.
Also you should stop care what other people think of you. You do that by doing something unnusual in crowded place. Do something out of ordinary and you will see that its not the end of the world and no one really cares cause everyone is busy with themselves. And after that you should be feeling more freedom with girls.
Also dont be afraid to fail. You see its not that much about what you say but about how you say it - the subcommunication, the energy you put behind your words. Of course its important who you are too. Cause no matter what you say who you are will reflect in your words.

Theres no price to pay when you give what you take.

You got all the skill you need
Individuality
You got something
Call it gumption call it anything you want