Distancing, a big, big turn off!

[Mish]

Hello Friends

On this journey called "Dating" I appear to be finding out more and more about myself. Both the positives and the negatives. My latest discovery appears to do a little with the issue of distancing. The distancing really frustrates me (E.g. Postponing of dates for no particular reason by the girl). It frustrates me so much that i feel like doing something terrible (Like omg, finding another date). I understand that it's not a big deal and I should not read too much into distancing issues, but it doesn't stop it from really bothering me. Which leaves me in a kind of a delima. I can either not mention anything and play it cool, while feeling a lot of frustration with this (Which will not make me a happy puppy) or I can talk to her about this issue, which may make me sound needy, pushy, clingy, <Insert any other cliche here> and push her into the distancing phase even more... Loose/Loose situation?

Hmm, it's a pickle even if it appears to be a very basic issue. Now, what does everyone think about this?

Thank you in advance for your help!!!

[shh!]

I don't get it. What do you mean she postponed your date for no particular reason? What reason did she give you?

[Mish]

Hi shh

And thank you for a quick reply.

There had been a couple and these reasons vary. Sometimes she feels like having a quiet day, sometimes she feels like doing some sport, sometimes she feels like visitng a relative (And all of that can not include myself), which is all fine by me as long as there is no date that we had planned for that particular day. If there is a date planned and she needs to move it another week because, she now is more interested in taking up some class on that day it frustrates me (But being a good boy, I ofcourse don't say anything).

Now what i would like to know is, should i just hold it in and pretend i'm okay with it or talk to her about it at the risk of sounding like a demanding jerk who cares nothing about a woman's right to do what she wants (And who probably tortures little kittens when noone is looking).

[shh!]

I think you should talk to her about it. You don't have to sound like a demanding jerk, but to tolerate it would make you a doormat. If this has happened with any frequency at all, it sounds like she is taking you for granted. I wouldn't treat anyone like that, nor would I tolerate it. It sounds like you are right to be irritated.

[Junsui]

shh! is so smart, I agree with her on this

[Mish]

Thank you Shh, Thats exactly what i wanted to hear

However, our dating scene is still a bit young (Still in the single digits). I'm afraid that if i start fussing up now (I.e. my unease about distancing), it may push her into further distancing (Due to feeling awkward) thus not really finding out other aspects of myself. We have a movie night planned, which i'm really really looking forward to!!!

It's very interesting to see something so simple can be so so delicate...

[shh!]

I think you should not be expecting things will improve in the area, Mishayna. You guys should still be in the "good behavior" stage when she is supposed to be wowing you with how spectacular she is. The way you present it, it almost sounds like she can take you or leave you, although it is possible she is just simply flaky with everyone. If that is the case, you will have to decide whether or not you are willing to tolerate it.

[clynn]

I think that I would wait and not ask her out again if I were you.

Let her ask you out next time!

[carpflounder]

I'd screw her one more time than get rid of her. She sounds like a *****.

[artyemi]

so exactly how long have you guys been together?

[Rosebud]

With you guys not going on that many dates and being so new to each other I wouldn't push anything. This is the phase where you are supposed to be getting to know each other and spednign time together. But if you start asking her about all this stuff right now it may stop the relationship dead in its' tracks.

I would just sit back and let things happen the way they are (not saying for you to sit and wait on her), but to go about doing your own thing.

[Mish]

So many good advises, thank you everyone!

I think i'll respond to everyone at the same time in this post.

Shh! I agree, I won't tolerate it in the long run. I might hold it in and play Mr. Cool for now. Maybe give her another 3 "Date Psotpone" Cards before I start Fussing up about it. But if it continues then i won't stand for it (I think it will turn me off completely).

Clynn, I mght just do that next time thank you

carpflounder, you crude crude man, but thank you for support

artyemi, we are not officially "together" yet. Haven't even discussed that yet. Just going out, doing things, having some fun together, dating stuff (Maybe the status of the relationship needs to be addressed? But how? Hmmm)

Rosebud, I think you nailed it on the head. I have the same fear, that nothing is certain yet and i shouldn't really bring up any negatives at this stage.

Another question. Is there a way of establishing the status of the relationship early on? I imagine just coming straight up and asking whether the girl is looking for something serious or something casual will be quite awkward (Especially in the very beginning, when not many things are certain). It just, can be irritating wondering about the seriousness or casualness (Is that a word?) each time.

Thank you all for your help!!!

[Lloyd95]

Mishana-what does it say under your name? "I am a thoughtful libra?" All those years of French.....Mlle. would be so disappointed....

[misombra]

doesn't libre=book?

[Mish]

Hi Lloyd and Misombra

To remove any suspense, please find below...

"Je suis un penseur libre" in translation to English is "I am a free thinker". So you were very close

As showy off as it may appear, my French is actually very rusty as well, so I would like to apologize to any French speaking persons for any thoughtless grammatical errors on my behalf. I am much more fluent in other European languages. Just had always been attracted to French