Constant Contact

[jrharvey]

Ok females I need some good and solid insight into how girls think. The problem is my girlfriend is unhappy with something I do almost every single day. Me and my girlfriend have been dating a year and a half. We live together. It seems like the past 6 months have been incredibly rough. We use to fight a lot but we both learned a lot of communication skills and read books and even went to counseling and have gotten better. We communicate better but even now its difficult to hear how she felt hurt about something or unloved about something EVERY DAY. Im getting to the point im about to give up even trying to make her happy. Nothing works. Everytime I change something that she says bothers her she comes up with something else. She is also incredibly insecure and VERY VERY VERY needy. She either needs to be around me or hear from me all the time via text or call. I know this is a sign of immaturity. Most people are immature when they are young. She is 25. The thing is I really really do love her and am trying to get through this phase with her but its tough. I figure she will grow out of the needy phase and immature phase eventually. I really want to make this work. I really dont want to just dump her and go somewhere else. We have a lot of passion and love for each other. I just feel hopeless.

Just today something happened that bothered me a lot. I already mentioned how needy she was. She went to work and I had the day off. I slept in a little bit and started cleaning the house. I got on a roll and figured Id text her when I got to a break point. Wasn't long before she texted asking if I was still sleeping. She got upset when I told her I was cleaning the house. She was upset I had not texted her when I woke up and just started cleaning. To her that means I dont care about her and I dont love her enough to do that before cleaning. I care more about cleaning. She calmly told me this and I was just kinda caught off guard because she never asked me to do that before and its not a rule. Ironically her last day off she didnt text me when she woke up. She waited till after going to the store. I told her this and she just gets all upset and saying I dont understand her feelings and she just wants me to show her love. We calmed down which is great because we use to fight about that kind of stuff.

This kinda stuff happens all the time. She doesn't feel love because we were watching a movie and I go to the bathroom without kissing her. She doesn't feel love because I didn't cook for her when she was sick even though I asked 3 times if she would let me make something for her and she said she didn't want anything. She doesn't feel loved because I use to write her notes and she never did so I stopped and she gets upset about it. Sometimes I am literally doing everything right and she cannot possibly think I dont love her. Then she just looks at me and ask if something is wrong. I tell her no Im very happy. Then she randomly says she feels like I am upset because Im not showing her enough love. It drives me nuts. I could have been holding her, kissing her, doing everything she wants all day and everything she ask and getting nothing in return from her and she still complains Im not doing enough. Its like my head explodes. Then sometimes I get mad. I say I did all these things for you and you haven't done anything for me today and you are saying Im not doing enough? What more do you want? Then she says I am starting a fight and she is just telling me her feelings and I shouldn't get upset when she is just telling me her feelings.

I really am lost and dont think there is any way to really make her happy. I asked her today... Are you really happy? Are you ever happy with me at all? Do you even want to be with me anymore? She said... "I love you and I am very happy with you all the time. I am always happy with you. I just want to feel more loved sometimes".

I feel like I am spending 90% of my usable energy trying to make her feel loved and still failing. I know there must be something she is not telling me because nothing she tells me is ever enough. If I take even 5 minutes to focus on work or myself for once it always seems to happen. I get that text or she says something where she is trying to let me know she doesnt feel like I love her anymore. Ive had so many heart to heart talks with her about how I have a life and work and I cant be talking to her all the time all day. The crazy thing is she knows this. She doesnt even live up to her own expectations. She cannot do what she wants me to do. Sometimes I act the way she does just to test her. One time she got mad because we hadnt texted for an hour but I checked facebook. She was like... why do you have time to check facebook but not talk to me? Not even 2 days later she hadnt texted me in 4 hours because she was busy at work. Fine I dont mind but I saw she was on facebook. I remembered the fight we had about when I checked and I acted mad at her for being on facebook but no time to talk to me. That really pissed her off because she said her mom was sending her FB messages and then said she wouldnt stop talking to her mom etc... She was really pissed about that but never could understand how hypocritical she was being. Even now.

Ughhhh.

Another thing that just kills me is she always tells me I dont understand. I just dont get it. I will never understand etc...
I always break down what she has said and explain what I think she means and then I ask "am I right?". Then she usually says yes, thats right. THEN I can tell her how I feel about that and she says you will never understand. Im like... You just told me I understand.

EDIT: This just blew my mind. She sent me a quote basically saying you should love in a way that is giving and not expect anything in return. I was kinda shocked and asked if she thought this was good advice for her. She said no this is for you! I said do you think it can apply to you too? She said I want YOU to read and understand this. Im just exploding going nuts right now. How can she not see that she is going completely against her own quote? Its so obvious. Sometimes I swear she is doing this to get rid of me or something. So I read this quote and think she wants me to give give give but expect nothing in return? I never tell her she doesnt show me love. She is ALWAYS telling me and she doesnt give that much anymore. What the hell.

[hBetty]

She is probably having a girlfren of hers who just met a new guy and they're in their honeymoon phase & they're all in love n stuff & ur gf however is envious of her fren cuz she has passed that 'intense new love' phase with you a long time back already & she wants all of that again....so yeh she s being immature
Either that or there s another guy ..
Why be in a relationship that's making u miserable anyway?If she realy cared about you she wouldn't be torturing you with all her nagging and her 'needyness' and the 'kiss me before u go the bathroom' crap. It's all just sounds plain annoying & immature ..you sound like a really nice and caring guy .you deserve better.