He broke up with me because I'm not white.

[warriormaiden]

Essentially.


I'm writing this more as a venting situation, but input is appreciated. I'm trying not to cry as I type. I've been doing it all day since 7 this morning. I don't know what to do with myself. My phone is quiet, everyone is with their dates or at work. I just feel abandoned.

I woke up to a series of text messages this morning:

"I'm over thinking things and I don't like it."

"Its getting bad and I know they're stupid and wrong but what if they're right?"

When I responded, he basically said he had a rough night sleeping, hasn't slept so good for the past two weeks, and he notices that when he is angry or tired he starts to think of some very racist thoughts. He also starts to think a little too much:

"I was worrying that I'm racist and that we're a bad idea. Then I was thinking how different we are like how I want to go adventuring and seeing the scenic views while you wanted festivals and culture and I think I was over thinking stuff and I'm befundled."

Then:

"I make racist jokes and when I get sleepy and tired I start thinking VERY racist things and I'm still getting used to being with a black woman. I honestly never found black women attractive before but our personalities click so much that I can't help but know I'm wrong for thinking that and I know that sounds f*cked up but its so new to me. Its becoming more real every day. I never ever ever thought I'd wind up with a person of color and its so much to take in."


We've been dating for, officially, 4 months today. So, the I Love Yous, the care, the tenderness, the protection, the future life goals together, all of that was fake? Did he not notice I had melanin in my skin when he met me?

So I told him, that if he isn't feeling it, he isn't feeling it, and he should let me know.

His response: "I don't think im feeling it. We can talk all day and talk about literally anything in the world but if im honest with myself, im not feeling it. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry but I can't do this anymore."

Last night he was singing to me and telling me how crazy he was about me.

Sunday he was telling me how he thought about living his life without me, and he couldn't, it almost brought him to tears.

This is so sudden! Like, way out in left field. Did he think of this on his own? Did his parents tell him to stop seeing me? They always seemed so nice. His step mother was stuffing me with food on Sunday!
Why am I feeling so hurt by this? We only dated for 4 months. I cared about him deeply, but I cared about other guys I broken up with before, and I never ever cried.

I'm so angry. I'm so hurt. I want to call him, because I feel like it wasn't properly hashed out. It was over text, while he was at work, at 7 in the morning, and as soon as he said it was over, I said Bye, and ended the conversation.

I just want to know, if my skin color was such a problem, why did you go out with me? Why did you pick me and said hello? Why did you say you were falling in love with me?
Whats wrong with you?
Just....why.

[bloodtippedrose]

I am sorry to hear that warriormaiden, though saying BYE and ending it was pretty badass. Your instinct told you that as soon as he said he's not feeling it, to not waste anymore of your time. Why did he initiate a relationship? He wanted to try something different. He is not usually attracted to dark skin, and wanted to try. He sounds like he was attempting to be nice about it, gave it 4 months and brought you home to his family, tried to warm up to the idea, but in the end he just couldn't see past your skin color. We all laugh at racist jokes once in a while but to start thinking VERY racist things as he's falling asleep? Wth is that? You really don't need to hash anything more out, he said enough, he showed his true colors. It's a good thing only 4 months has went by. No one should make you feel like crap for your personal features.

[warriormaiden]

I am sorry to hear that warriormaiden, though saying BYE and ending it was pretty badass. Your instinct told you that as soon as he said he's not feeling it, to not waste anymore of your time. Why did he initiate a relationship? He wanted to try something different. He is not usually attracted to dark skin, and wanted to try. He sounds like he was attempting to be nice about it, gave it 4 months and brought you home to his family, tried to warm up to the idea, but in the end he just couldn't see past your skin color. We all laugh at racist jokes once in a while but to start thinking VERY racist things as he's falling asleep? Wth is that? You really don't need to hash anything more out, he said enough, he showed his true colors. It's a good thing only 4 months has went by. No one should make you feel like crap for your personal features.

I just feel so.....screwed over. He was so instistent of being integrated in to my life, wanting to meet my friends, my family. I neeeever let my friends and fam meet the guy, we have to be going out for awhile. But it happened. I just don't know how you can be racist, and fantasize about having a biracial little girl, and buying her hot pink rain boots. Visualizing being together, saying stuff like, "When we get our first apartment together...." Like....how good of an actor do you have to be.

This explains why he would never cum during sex. Afraid of getting me pregnant my ass.

[bloodtippedrose]

Him wanting to meet your family and see if he can jive with them makes sense if you were his experimental game, but talking about having kids and getting a place as well? That is bizarre. Had you told him that you have never brought other guys to meet your family, or that you never get very close to guys? Men love a challenge. Otherwise it doesn't make much sense for him to be all about a relationship to nothing. Possibly he is crushing on someone else and used your skin color as an excuse to get out :/.

[warriormaiden]

Him wanting to meet your family and see if he can jive with them makes sense if you were his experimental game, but talking about having kids and getting a place as well? That is bizarre. Had you told him that you have never brought other guys to meet your family, or that you never get very close to guys? Men love a challenge. Otherwise it doesn't make much sense for him to be all about a relationship to nothing. Possibly he is crushing on someone else and used your skin color as an excuse to get out :/.

