What's up with this guy? Any insight?

[RipleyEffect]

Hello, i'm new here, i've been trying to find a place to post, so i can get it off my chest, and find some sense and came across this one, please read the following, IS a long read but is interesting or in the very least amusing, i hope. Thank you in advance

there's this guy at work that I’ve known (well, knew he was around, and occasionally said hi, he works in the same department as my brother),
Anyway, since last year we have to deal with them on a daily basis, to help them with whatever they need, he was usually very um..well, rude and serious, me and my co-worker and friends, started to get fed up with his attitude, so one time she called him out on it, and from then on, he started to change a bit, he became nicer and asked for things with a “please, and thank you”, sometime later, when he kind of allowed us to, we started to joke with him like “you say hello, good morning, before asking for stuff” he’d laugh and all normal, then joking more more in a light way, just to make conversation and such, he opened up a bit more, I noticed that specially to my friend, but clearly not in “I’m interested in her” kind of way, but rather friendly like he is with all the girls of the company, but with me he was quiet, like he jokes around with all the girls, is quite social, and such but with me….as soon as I’d walk in the room, he’d be quiet, or just be there.

One time I had to go to his and my brother’s department, and I said hello to everyone, and he said hello in a way to respond to my jokes I’d made with him, but brother thought he was trying to get smart with me, and said a loud “Hey!” as a warning, and I was super embarrassed, all I managed to say was, “hey, relax!” and that was it.


During the annual party my company had, once he had the chance he went and sat next to me, and talked to me, he was trying to get to know me, everything was fine (one time my friend and I were talking about him, and she told me, he had told her why he was rude before, turns out he was bitter with life because of a horrible relationship he had ended).


As time went on, I started to get the vibe he liked me, and frankly, I started to feel attracted towards him too, my 2 friends at work started pushing the idea of him and me, I said no because I didn’t want them to make a fuss or make it obvious, (although it became obvious to them I liked him too) but when the opportunity arose to be alone with him, I flirted, he sometimes would look at me discretely when he thought I wasn’t looking, sometimes he’d forget, I assume, he was looking at me, and just stare and stare, then stop, sometimes he would joke around with me, with or without my brother present, he’d also have kind attentions with me, like one time I couldn’t find my brother and he helped me find him, even though he was just about to leave, or wait for me at the supermarket when I went to buy snacks, and other stuff, he started to want to say hello to me with a kiss on the cheek, or try and hug me, or simply touching my back, sometimes he did it with confidence, other seemed like he was afraid, even though I was always receptive, like I never gave him any negatives signs when he did it, to make him wanna stop.

Then got odd, he started saying hello but without trying to get such proximity, so much so that he made me feel like he was afraid of me or something, he’d just kind of waved; one time I called him out on it and he didn’t know what to respond, it started to feel like he was going back and forth with me, like he couldn’t make up his mind, anyway I kept on being the same with him though, and every now and then he would “show” his interest, but he had changed. One time I got wind from another coworker that he now had a gf, this came about in a casual convo, I wasn’t even trying to find out anything about him, but knowing how they joke around with each other, to me it was all rumors until I heard it from him, he’d keep on being nice to me, very attentive when the occasion arose, and basically confusing me to no end.


Another time, my friend, he and I went out to eat, while in the car I was talking about wanting to go somewhere, and he said he had gone there, my friend asked with whom and said “my girl”, I got the message, it was directed towards me, I say this because I got the impression that he knows or at least feels I liked him, but he was normal in the car, we were all joking, he was driving pretty crappy, that I told him jokingly “why are you driving so badly, we make you nervous or something?” he said “actually, yeah”, and my friend said “you mean her, I’m in the back not doing anything” and he just laughed, we went to eat and all normal, during that week though, I felt that, that barrier he had between us he was putting it down.



