Moving to dallas

[Jimbo917]

Hello! I want to start by setting the background of the issue. I'm a 30 year old nurse and my girlfriend of 7 years is 26. We have never lived together partially because I was living at home with parents while attending nursing school. We have now decided to live together but I don't want to live in expensive San Diego anymore and I want to move to Dallas to a- gain employment b- buy a more affordable house c- add another life experience. She's a little skeptical of moving to Dallas because she won't know anyone there and it will be a whole new environment. I won't know anyone there so with a little convincing of my cousin he has decided he would like to join me on a move to Dallas. Me and my cousin have been butt buddies since conception and as naive kids used to talk about living together and how awesome it would be. My girlfriend was a lot more on board with moving until I told her about my cousin also tagging along. Now we are arguing and she is drawing a strict line that her and I move in together by ourselves only. She doesn't seem to mind whether it be in San Diego or Dallas, she just wants her and I moved in together. Now my logic behind my cousin moving with me to Dallas besides childhood dreams is that he can be that one support system me and my girlfriend could rely on if there were ever to be an emergency. I have communicated this with her but she seems to think that if we have arguments or anything she will be left alone and I will have my cousin to back me up. Now my question is am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable with expectations for moving to Dallas? I really would like a girls opinion and hopefully someone who's been in a similar situation. I honestly thought that she would be happy that we would finally be moving in together. It seems like she has it in her mind that me and my cousin will turn her to the 3rd wheel. I honestly thought that it would be my cousin who would be delegated the 3rd wheel. But I would really appreciate any advice or anyone who has had a similar experience what your thoughts are on the issue. THANK YOU!

[melancholia]

It sounds like she is happy to move in with you, and while she may be skeptical of such a big move, she did say she didn't care where you live as long as you live together. But suddenly you tell her that your cousin is moving in with both of you and you expect her to think that's awesome? You completely made that decision without her. You didn't even ask her if she was cool with the idea, you blatantly told her that was the new game plan. You said he would be the third wheel, but it honestly sounds more like your girlfriend would take on the third wheel role, and it sounds like she senses that as well. Anyone in their right mind would be annoyed by that. I can see where you're coming from in the reason why you want him to join you. Having a support system in new environment can make the transition a lot easier; however, your big mistake was that you decided this without talking to your girlfriend first. A big lesson to learn when you want to take the next step in your relationship and live together, means you need to talk about everything and make decisions together, especially if they are going to affect the other person.

[billfever]

This is a big move and would cause stress to anyone. I used to live in San Diego and moving to Dallas is going to be a big change so it's normal to be apprehensive. I think Melancholia made a good point. Having somebody else come with you is a big deal and she needs to be part of that decision. It's going to be different living together as it is but if you throw someone else into it there will be additional stress. I was in a similar situation and it didn't end well. Did nothing but cause stress between me and my ex-wife. The priority is you and her, focus on that.