I don't understand anything about the situation. It was completely sudden and strange and I'm done with it.


Thanks for your help, though. :-)

[melancholia]

I am sorry to hear this happened to you, warriormaiden (I love your handle, btw). Did he ever make any racist comments toward you while you were together? I've never heard someone say they were afraid of being racist... to me, you're either racist or you're not. I've heard a lot of people say they aren't attracted to Asian people, Black people, whatever... but it's completely asinine to disregard entire communities of people solely based on their skin color, or where they are from. To be honest, his excuse sounds like a cop out. Maybe he met someone else, maybe he realized he's not ready for serious commitment with you, maybe he got scared of the way things were progressing between you... who knows, but it seems very strange that all of a sudden he would tell you he's racist.... I just don't get that. No wonder you're so confused!

I hope that you can recover from this quickly; and stronger than ever. It really hurts when someone breaks up with you out of the blue, but honestly, and I know you know this, even though it's tough to swallow atm... but you are much better off without him if he is so pathetic that the color of your skin bothers him.

Best of luck to you, dear one!

[warriormaiden]

Thanks Melancholia! I appreciate it.

He never said anything racist against ME. He did say some racist things against Italians, Canadians, South Asians, Black people, Asians. He'll do like an Asian accent where he's not pronouncing his R's, or ask why do black ghetto people smell. Or, he works in retail at a home improvement store, so he would complain about his South Asian customers.The only thing to ME he would say that was vaguely 'racist' was that he called me Chocolate Cake or Mochahontas, which I never really had a problem with being called Mochahontas because my mom has been calling me Pocahontas since I was 4. And its not like I am the first woman of color he has ever dated or been intimate with, so I don't understand him saying, 'I never thought I would wind up with a woman of color.' Last summer, he dated a Indian girl for 3 months, and he has had a very casual sexual relationship with a wealthy black girl.
Like you said Melancholia, it just feels like he's grasping at any excuse to break up with me.

[melancholia]

He sounds like a complete idiot. I have to laugh at his logic, or rather illogical statements about other races... and to be racist against Canadians... that is hilarious. We have one of the most culturally diverse populations on the planet, and I don't know a single individual who can tell someone is Canadian just by looking at them... however, I digress. How are you doing with the break up? Are you upset, or still just confused? Whatever you are feeling, know that it is completely normal and human. You are a human being with feelings and emotions like everyone else. And they are just as valid as anyone else's. Your ex sounds like a total loser douchebag CUN.T and you absolutely deserve so much better.

[warriormaiden]

He's very patriotic and proud of his country and his state. To the point that he believes that America is superior than any other country. Because Canada is so close, and because it was colonized at the same time and with the same people as America, he views Canada as, well, pansies. He says he doesn't like the accents (to this, I was like, what accents? You mean that slight sound when they say words like About?) How Canada is a wuss, have they never won anything, yadda yadda. It was a mess. That was one of the things that I disliked about him. His love for his country was blind and too much. On top of that, he was so pro south, it was scary.
He told me that I was different, I could teach him to be more open minded and accepting towards others and their cultures. Since I am very open and I love culture and world History, I thought I could show him a new way, a new thought process. His family kept telling me that they hoped I would rub off of him. I guess that didn't work.



But I'm doing amazing, though. I'm over the hurt period, I'm over the anger phase, I'm still trying to get through the confused part, but I'm not thinking about it every day. It is what it is. I can't sit around and just be angry and try to guess at his reasoning. I walked away without any STDS or a baby, and all that was lost was time and feelings. Which, I have plenty more of.

I have a date this weekend. Yeah, it is a rebound, and there is a part of me just doing this so I won't be at home on a Saturday night. But as far as rebounds go, he's a pretty package.
No, seriously.
He works at GNC, the suppliment store.
So it would be a nice change to have a guy who looks like a Calvin Klein model take me out Salsa dancing for the evening. Even though nothing will ever come out of it. Lol.

[melancholia]

Hahaha well I am very pleased to hear you are moving on in one piece, and that you have a hot date on Saturday! Way to go! As my mother would say, "the best way to get over a guy, is to get under a new one." lol!

It sounds like that guy is very lost. He doesn't know how to think for himself, so he rides on the ideas of other groups of people, none of which sound appealing. It's not up to you, or anyone else, to change how he views the world. Only he can do that, and he chooses not to try. That is sad, but at least only his life is affected by his closed mind, and you are free to live your life the way you want to, without the burden of some childish loser.

I wish you all the best! Let us know how your date goes!

[warriormaiden]

The date went well! We went Salsa dancing!
He was waaay shorter than I would have thought, but he was nice enough. I haven't spoken to him since, and I really don't plan to. Though he was nice, I got the feeling that he was expecting sex. Its whatever. I got out of the house, and I got to do one of my favorite styles of dancing (I. Adore. Congo music) so it wasn't a complete lost.

I did go on another date Friday. It was awesome! Right until the point he started having a panic attack. :p Lol.

[melancholia]

Woohoo! You go, girl! It's great that you're getting out there and having fun! If your only expectation is to get out, meet some new people, and have a good time, then you can't go wrong. Even a bad date can end up being an hilarious joke later on. I'm glad to hear you are enjoying going out on dates. Hopefully the next one is fantastic!