Nervous About Next Saturday

[Jonathan1990]

Ok I will try to keep this simple. In April they fenced off the front of the apartment I live in all to stop cars coming in. After the managers told me the fence was there forever I got so fed up with my life I joined a dating site with the hope that a nice lady would make me happier. I thought this wouldn't happen but I was very surprised that I got hooked up with this single mom 14 miles away within hours. Throughout May we exchanged numbers and started texting. She then wanted a Saturday to meet me as it is weekend when her kids are with their Dad (her ex). An organization I can't mention online do a monthly swim this Saturday and when I told her about it she told me she'd be coming to meet me. Her best friend is also part of the group I go swimming with and the pool is right in her town which tempered her. Now I have mixed emotions of nerve and excitement knowing she may turn up Saturday. I feel that I'm at fault for this for getting over emotional. Sometimes online dating works but other times it can turn into a nightmare as I have been told. What should I do?

[Kates David]

"Which tempered her"? - What does that mean? - She lost her temper because you go swimming with her friend? Then, because of her loosing her temper you are frightened to meet with her? Is this what you are saying?

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I have to admit I too am a little lost as to what you are asking. I want to help, but I'm not sure I'm getting the gist of your story. Did she get upset with you about something? If so, about what? Any further details you can/are willing to offer might help us better understand and better give our thoughts and advice.

[Jonathan1990]

Yeah, I have to admit I too am a little lost as to what you are asking. I want to help, but I'm not sure I'm getting the gist of your story. Did she get upset with you about something? If so, about what? Any further details you can/are willing to offer might help us better understand and better give our thoughts and advice.

We are planning to meet this coming Saturday and I feel very nervous about it and struggling to get though the week about the thought. Last Saturday night she sent me a text message saying she will be there at the monthly swimming event. For an update she has hardly text me since. Although I don't remember, her best friend has known of me in the past and I'm afraid she might be passing my negative stuff onto her such as the fact that I have special needs. Hope that explains the situation more. I will update Saturday night with the results.

[Kates David]

Ok, you are supposed to kind of take it in turns. She`s suggested to the two of you meeting up there. Now, ideally, you text her back with some light conversation. Nothing heavy, forget she is female, and chat with her as your friend. You should find this medium of texting to be easier than face to face, and so it is good preparation for when the two of you are together. There is no great responsibility being placed on your shoulders, the two of you are simply trying to make it as friends. Then, as friends, as good friends at least, you`ll have all of her support, and in return for making her feel good about herself. Special needs is okay once she is experiencing you as being special. All that you are being asked to do is to take with you your personality, to show delight in this person, and in all of her interests. Of course to swim with her too. It is not a test, just you and her.

[Jonathan1990]

Just doing an update of this issue as I did actually meet her. This morning she was texting me saying that we should meet somewhere else as she was too nervous for swimming. We decided to meet outside this railway station for 30 minutes while she was on a break from work. She did turn up and began to walk towards me but within meters she started to freak out and I had to back off to avoid any trouble. After that she told me that she was feeling hurt that she couldn't talk up close and that she was so near to doing it. I have hardly ate all day in emotion.

[Kates David]

When she was walking towards you what were you doing? - You should have been smiling, and walking towards her. This is all just a little hard to believe though. Why would she find a railway station easy? Well, perhaps she did n`t after all. What did she say, and what did you say to console her? You need to apologize to this girl, and on her terms, and you need to inform her of everything going about yourself. You need to do this right now. The environment between the two of you will only cause you both anxiety for as long as you keep parts of yourself to yourself. The situation now is most urgent. Far less emotion, and far more positive action is required from you before it is finally curtains. Should she read this emotion, under the present circumstances of the two of you, it will in all probability freak her again. Perhaps it just did? Perhaps, just perhaps, she is very easily freaked. Forget that she is female, she is your friend, your objective is to console/make to feel comfortable, nothing besides. If it`s already too late you`ll have to accept it without a time delay, and be prepared to spontaneously step back. If you want me to speak to this girl on your behalf this might help your cause, no promises though. The chances of her wishing to come here are quite slim. If you are simply unable to open up to her with your feelings, and to convey whom you are beneath the surface of you, this place is currently a very good alternative.

[hBetty]

i bet she's thinking/ talking about it to her friend , with her hands over the sides of her head or her hands covering her face and she's like "omg! what was i thinking..he's not that into me like m into him..now that i think about it i was the one who suggested we should meet ,even though he agreed ,he didnt really keep in touch after that...and when i went to see him today at the rail station..i couldn't really tell by the look on his face what he was thinking...maybe i wasn't what he expected ....maybe i seem weird to him" and so on...
& so now its all up to you : apologize...be charming ask her out again ..etc etc. hope this helps...and good luck

[Kates David]

Certainly, she would be more than a little on edge if she is n`t even sure whether you fancy her. I do n`t think you`ve made any indication in that direction? It would be interesting to know what the fascination is for her in you. Perhaps it is predominantly physical, and the rest she has been making up. It may well already be too late to plug that gap. With only the very little information about you that I have, I`d suggest that you do n`t take it too personally, perhaps not even personally at all, for she appears to be over reacting. She already knew that you`d likely not be overly responsive towards her, so her behavior at the train station caries a question mark by way it even being normal. Is it possible that it was a prank?

[red romeo]

go have fun dont give a damn weather she shows up or not because how can you miss what youve havent had
if the plan doesnt work out look up local stores librays parks go have a blast and if shes there great and if shes not great (: see man still works doesnt it

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you might want to make your plan b before you get there or you'll be wondering what to do plus you could turn it into a date if all go's well at the pool or where ever you meet next if you meet again weather it be this women or another always have a plan b to go have fun

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plus its easier to have an interaction like this if you know something great that you set up for yourself is waiting like maaaan this sucks **** this pizza and putt putt later lady
or just say given your last reaction im willing to try and meet you once more in insert place (where you made plans for yourself ) as it didnt go very well

[TheEvilJester]

...I don't know if I'm misunderstanding your story or if this craziness is actually what happened. So, let me just clarify that I am understanding, because the way your latest updated sounded to me is this....

You two set up a date...... then while walking toward you, she freaks out and leaves. I mean.... were you covered in blood or something? Because... you know, I've found out the hard way that doesn't work so well on dates. :-P (Kidding, of course.)

I mean, are you seriously saying that she was walking toward you, then freaks out and has to leave?! Honest to God, if that is what actually happened then my advice to you would be to RUN THE HELL AWAY from this woman. DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200! If that is honestly what happened, she sounds like a nut. Honestly, if she has extreme social anxiety, I can understand that. I feel sorry for her if that is the case and hope she gets the help she needs. Thing is, she needs to get that help before she tries to get into a relationship, not expect a boyfriend who is going to understand when she runs from them like they are a freaking serial killer.

Maybe I misunderstood your story, but that is how it read to me. So, please correct me if I am wrong.

[Kates David]

Yes, it certainly may have been an anxiety attack.