The following day, he came over to ask for something about work, and I was doing my business, when I looked up at him, I looked at his eyes and I was genuinely surprised, his eyes did not lie, I know he likes me, they were shinny and stuff, you know that look, but I acted normal, HOWEVER, as soon as my friend arrived she simply said “turn the page on him”, I was like why?, turns out when we went out to eat, and I got up and went to the restroom, she asked him “so hey, what about her?, aren’t you interested In her?” , he said something like “truth is that I really like her, I really like her, but I have a gf” (according to my friend, the tone of the “really like” was like as in friends / person), and my friend said “oh, wait, don’t get it wrong ..She didn’t ask me to tell you or anything, she doesn’t even know I’m asking you this”, he said “well, that’s why I agreed to come to eat as a bunch, to avoid you know…” (what bunch?, it was just us three, and besides, I had asked him to come to eat with us before, but had some stuff to do, as soon as he was able he accepted), “but anyway, I’m sorry but I’m busy right now, let’s change the subject” and then he asked my friend about her husband and kids (like what?, he knows squat about them, he just said the first thing that popped in his head)



For the following days, I acted normal with him, and even went about the way he does with me cold and hot, i would not even look at him, next I’d ask him if he’d go with me to the grocery store and wholeheartedly accepted, etc, he started to be super weird with me, so much that it bothered me, like annoying me, making me mad at him, and even feeling like I wanted to curse him out, even became less attractive and I just want to annoy him purposely now, I try avoid looking at him now, because he is super distant with me, is very clear how he treats everyone else and how he is when it comes to me, like just yesterday, I went to my brother’s spot (this guy seats right beside him) to show him something important on the cellphone, he kind of peeked and went on to his business, then when I was about to leave I almost bumped into him, but he pulled back almost as if I was gonna infect him with something, so much so that I told him that “geez, I’m not gonna infect you with anything, you don’t have to be like that”, he simply mumbled something like “no no, not at all”
he avoids looking at me, or is avoiding me altogether, I don’t know, today I bumped into him, face to face, he moved aside and mumbled something that sounded like “hello”, and I moved aside as well, and just said a dry “hi” and went on to my business….



So, thank you for reading this, for lending me a tad of your time, please share with me your thoughts, I’d like to understand what is going on, or what happened, I won’t pursue him, but I don’t want him to treat me like I have a terrible disease, he’s gonna catch if he’s even civil to me, I mean I know, he’s always single me out, he has always treat me differently, but he’s being mean and kinda hurtful to me, right now…I’ve done nothing wrong, frankly, ok I like him, I find him cute but is not like he’s the center of my universe, or that every choice I make I based on him, so wtf?!
I don’t want the atmosphere between us to be this awkward, I mean Is not like I’m in love with him or anything even close, to be honest, I think he’s blowing it out of proportion, and perhaps I’m being dragged cause he has managed to piss me off

[red romeo]

i could explain really all of this but instead of going over every piece and I did read all of it not halfway through and opinionated about you or him. what do you want to know and how much

[RipleyEffect]

I want to understand what happened, did he like me or not? does he still do but feels bad cause he's compromised? why did he went back and forth? why is he having such a childish attitude now? why does he avoid me or trying to so hard to? why does he still looks at me when he thinks he won't get caught by me?

why start to lead someone on if you don't have any intention of following through?, that's a pretty horrible thing to do, to anyone?

Basically, i want to understand what the hell happened....

BTW, thank you for taking the time to read all that stuff.

[red romeo]

no problemo if you can wait for my reply i will be happy to give the insight i got tommorow its very long and this would just be my perspective of it. this is basing it off similar things that i have experienced and the information you've already given which was brave of you

- - - Updated - - -

not that i dont want to help you right now but im on a mission to bring understanding and knowledge to as many women that I can if even if its just a small peice that can help anyone in love or a relationship i hope thats okay

[RipleyEffect]

Oh no, is ok, thank you very much, i shall wait then, and also, is very kind of you to try and help us women understand men's behaviors and improve ourselves, or change what may need to be changed, i don't know, simply thank you.



P.S
i just want to add something, when my friend told me he said "well, I’m sorry but I’m busy right now, let’s change the subject”, they way she said he said it, almost sounded like reproach, which is also weird.
How should i act with him, how do i treat him? i wonder...am i doing the right thing by ignoring him?

[melancholia]

It honestly doesn't sound like he wants anything from you, other than friendship. And if he has a girlfriend, then you need to respect that. I don't think any of your behavior is wrong or inappropriate, nor is his. A little flirting here and there is not inappropriate, even if you're dating someone. But you sound really hung up on this one guy, who clearly doesn't want to be with you. I think you should give up on the idea of being with him, but you can stay friends. That's my suggestion. Hopefully everything works out well for you.

[RipleyEffect]

"if he has a girlfriend, then you need to respect that." " clearly doesn't want to be with you. I think you should give up on the idea of being with him"
eh?, did you not read the part where i said "i won't pursue him"?
and i am not hung up, i admit i like him, but that's that, and yes, i am curious to know what went wrong and like i said, i don't what that weird atmosphere between us, specially cause people do tend to pick up on those vibes and it will get uncomfortable and plain awkward and not just for us two, that's it, i ask here in such detail, because, 1) is part of the guidelines, 2) i won't talk about this kind of stuff at work, or even too much with my friends because they're biased, 3) how else will any of you really understand, that's why it might sound too detailed, thus making some of you think that i'm looking way too much into things, but i'm really not.

He is confusing, like today...he goes from most of the week being super distant / cold and trying to avoid me altogether with all of his strength (so to speak), to being super nice to me and attentive, looking at me when he thinks i won't caught him, helping me out without me saying a word, playing with my fingers, inviting me coffee, not letting me pay and telling me next time i'll invite him something, and regardless of what you think, i know he likes me, most of the time we can get when someone does, and so i know that about him, that's not my question per se, what i wanna know is what the hell happened, and why does he blow hot and cold like that? is annoying
he didn't have a girlfriend when everything started, just so you know.

[red romeo]

sorry it took so long to respond life ya know

so where to begin my experience first physically i cant say but mentally we me and him seem similar

damn explaining this out will kind of be like explaining myself a little

rude and serious= a way to keep people at a distance while being straight forward and honest if with most things
but with me he was quiet= he liked you but its a way to ignore that feeling and not let on that he does
once he had the chance he went and sat next to me, and talked to me, he was trying to get to know me. = got over the indecision. to try again to see if love again
was possible
I said no because I didn’t want them to make a fuss or make it obvious= that info got back to him
he’d also have kind attentions with me, like one time I couldn’t find my brother and he helped me find him, even though he was just about to leave, or wait for me at the supermarket when I went to buy snacks, and other stuff= to show he was into you. think did he do that for everyone?

simply touching my back, sometimes he did it with confidence, other seemed like he was afraid, even though I was always receptive indecesion trust still the issue getting hurt again is in the back and front of his mind and in all of that did you ever make out ? or kiss on the lips or anything i mean hes giving you all the signs he just needed your approval to take it further by lol simply saying kiss me or or giving him that look or hell kiss him
Then got odd, he started saying hello but without trying to get such proximity if nothing progressed passed that stage and he was doing it for awhile then most likely he took it that you were being nice and was a rejection during that time he found a girl who liked him keeping distance was being faithful so was not being to friendly and yet you never left his mind

Another time, my friend, he and I went out to eat, while in the car I was talking about wanting to go somewhere, and he said he had gone there, my friend asked with whom and said “my girl”, I got the message, it was directed towards me, I say this because I got the impression that he knows or at least feels I liked him, but he was normal in the car, we were all joking, he was driving pretty crappy, that I told him jokingly “why are you driving so badly, we make you nervous or something?” he said “actually, yeah”, and my friend said “you mean her, I’m in the back not doing anything” and he just laughed =
the message was directed at you so you would stop whatever you were or he perceived you were doing and yes he did know he knew after the christmas party when you began to like him

he said “actually, yeah”, and my friend said “you mean her, I’m in the back not doing anything” and he just laughed= he has a girlfriend hes going to not say anything he'll laugh at it to keep it a joke. to be silent or say yes indicates exactly what its always been. since when he was quiet with you

we went to eat and all normal, during that week though, I felt that, that barrier he had between us he was putting it down. = its hard work supressing your feelings but you cant do it forever your going to slip up and somethings gonna get out you cant always hide it no matter how hard you try

but I acted normal = you didnt feel the same it appears maby she was just flirting maby i was wrong why does she keep messing with me ? things he probly thought

HOWEVER, as soon as my friend arrived she simply said “turn the page on him”, I was like why?, turns out when we went out to eat, and I got up and went to the restroom, she asked him “so hey, what about her?, aren’t you interested In her?” , he said something like “truth is that I really like her, I really like her, but I have a gf” (according to my friend, the tone of the “really like” was like as in friends / person) yeah that was bullshit he will stay faithful but he lied to your friend hes got to say that or hes a dirtbag

what bunch?, it was just us three, and besides, I had asked him to come to eat with us before, but had some stuff to do, as soon as he was able he accepted),=
dont get mad he wasnt implying anything he just didnt want to make it even appear that he was cheating for a dude in a relationship to be alone with a girl he likes eating a meal yeah that could be very badly misinterpreted

he started to be super weird with me, so much that it bothered me, like annoying me, making me mad at him, and even feeling like I wanted to curse him out
just trying to push you away mad that you keep being hot and cold fed up with the game you were both playing with each other

, he kind of peeked and went on to his business, then when I was about to leave I almost bumped into him, but he pulled back almost as if I was gonna infect him with something, so much so that I told him that “geez, I’m not gonna infect you with anything, you don’t have to be like that”, he simply mumbled something like “no no, not at all”
he avoids looking at me, or is avoiding me altogether, I don’t know, today I bumped into him, face to face, he moved aside and mumbled something that sounded like “hello”, and I moved aside as well, and just said a dry “hi” and went on to my business

back to avoiding his feelings probly doesnt like the chick hes with if hes even with her anymore he had just been alone for such a long time at that point he said yes not really spending time with her like he has with you and regretting the way he treated you and how it was all over now

well thats what i got ive given you the gist of it to give you more would be saying more probly of me and less of him

[RipleyEffect]

Redromeo, thank you so much for taking the time to explain all this to me, you’re awesome!

So basically I was right, all my suspicious were rather accurate, and I was surprised on others though.

Look, I never kissed him or move too forward, not because I lacked motivation but rather, because his signs were just as confusing as you seem to indicate mine were, (I didn’t even notice), I did tried to touch him, like his arm or hands and stuff like that, things clearly you do when you like someone (especially for someone like me, who is only touchy like that if and when there’s a certain closeness with the other person, if not, that is out of the question), that’s why I don’t know where he could’ve gotten that I was only nice, but is ok.

Btw, did you read what I posted happened on Friday?, *sigh* he frustrates me, if he doesn’t want me, fine, no problem, but I’m trying to make it easier for both of us to move on without being awkward, then he goes from arctic cold to being all super nice to me, he makes it hard for me too!, Is not fair, what the hell?

Now, if he’s regretting being like that with me, he deserves it, because he was never clear either, I wasn’t gonna go and place myself in the most vulnerable spot for someone that seems indecisive about me, BUT it doesn’t have to be over, see that’s the thing, I don’t know what to do anymore…how do I treat him?, should I talk to him about this whole thing? And if I’ve not left his mind, if he still likes me, or has all along….why didn’t he “fight for me…I know he likes me, I like him, he knows I like him as well... what a waste.

[melancholia]

Treat him as if he were any other casual friend/work acquaintance. Keep him at an arm's length while you focus on your own life, interests, and hobbies. I still think you're putting way too much energy into thinking about him and what his motivations are. Who cares? He can, and will, do whatever he pleases. And you should do the same. His behavior seems confusing to you because you are trying to read into every action he displays because you're desperately trying to get to the bottom of something, when there really isn't anything to get to the bottom of... your friend said it right when they suggested you "turn the page on him", and so far you're choosing to ignore that advice for some reason.

It doesn't mean you have to be rude to him, or treat him any differently, but stop putting so much attention and energy his way. It's not doing you any favors and it's not bringing you two closer together. If I were you (and I have been in similar situations, wasting my time over crushes with dudes who are completely oblivious), I would give up on the idea of anything happening with him. Once you do that, you will open yourself up to the opportunity to meet other people, who are available, and probably much better suited for you to be with.

[RipleyEffect]

I appreciate you taking the time to answer me, Melancholia, as well as you trying to help, but i feel as though you're not reading my posts thoroughly or maybe too fast, i'll tell you again, as i said previously, this guy, i like him, plain and simple and just that, my world does not revolve around him, i don't stop living my life because of him, i don't stop hanging out with other guys or even flirt with other guys because of him, even in the work place (not in front of him, obviously, i wouldn't want things to be misinterpreted either), i have my life intact, but since see i him everyday, we work in the same place and all, his conduct towards me is on the constant hot & cold, so yeah, i don't feel sorry for being curious about him, or what happened, i'm not obsessed with him, i'm talking about him in here so much, because he's the whole point of this thread, understanding this guy, on a love forum, i don't talk about him as much throughout the day, in fact i can go days without talking about him, etc...you get the point.

don't misinterpret this whole situation, to an extreme that is not.

and i do treat him like i treat everyone else, he keeps making things weird, and is tiring, that's what i said in the original post, feels as though he's blowing things out of proportion...and all the other reasons posted above, i will not keep on repeating everything.

[melancholia]

I'm not misinterpreting anything. I am reading your posts. You are just choosing to ignore the obvious, which is that you are spending far too much time thinking about someone who isn't available to you -- you don't sound obsessed, but you are clearly wasting your time. It doesn't matter that you work together. From what you've been stating in your posts, his behavior doesn't seem all that "weird" to me. Clearly he knows you like him, and you say you know he likes you... that's where it ends. It sounds very simple to me. What I don't understand is why you want to bother torturing yourself over what you think his intentions may be, because it sounds like all he wants to do is keep the peace with you, just like you do with him.

Things are only as complicated as you want them to be. And clearly, you are not willing to give up this dynamic you've created with this guy. If you don't want to take my advice, which is to move on and stop perpetuating this situation with this guy, which you've decided to label as "weird" and "confusing", then go ahead and continue wasting your time.

[hBetty]

melancholia is right , RippleyEffect: u gotta admit (at least to yourself ) ur crazy about this guy :u just 'think' u simply 'like' him.
i too just joined love forum speciffically to post a thread about this one guy becuz m crazy about him :see i've never done this for any of the guys i've met before :never really given any of them too much thought... (just like u say u got other guys in ur life who you flirt with)
hey !wait a minute...that's right !you guys just helped me answer this one question in my mind that's been bugging me all morning..i should thankyou ..lol!

[RipleyEffect]

Alright, thanks for both your opinions, [MENTION=81312]melancholia[/MENTION] [MENTION=83339]hBetty[/MENTION]



[MENTION=83577]red romeo[/MENTION]
Hi, thanks for helping me out, really appreciate it.
i just wanna ask you something else about this situation... i hope you don't mind ...is it ok to talk to you about him like this?
i actually prefer it cause a guy's perspective in this kinds of things, gives me a broader view

Well, now that you know everything, and assuming you read what happened on friday, on monday he went all bizarro on me again hahahaha, it starts to get funny after a while, anyway we almost faced each other but he lowered his head and kinda just looked up with his eyes, it was way odd, you know how a puppy looks at you when he's scared or has done something wrong?, like that...so yesterday, i decided to talk to him about it, cause honestly, he made feel bad, like i've done something terrible to him. Anyway, so i when i bumped into him, told him "hey, i wanna talk to you, what is up with you?" he was like "what you mean?" i asked him why he does that, why does he go from trying to avoid me with all his strength to being super nice to me, and he was like "no, i don't do that..., sometimes i am weird like that, but no ..maybe i don't know i'm doing it"

Then he asked me when did he do that to me, i told him, for example yesterday, he was denying everything (but there are things that when they happened you know exactly what went on, is easy to lie, but that look, he don't fool me, i know he was avoiding saying hello to me, it was one of those things)

Anyway, so i told him "this is why i wanted to talked to you, because you make me feel like i did something wrong to you, i just want to make sure" he then said to me, "no, look maybe i didn't realize it but no, really ...i like you very much, truly, there's nothing wrong" he very shyly tried to touch my arm when he said it, i finally said "are you sure?, then i'll hold on to your word" he just smiled.

What do you make of that?


The thing is, you really got me thinking with everything you said before, seems like our problem was we both were fooling around and neither of us got the guts to say something....do you think everything is lost?
feel like i wanna move on, i just want some real closure ...

I'm sorry to bother you, promise i won't do it again (unless something huge happens haha)


Thank you, again.

[melancholia]

It sounds like you two made some kind of head way with this situation. You were finally able to talk to him, and at least ask him what was up. It sounds like he hasn't noticed that his behavior has made you feel any type of way, and I believe him, at least from the way you laid it out for us. It's great that you were able to tell him how his actions have made you feel, and I really think you should take him at his word when he says he likes you, and that there's nothing going on, and that "sometimes he just acts weird." I think that's the closest thing you're going to get to closure. I think if you chalk this whole thing down, it sounds like you two are better suited to just be friends. Once you choose to see things a certain way, it makes it easier to actually move forward. Focus your energy and attention on yourself for now and everything will work out for you.